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Editor’s Note: This is a contribution Von Jennifer Pastiloff

“Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without Du the rest of us are without a Quelle of many wonderful things.” ~Leo F. Buscaglia

You mean I am a Quelle of many wonderful things?

Yes. Actually Du are. Own up to it.

Leo has it right.

1. Liebe yourself.

Despite all the things that Du think may be terribly wrong with you, Liebe yourself. Liebe yourself.

Tattoo it on your brain.

I can think of so many reasons why Du should Liebe yourself, but here’s just one: It is incredibly dull and...
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posted by KatTayle
-I was at Hogwarts in a swimming pool, dancing with Ron Weasley with a straw up my nose

-My class took a field trip to a playground, and the only piece of equipment was a big statue of Discord (MLP) sleeping. It was HUGE. Everyone climbed in and on it (it was hollow inside), and I fell asleep on his nose. Then he woke up and turned out to actually be Discord. He discorded me and forced me to trap all of my friend inside of him. GOD THIS DREAM SOUNDS SO WEIRD

-I was in a mansion, but apparently the only bathroom was in the kitchen, and the door only closed a third of the way. Anyway, I had to...
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posted by hetaliaitaly
Harsh words & violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep inside I'm warped & twisted
So many tricks & so many lies
Too many whens & too many whys
Nobody's special, nobody's gifted
I'm just me, warped & twisted
Sleeping awake & choking on a dream
Listening loudly to a silent scream
Call my mind, the number's unlisted
Lost in someone so warped & twisted
On my knees, alive but dead
Look at the invisible blood I've bled
I'm not gone, my mind has drifted
Don't expect much, I'm warped & twisted
Burnt out, wasted, empty, & hollow
Today's just yesterday's tomorrow
The sun died out, the ashes sifted
I'm still here, warped & twisted
Drifting into empty Space
I have been like that Since saw my Dads evil face.
posted by tokidoki123
Slam a guy in the head with hungary's pan,make gilbird peck someone,Throw a wodka bottle on someones head,Yell pasta,Find someone in a tomate, tomaten box,Shoot someone with germany's gun,Show your disgust through the piano,Romano headbash/choke somebody,Buy plenty of sausages at the mart,Call someone Romano/Italy style,give dirty Bücher for christmas,ask england to marry you,get a krabbe stuck in your head,Make bad tea,whip your hair back and forth with france,Eat Too many burgers,talk to panda man,Order the ''F*ck box", Get kidnapped too many times,Float through the air screaming Vodka,Eat pasta, nudeln with...
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posted by holly-cow-noooo
Crying

I know I promised I'd never make Du cry;
I know it hurts but please dry your eyes.

I will give to Du whatever Du need;
A hug, a kiss, just tells me please.

To see Du cry is a terrible sight;
Just let me Liebe Du and I'll hold Du tight.

I'll do anything Du want to make Du proud;
I'll climb the highest peak and yell your name aloud.

I Liebe Du to much to see Du cry;
Please sweetheart don't say goodbye.

Don't push me away I must stay near;
To gently wipe away your tears.

If we must truly say goodbye;
One Mehr time just close your eyes.

And let us share one final kiss;
For Du are the love, I will forever miss.
posted by NarutoCrypt
•    HUG it daily
•    Be nice and pet it when it is feeling emotional
•    Kiss it twice everyday
•    Play patty cake with it fiercely
•    Don’t cuss in your house
•    Give it an even number of baths everyday (You better be listening!)
•    Don’t let it watch educational television
•    Enter the room with a bow ,when Du visit your Pferde dormitory
•    Don’t ever scare it oder tease it with yarn...
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Air, pollution, hair drying and the curling irons...

These all take their toll on healthy hair. After a while, hair loses its shine and volume.

That's why we have a trick for Du today to put the shine back in your locks using natural products.

The first thing Du need to do is beat an egg white with two tabelle spoons of apfel, apple vinegar. Apply this mix to your hair and let it work for 15 minutes.

Then wash your hair with shampoo and use the conditioner that Du usually do.

Now Du are ready for the Weiter step. While Du have the first mix on, boil some water with parsley. Before washing your hair, take out the parsley and let the left over parsley water cool. Bring it with Du when Du wash out your hair.

Attention: when Du wash out the shampoo and the conditioner, then apply the parsley water for one last shine treatment.

Between the egg mix and the parsley, your hair should be truly shiny.

Du can do this treatment whenever Du want, because it does not damage your hair.
posted by Omigosh122
Going thru the snow,

on a pair of broken skii's,

jumpin over houses!

And bashing into trees!

The snow is bloody-red,

Santa's almost dead!

Cuz a little racoon took his gun

and shot 'em in the head!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
posted by Seanthehedgehog

 Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!

Naboo, one Jahr before the events of A New Hope.

In one section of the planet, it was littered with destroyed vehicles, ranging from tanks, speeder bikes, and even a few AT-ST's. Not far away, was a damaged Tie Fighter, Weiter to an old Arc-170. The radio was still on in the 170.

Announcer: This is the Coruscant Broadcasting Service. Here is the news. In an isolated part of the planet, a group of Generals said, with Naboo falling into the hands of the Imperials, The Battle of Coruscant, is about to...
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I got bored, so here Du go.


1. BlueEyedDemon

2. SuicidalSlut

3. MaliciousIntent

4. GloomyTears

5. Blacklight

6. DarkSunshine

7. FallenIsolation

8. DrowningInTears

9. DismalAngel

10. FallenSolitude

11. HopingInSolitude

12. SilentCall

13. CountingOnRain

14. CalledForMishap

15. RuefulDestiny

16. FallenAngel

17. KilledByAnAngel (I know for a fact it's taken on here Von my twin sis but I made it up)

18. FlamingCore

19. Darkenin(g)InRegret (The G could be taken off if there is a 15 character like on Fanpop)

20.Itrieditathome

21. RunWithScissors

22. PlaydateWithFire (Over 15 characters but... I like it)

23. RejectedStar...
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1.In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes. I'll have twenty.
2.Sometimes Du make me so mad i wanna throw Du in the middle of on-going traffic; but then i realize i would probably kill myself trying to save you.
3.im the type of girl who would burst out laughing in the middle of silence because of something that happened... yesterday.
4.so ill walk the plank & jump with a smile if im going down ill do it in style Du wont hear me surrender.
5.the truth hurts so we lie
6.silence is golden, duct tape is silver
7.i know your probably thinking oh no she didnt but i just so totally...
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(WARNING: Profanity OUT OF THE WAZOO! Viewer discretion advised. Also, pie.)

(I will drive Du to madness Von letting Du figure out why the heck I sagte pie. ;D)

Here's a trick question, what's one plus one? ^___^

JASON DERULO SUCKS.

Seriously, I don't mean to be mean, (BAD PUNS FTW!) But Jason Derulo.... He's not good. Almost every song he made is either bland, lame, forgettable, oder perverted as hell.

Some MASTERPIECES he made include Talk Dirty, In My Head, and......

Wiggle Wiggle. :P

(WHAT THE MOTHER FUCKING FUCK!?)

And then there's..... This song, I wouldn't call it Jason's worst song, but it's...
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posted by akatsuki_lover9
Ways to Annoy:
1.say a Zufällig word for no reason all the time.
2.put spicy stuff in a Essen they like.
3.make a loud farting noise from your mouth and say "uh oh, i sharted."
4.make a farting noise from your mouth and blame it on the guy Weiter to you.
5.go to a drive thru, get your face right up to the speaker and yell as loud as Du can.
6.make a REALLY annoying noise all the time.
7.Write using only crayons, markers and paint.
8.When guests are at your house go into the küche and come out with ketchup all over Du and say "THE BOOGIE MAN IS HERE!" a bunch of times.
9.in school if there's a problem...
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posted by awesomeblossom1
Here's some of my fave "I wasnt that drunk" jokes hope Du like :)
"I wasn't that drunk"
"You saw a ginger girl eating blueberries and screamed 'No Foxface! Not the berries!'"
"You ran into Walmart and when Du heard someone talking on the intercom, Du fell to your knees and said, 'God has spoken!'"
"You grabbed my parakeet, threw it at my sisters piggy bank and yelled, 'ANGRY BIRDS!!!!!'"
"You told me to give Du a ride Home and the part was at your house"
"You asked your girlfriend if she was single"
"You gave a midget a pilz and yelled 'GROW MARIO GROW!!!'"
"You were cutting open pineapples...
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1. Don't EVER tell us to CALM DOWN when we're angry. We hate that, and it often makes the situation worse.
2. Don't act like Du know what you're talking about when Du don't. It just pisses us off.
3. Don't treat us badly and with disrespect.
4. Don't give us commands like we're some kind of dog. We're your equal and should be treated as such.
5. Sure, you're the guy, so Du can act like you're the stronger one... Whatever... But, don't EVER act like you're the head of the house. Relationships are to be an equal situation.
6. Don't yell at us when we do something wrong.
7. When Du screw up, don't...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
Researchers in the UK examined Mehr than 1000 jokes and placed them before 36,000 voters to determine the "official" 50 funniest jokes of all time.

And here they are:

50. I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went - and I got it.

49. A dichtung walks into a club...

48. Went to the corner Shop - bought 4 corners.

47. So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.

46. I'll tell Du what I Liebe doing Mehr than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

45. I tried water polo...
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posted by Milorox18
1. When Du get pulled over, say “What’s wrong, ossifer, there’s no blood in my alcohol?”

2. When he asks why Du were speeding, tell him Du wanted to race.

3. When he talks to you, pretend Du are deaf.

4. If he asks if Du knew how fast Du were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to……

5. Ask if Du can see his gun.

6. When he says Du aren’t allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.

7. Touch him.

8. When he asks why Du were speeding, tell him Du had to buy a hat.

9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.

10. Refer to him Von his first name.

11. Pretend Du are gay...
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posted by Mallory101
" Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
Moooooove, I'm trying to speed!
If you're rich, I’m single!
0-60 in 15 minutes!
A clean car is a sign if sick mind.
100% Irony Free
Adrenalin is my drug of choice.
Adults are just kids with money.
Baby on bored
HOME SCHOOL. Smarter than ever.
I talk to strangers
I Think Feminists Are Cute!
Keep honking, I am reloading!
Pain is inevitable misery is optional.
To All Du Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
Tennis players have fuzzy balls.
Your honor student deals the best drugs.


The fastest way to a fisherman's herz is through his fly
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re...
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found this on the net:

18 Fun Things To Do In A Final That Does Not Matter (i.e. Du are going to fail the class completely no matter what Du get on the final exam)

1) Get the copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!"

2) Talk the entire way through the exam. Read Fragen aloud, Debatte your Antwort with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure Du can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3) Bring cheerleaders.

4) Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five Minuten into it, loudly say to the...
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posted by slytherin360
Found this on the net:

24 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of Du just shut UP!"

2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

3. Crack open your aktentasche, aktenkoffer oder purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

4. Offer name Tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they...
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