1. When Du get pulled over, say “What’s wrong, ossifer, there’s no blood in my alcohol?”
2. When he asks why Du were speeding, tell him Du wanted to race.
3. When he talks to you, pretend Du are deaf.
4. If he asks if Du knew how fast Du were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to……
5. Ask if Du can see his gun.
6. When he says Du aren’t allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.
7. Touch him.
8. When he asks why Du were speeding, tell him Du had to buy a hat.
9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
10. Refer to him Von his first name.
11. Pretend Du are gay and ask him out.
12. When he says no, cry.
13. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.
14. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.
15. If he asks Du to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.
16. When he asks Du to spread them, tell him Du don’t go that way.
17. When he puts the handcuffs on, say “Usually my dates buy me abendessen first”
18. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause Du don’t like ink on your fingers.
19. After Du sign the ticket and give it to him, say “Oops! That’s the wrong name.”
20. Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him sorry, I just ate the last one.
21. When he comes up to the car, say “License and registration, please” right when he says it.
22. When he goes to read Du your rights, sing “La La La, I can’t hear you!”
23. Trip and fall into him.
24. Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes Du away.
25. Before Du sign the ticket, pick your nose. Du have to sign with his pen.
26. Chew on the pen, nervously.
27. Clean your ear with the pen.
28. If it’s a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.
29. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar…..
30. Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was.
31. Act like Du are retarded.
32. When he’s telling Du what Du did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.
33. Mumble to yourself.
34. When he tells Du to stop, say what are Du talkin about, DUDE?
35. Drive to Dunkin Donuts and say hmmm….only 5 of Du here tonight…….
36. Ask if they know how to make the donuts.
37. When he comes to the car, say I have a badge just like yours!
38. Ask if he watches Cops.
39. Ask if ever watched Cop Rock.
40. Giggle if he did.
41. Talk to your hand.
42. Ask if he knows somone named Rosy Palm and her Five Favorit Friends.
43. Accuse him of Sexual Harassment if he does.
44. When he frisks you, say Du missed a spot, and grin.
45. When he asks to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it.
46. Try to sell him your car.
47. Ask if Du can buy his car.
48. If he takes Du to the station, Ask to sit in front.
49. Play with the siren.
50. If Du know him, say Du had his wife for dinner.
51. If Du don’t know him, ask if Du can have his wife for dinner. Oops…I meant OVER for dinner
52. Ask if he ever had pu-tang er.
53. If he asks what it is, point at him and giggle.
54. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues.
55. When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him and laugh.
56. When Du are in the back, touch his neck through the fencing.
57. Turn your head and whistle.
58. When he pulls out his night stick, say what Du gonna do with that.
59. If Du are female, say I don’t do that on the first date.
60. If he sticks Du in the back of the car, cower in the corner, suck your thumb, and whine.
61. Stare at his lights and say “Look at the pretty colors!”
62. Tell him Du like men in uniform.
63. Ask if Du can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party