These are supposedly actual answering machine announcements.
1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to Du as soon as we're finished.
2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.
3. Hi. This is John: If Du are the phone company, I already sent the money. If Du are my parents, please send money. If Du are my financial aid institution, Du didn't lend me enough money. If Du are my friends, Du owe me money. If Du are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
4. Hi. Now Du say something.
5. Hi, I'm not Home right now, but my answering machine is, so Du can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
7. Hello! If Du leave a message, I'll call Du soon. If Du leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!
8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
9. Hello, Du are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows oder a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
10. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.
11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait Von your phone until I call Du back.
13. If Du are a burglar, then we're probably at Home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't Home and it's safe, sicher to leave a message.
14. Please leave a message. However, Du have the right to remain silent. Everything Du say will be recorded and will be used Von us.
15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.