Creative voicemail greatings?

My friend does this... And gets me every time!!
Say "hello" as if Du picked the phone up! Then "this is __ and I'm not here right now...."
I'm for real it's funny!

Call me, beep me, if Du want to reach me. CALL ME, BEEP ME, IF Du WANT TO REACH ME! Doesn't matter when, doesn't where I WILL BE THERE WITH Du 'TIL THE VERY END! Danger, oder trouble, I'm there on the double...IF Du JUST CALL MY NAME (insert name here...DON'T DARE MAKE IT KIM POSSIBLE XD)

This is my voicemail. I obviously couldn't come to the phone right now because one) I'm masturbating and two) I'm masturbating. Leave a message after the beep.

"Hey, I just met you... and this is crazy! here's my number, so call me maybe!"

:D x3

You've reached Kowalski. Sorry I can't get to the phone right now but if Du * explosion goes off and silence*
I'm okay. That was my invention in the lab, heheh.. *nervous laugh* So yeah, leave a voicemail after the beep.. *beep*

Hey, this is ____ and if Du don't know what to do Von now, hang up.

or

*casually like Du are picking up the phone* Hello? *wait a few seconds* I'm not talking to you. *wait a little more* *saying perky like* So leave a message after tha beeeeeep!

mine is "hi this is ___" *beep* thts mine XD

*in a seductive voice* hey, this is the voicemail of ___, Du know what to do. if Du dont...*sings Zufällig song*

It is I, the mighty (Insert name)! I never surrender, never waver and always win! If Du want to talk with someone as incredible as myself, leave your message after the beep! If not, retreat and run while Du still can!