What's the best joke Du know?

DIVORCE LETTER

Dear Wife:

I'm Schreiben Du this letter to tell Du that I'm leaving Du forever. I've been a good man to Du for seven years and I have nothing to Zeigen for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that Du quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, Du came Home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut,had cooked your Favorit meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. Du ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after
watching all of your soaps. Du don't tell me Du Liebe me anymore;
Du don't want sex oder anything that connects us as husband and wife.

Either you're cheating on me oder Du don't Liebe me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER Carla and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

______________________________________…
Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my Tag Mehr than receiving your letter.
It's true that Du and I have been married for seven years, although
a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so
much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when Du got a hair cut last week, but the first thing
that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother
raised me not to say anything if Du can't say something nice, I
didn't comment. And when Du cooked my Favorit meal, Du must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from Du because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty do llars from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved Du and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But then I got Home Du were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope Du have the
fulfilling life Du always wanted. My lawyer sagte that the letter
Du wrote ensures Du won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed ,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told Du this, but my sister Carla
was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

I have three funny jokes.

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bär suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bär sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The Sekunde guys says, "What are Du doing? Sneakers won’t help Du outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."

Here's the other one.

A guy is sitting at Home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a schnecke on the porch. He picks up the schnecke and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The schnecke says "What the hell was that all about?"

Here's the last one

Three kids come down to the küche and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves Mehr fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."

Eh I don't know if it's the best joke but it's what I have right now. :/
Best friends.. Du fight, I fight. Du hurt, I hurt. Du cry, I cry. Du jump off a bridge; I get in a paddle boot and save your stupid ass.

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor had to call in the bomb squad.

why was the dog sweaty???

A bär and a rabbit are shiting in some bushes and the bär asks the rabbit "do Du have problems with crap sticking to your fur,and the rabbit Antworten "no i dont" so the bär whipes his arsch with the rabitt

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One Tag the husband comes Home from work and his wife says, "Honey, Du know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could Du fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes Home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could Du change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can Du please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The Weiter Tag the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He sagte he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake oder slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did Du make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

OR

A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a bier bottle and bangs the gator on the oben, nach oben of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but Du have to promise not to hit me on the head with the bier bottle."

I don't know if this can be counted as one

Teacher to student:why are Du talking in the middle of my lesson.

Student to teacher: why are Du talking in the middle of my conversation