A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, Du can paint my porch. How much will Du charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and sagte to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And Von the way," the blonde added, "That's not a Porsche, it's a Ferrari." ^^^^ would totes piss me off!!! SHE PAINTED MY FUCKING CARRR!!!
How do u kill a dumb blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool
SOOO a brunette, a red head, and a dumb blonde are trapped on an island 20 miles from safety. The Brunette swims out 5 miles, gets tired, and swims back. The Red Head swims 7 miles, get tired, and swims back. The dumb blonde swims 10 miles, gets tired, and swims back.
Do Du get it?^^^ The blonde swam ten miles there, 10 miles back, and land is 20 miles away, she couldve swam to land, idiot XDD
They were all talking one Tag and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's geldbörse the other Tag to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed"
They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.
Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"
This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.
The blonde driver looks all around in her geldbörse and can’t find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.”
“Well, do Du have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.
The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”
“Let me see it,” says the cop. She holds up the mirror and looks in it. Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known Du were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”
Civic Lesson In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.
A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office. She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural born citizen Mehr qualified to be President than one born Von C-Section?"
Thanksgiving Practical Joke Last Thanksgiving, my mom decided to play a trick on my sister (who's blonde). To get her out of the house, she convinced her that we needed Mehr half and half for the coffee.
While my sister was out, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, then put it inside the turkey, packing stuffing all around it. She then put the turkey back in the oven.
When everything was ready, my sister took the turkey out of the ofen and began to remove the stuffing. When she felt something, she reached in and pulled out the Cornish hen.
Pretending to be shocked, Von mother exclaimed, "Patti, you've cooked a pregnant turkey!"
My sister began to cry and was inconsolable. It took us half an Stunde to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!
The Perfect Weihnachten Tree Two blondes decided that this Weihnachten they wanted to cut down their own Weihnachten tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Weihnachten tree. They had planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the baum and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was covered.
They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the prefect baum would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether it's decorated oder not!"
3 girls were running away from the police. they decided 2 go on a an island. one's a redhead, another's a brunette, and the last one is a blonde. the police were also on the island and the 3 girls went inside a barn. the redhead hid behind a pig, the brunette hid behind a cow, and the blonde hid behind a sack of potatoes. the police were in the scheune and they looked around. they went Von the pig and the rehead said,"oink, oink." then they went over the the cow and the brunette said,"mooo" then the police went over 2 the sack of potatoes and the blonde said,"potato, potato." guess who was put in jail?XD
A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.
She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."
"What did Du not understand ?"
And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"
I have a friend who is exactly like the blondes in these jokes...she says the stupidest things (but she's got black hair)
A blonde was panicing because she had a maths test on that Tag and hadn't studied Her best friend sagte to her, "relax, just take a deep breath in" The blonde was found dead five Minuten later
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!" Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead sagte "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde sagte "No. A bet's a bet." So the redhead sagte "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money." The blonde replied "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
Q: why does it take so long to make a blonde snowman A: because Du have to hollow out its head