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Could someone read my story and then Kommentar on it???

link

That's the link to it. It's just the first page, but I gepostet the whole first chapter Von pages so it won't seem like a long dragging on story.
 Heya posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr
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storylover said:
If Du want A serious feedback Mitmachen link
select as best answer
posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr 
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