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posted by Seanthehedgehog
 Moneybit's disguise
Moneybit's disguise
Weiter morning, Con was going out to buy groceries.

Lola: Don't forget the canolli's.
Con: Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Moneybit: *In disguise* Hello sir. I'm Matilda. Please come with me.
Con: I have to buy some food.
Moneybit: Just come with me.
Con: Whatever.
Moneybit: Taxi!
Taxi driver: *Stops*
Moneybit: *Pushes Con into Taxi, and gets in*
Taxi driver: *Driving taxi* Where to ma'am?
Moneybit: The airport.
Taxi: Okay. While we get to the airport, let me tell Du a little something about myself. I was seven years old when I saw a taxi for the first time. I thought it was amazing how Du could take somepony from one place to another. My mother sagte when I was old enough, I could be a taxi driver too. Now I got my wish, and I'm driving my own taxi. I've had this taxi for a very long time, and it never broke down on me. *stops at airport* Here Du are Du too.
Con: *Leaves taxi*
Moneybit: *gets in Con's way* Mane, Du are not going anywhere without me.
Con: Try me.
Moneybit: I have to take Du back to Canterlot.
Con: Who are Du anyway? *Performing spell on Moneybit*
Moneybit: *Running away*
Con: Get back here!
Moneybit: *Steals motorcycle*
Con: Fuck! *Sees biker* Get off the bike! *Pushes biker off motorcycle, and steals it*
Moneybit: *Riding fast*
Con: *Catching up*
Moneybit: *Goes right*
Con: *Drifts right* Whoa. I didn't know Du could drift on a motorcycle.
Moneybit: *Rides on ramp*
Con: *Goes to ramp*
Moneybit: *Jumps on four story parking garage*
Con: *Jumps on parking garage*
Moneybit: *Goes down*
Con: *Goes down*
Moneybit: *Turns left*
Con: *Turns left*
Zufällig pony: *Backs up delivery van*
Moneybit: *hits delivery van*
Con: *stops bike* Okay. Who are you?
Moneybit: *Laying on ground* Con. It's me. Moneybit.
Con: *Sighs* Why didn't Du say so? Is any part of your body broken?
Moneybit: I think so.

And so, Con called an krankenwagen for Moneybit, and got the groceries for Lola.

When he returned to his apartment, he was in for a surprise.

Con: *Enters hotel room* Lola? *Puts down groceries on floor, and looks around room*
David: Ah!! *Attacks Con*
Con: *Falls on floor*
David: *Kicks Con*
Con: *Smashes vase in David's face*
David: AHH! *Goes backwards*
Con: *grabs chains*
David: *Clears off his face*
Con: *Chokes David with chains*
David: *Choking, and kneels down on floor*
Con: *Breaks David's neck*
David: *Dies*

2 B continued
posted by TimberHumphrey
so here are a few theories i got for this show:

Theory #1: since Hasbro and DHX never even bothered to give Cozy Glow any semblance of a backstory, my theory is that she's actually a fully-grown adult pony stuck inside a filly's body. she was born with a condition that never let her physically age after filly-hood.

Theory #2: while we do know Sunset used to be Celestia's oben, nach oben student, i always thought there was something Mehr to it than just a teacher-student relationship. and since we never get to see if Sunset had parents at some point in time, my theory is that she's Celestia's adopted daughter. remember how worried Celestia was about Sunset at the end of the first EqG movie? yeah, something tells me they're Mehr than just teacher and ex-student.

Theory #3: at one point in time, King Sombra used to be a great and loved king, before he became corrupted Von his desire for power that forced Celestia and Luna to banish him into the abyss.
posted by Seanthehedgehog
The final part of Tom Foolery's Zeigen is here.

Tom: Now, most of Du probably don't know this, but we all have several things in common. I'll give Du an example. We're all here together, in the greatest city in Maressouri.
Crowd: *Clapping*
Tom: I have some even funnier ones. When you're in your car, and Du stop at a red light. Do Du ever try to Bewegen an extra inch oder two?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But when Du see other cars in front of you, you're in no rush to get as close to the other guy as possible. Du just coast to the red light.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Coast to the red light, then all of a sudden...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
Tom was now making fun of the modern movie industry.

Tom: As much as I enjoy being an actor, when I'm not entertaining Du with jokes.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: I always want to make sure the movie I'm in is good. They're not all comedies, my most Kürzlich film, Suicide was actually quite dark. Yet for some reason, comedians feel like it's a great way to improve their career. Correct me if I'm wrong, but being in a dramatic R-rated film will not improve your comedy career.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That's why no one knows who Jim Carrey is anymore.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: His Kürzlich role as Dr. Robotnik...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
Tom continued insulting politicians, much to the delight of his audience.

Tom: Presidential candidates are always a good target for comedians to make fun of, but Du know what another beliebt target is? Black Lives Matter.
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: Many black ponies are accusing millions of ponies of the Caucasian race, for something only one police officer did in the Midwest!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Who's the racist now Du assholes?!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And do Du really think that every single Caucasian hates blacks?! When did we time travel back to the 18th Century?!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Even the...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
What's a comedy Zeigen without politics? Tom is going to make fun of the presidential election.

Tom: I don't know what's worse, this covid pandemic, oder the presidential election.
Crowd: Yeah!!!
Tom: I don't trust either Trump, oder Biden so I'm not going to vote. *Talks like a filly* But Tom, it's important for the economy!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Losing jobs, and spending money on taxes is not good for the economy!
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: I don't give a fuck what ponies tell me. I don't trust the president, I don't trust the princess, I don't trust anyone that works for the Equestrian government! Why?...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
After mentioning things Du should only do alone, Tom had another segment for his audience to enjoy.

Tom: Du know one thing I like to do when I'm alone? Rewatch some episodes of On The Block.
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: Not only do I enjoy comedy, but I also enjoy being an actor. It's the only job where Du can get away with murder.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Unless you're Robert Deniro, and the main protagonist is Al Pacino.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Seeing those two together was a lot of fun, but what really surprised me was seeing Pacino as a cop. He's normally the criminal, but I still got a kick...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
 Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!


St. Foalis Maressouri, 6 PM.

A crowd of thousands of ponies gathered at the Gateway Arch to experience a comedy Zeigen that was being filmed live in 4k. The comedian? Tom Foolery.

Crowd: *Clapping, and chanting* Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom!
Tom: *Arrives at a temporary stage under the Gateway Arch*
Crowd: *Cheering, as they continue to clap*
Tom: Thank Du everypony.
Crowd: *Continuing to cheer and clap*
Tom: Thank Du very much.
Crowd: *Continuing to cheer and clap*
Tom: And shut up.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom:...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog


Jerry: Sorry, but I got nothing.
Vito: I don't feel like dying. That's the reason we left the family in the first place.
Harlan: *Hears a car* What's that? *Looks out the window*
Vito: What is it?
Harlan: A cop.

The three stallions started to panic, but Vito had a plan.

Vito: I think I know what to do. Go upstairs and let me handle this.
Police Pony: *Rings the doorbell*
Vito: *Opens the door* How can I help Du officer?
Police Pony: We got a complaint a while ago. Apparently this morning, some ponies had a gunfight just in front of your house. Du know anything about this?
Vito: No. I was riding...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
What to expect in this episode.

Twilight Sparkle: *In a black umwandelbar, konvertierbar, cabrio with two Royal Guards. A bullet hits the door of the umwandelbar, konvertierbar, cabrio they're in*
Royal Guard: Princess, get down!

---

Captain Jefferson: Someone tried to assassinate the princess as she entered our town.

---

Twilight: Why would somepony want me dead?
Toby: That's what we're trying to find out.

---

Tim: *Gets punched three times Von a blue unicorn. He gets punched one Mehr time, and his glasses break*

Intro
Song: link

Julia: *Driving her police car on the round freeway*
Tim: *Sitting Weiter to her*

Gran Turismo

Starring Larry Wilcox as Tim...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
What to expect in this week's episode.

Tim: You're splitting us up?
Captain Jefferson: Just until Saturday. Someone's gotta teach the new guys what to do.

---

Pony: *Driving a sports car* Turn on the nitrous.
Pony 2: *Turns on the nitrous*
Pony: *Going faster*

---

Captain Jefferson: These two guys are wanted Von the State Troopers, both in this state, and in Pennsylvania.
Tim: *Driving after the bad guys*
Captain Jefferson: We gotta be on our game.
Tim: *Hits another car, and goes on two wheels*

Song: link

Julia: *Driving her police car on the round freeway*
Tim: *Sitting Weiter to her*

Gran Turismo

Starring...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
When Saten Twist returned to Los Angeles in the Super Chief, he saw Jake looking at him.

Jake: *Angry*
Saten: *Sweating* Why is he giving me that look? *Stops the train*
Jake: *Tapping his left front hoof on the ground, waiting for Saten Twist*
Saten: *Climbs down from the engine's cab* Why are Du angry at me?
Jake: Du owe me an apology for the way Du talked to me yesterday.
Saten: John-
Jake: IT'S JAKE!!!!
Saten: Why are Du getting angry at me all of a sudden?
Jake: Your lecture towards me made me lose my job, and now I can't find work anywhere else.
Saten: Du quit?
Jake: Yeah. I'm still waiting...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
 Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!


Song: link
 Celestia: *Runs from the left. She jumps up, her wings spreading wide, then her face gets into the triangle*
Celestia: *Runs from the left. She jumps up, her wings spreading wide, then her face gets into the triangle*


Albuquerque, New Mexicolt. July 19th, 1958

Saten Twist: *Walking towards the Super Chief*
Stallion 16: Here to take this train all the way to Los Angeles?
Saten Twist: *Nods, and climbs into the cab*
Conductor: All aboard!!
Saten Twist: *Blows the horn twice, and makes the train go forward*
 This is the train Saten Twist is driving, called the Super Chief. A luxury train for ponies.
This is the train Saten Twist is driving, called the Super Chief. A luxury train for ponies....
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Oh shit, BT's not making fun of someone this time around? (well in an indirect way I might be but let's see where this goes)

Yeah, I don't care if anyone reads this, I just want to get this off of my chest, because I'm gonna try and be real with this site for once and it's 1 AM in the morning.

One thing I've noticed in the time that i've been a part of this club (since like, 2012 oder something, idk), is that this club has Lost its backbone. The Kürzlich year, now, I've been shitposting like mad, pissing in everyone's cornflakes. I have admittedly been the worst kind of person, for NO good reason....
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added by NocturnalMirage
Source: facebook, EQD
posted by SomeoneButNoone
My name? Alonzo Langusa. Age when I started operating? 23.


Act II

Vengeance...

Living was hard. I had to hide my name. I had to find a good job yet there was not enough money. Life was rough and it was because of these man. Vincent Galar, Apollo Monetto and Angelo Vertezio. I was taught Von ma'am Crossroad not to kill. Yet I wanted to. I wanted vengeance. At age of 15 I started smoking and further drinking at age of 17 until at age of 23 I was kicked from my apartment. I went to Canterlot to find my good old friend her name was Clara. When I came she was shocked. I still remember it.


"Who are you?"...
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posted by SomeoneButNoone
It was a cold night like this one when my father smoked his last cigarette in our family house. The night so cold even me myself did not want to go out. The time? As a kid Du don't care about that. It was dark, and it was winter. Weihnachten day. After Equestrian economical fall and industrial boom, everyone changed, the dirty mafias started to leak. My father was part of one of these. A high up. One of important people in Vertezio familia. Still on that night...

Act I

That Night...

"So how was your Tag outside" Father asked me with a smile. "Good" was all I answered. I was 11 what could I say....
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apfel, apple Bloom: ... Who'd've thought it'd be so hard to find somethin' for us all to do together?

Scootaloo: Well, I know this might sound crazy, but what if we didn't?

Apple Bloom: Didn't what?

Scootaloo: Do things together. Well, do everything together.

Apple Bloom: But we're the Cutie Mark Crusaders!

Scootaloo: And we always will be! But I really wanna bungee jump! The speed, the height, the fall!

Sweetie Belle: And I know Du two aren't interested, but I wanna try : Isn't there something you've always wanted to do on your own?

Apple Bloom: I don't know... I guess I figured we'd always do stuff together....
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added by NocturnalMirage
Source: Facebook
posted by SomeoneButNoone
Darkness - *burst into room* Bad news! Void was kidnapped!
Dan - What?!
Snowflake - Void...


----
Location - ???
---

Void - *wakes up strapped to some tabelle covered with bandages* What the...
Nyx - Good Tag VOID. I never thought Du will be the first to feel truth.
Void - What are you- *looks at him and see big machine behind him*
Nyx - Ah Du see this. My project. Obst of my reschearch. The best weapon ever. Du know - cores are great aren't they. They stay alive for 20 years. But Du know what is better in them. Their power. A sheer power that may Bewegen body oder stimulate brain. And this Sekunde thing...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
Tim, and Julia returned to the police station.

Captain Jefferson: Tim Miller, and Julia Rose.
Tim: Hello Captain.
Captain Jefferson: I heard about your heroic act on Monday Avenue. Well done.
Julia: Don't give us all of the credit Captain. There were other officers as well.
Captain Jefferson: I understand. When I see them, I'll give them their congrats as well.
Tim: We still on stakeout tomorrow Captain?
Captain Jefferson: That's right. You're on stakeout until further notice.

Next day.

Tim: *Driving his viper passing Local Consideration*
Julia: Let's check out The Highway.
Tim: *Turns right on Byer Lane*...
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