|
xXzeyanasXx said:
Ever since I was a little kid, around 4 oder 5, I would Liebe watching Michael's Musik videos. I sang along with them and tried immitating his dance moves as kid, then again who didn't. I enjoyed his Musik very much, but then something terrible happened, as I began to get older, I would listen to the news/ "media" and see a bunch of awful reports about MJ. I was shocked, I didn't know how to react to any of this. I was confused. However my mother wasn't confused at all, she believed everything the media had to say, at least I'm pretty sure she did. Well, I would always hear her talk about how his skin disease vitiligo wasn't true and that he was probably guilty of those horrendous charges. So, what did I do after hearing my mom say all this at a young age? I believed her. I had absolutely no one to tell me otherwise, everytime there was a cruel joke about him, she would laugh. So therefore I would laugh too. It was difficult for me, considering I'm only child and I never knew my dad(he died when I was 3). Most of my 'friends' paid little to no attention to him as well. But there is another problem, I always loved his Musik but I was scared to get any of his albums because of what other kids at my school would think. Stupid I know, when I reflect back on it I realize what an idiot I have been. Though, as I sagte before, no one was there to guide me in the right path. Bare in mind I wasn't even a teenager when I made these foolish choices. As time went on, he began to sadly disappear from my mind. I never really thought of him for the past 4 years oder so. Then all of the sudden, I hear he has died. I was in complete shock and couldn't believe it. It took until after his memorial for me to realize he was actually gone. After that, I couldn't stop crying, I cried myself to sleep at night not only out of sadness, but out of guilt as well. I felt as if though I should be punished for my mistake and the decisions I made. I know it's probably not my fault, but no matter what I cannot stop beating myself up about it. Words cannot express how sorry I am, how much pain I have gone through knowing I can never erase my mistakes and that Michael is no longer with us. I look at Kommentare on Michael's Videos about people who have been true Fans but, I'm only 19. I was born in 1992, so Du can kinda guess the 'image' of Michael that I unfortunately grew up with. Now that is not say that all kids born around that time have the same situation as me, take LoveForMJJ4ever for example. She has loved him practically all her life and I desperately wish I could have been the same. After having been through so much pain and judgments on my undying Liebe for Michael, I now realize that I am a true fan. No one around me is able to see what I see in Michael, no matter how I try to explain. But, I'm okay with that because I know all of us MJ Fans are a family. Finally, I L.O.V.E Du Michael and nothing can change that. Ever.
|
|