Sorry to keep Du waiting :) If Du were waiting xD Anyway, here Du go. I'll post the following one later oder tomorrow. Have it written already :)
-------------------------------------------------
Previously
He sensed her shifting upwards a bit, arching down on him.
He winced stifling, averting his eyes.
God he shouldn't, should he?
“Hugh?” she called.
He sighed, looking up into her eyes again.
Her fingers softly tickled behind his ear. Her eyes pointed at him. Fixed upon him. Large, pale, of a bewitching bright changing color Mehr than ever.
“Yes?” he breathed.
She eased her eyes closed and bent over, holding her lips hanging over his, her herz feeling like raising to her like never before.
She opened her mouth lightly, just a little bit.
“Do Du really Liebe me?” she asked, under her breath.
Hugh gasped hardly again, his mouth slightly open against hers, “I...I...”
A waving fall of dark brown hair went down softly along her neck. Her breath flooded him. Her lips brushed his.
He could hold up no longer.
His eyes started to close, his chest rising and falling at a frenzied rate, “Of course I...”
She sneaked the tip of her tongue out touching his 'causing something to spike violently within him.
“...then make Liebe to me, please” she whispered
--------------------------------------------------
Chap 36
He knew he had Lost track of several Sekunden of his life.
He couldn’t be sure, but it was being as if they had just been gone at some point: sucked down into a blurred timeless whirlwind with no name.
He didn’t knew whether it had been what she had told him, though; oder how she had sagte it; oder the bare fact that he had just been on the edge of letting his senses running amok for too long already. But he had surrendered with a groan at last, locking his mouth with hers, feverishly. And it hadn’t been just desire for what would be worth pointing out. It had been, and it still was, as it had always been to him for her, just simply need; a need so intense to stun; ‘till making Du lose every consciousness of what Du are walking yourself into.
He still believed his mind had railed against it somehow, though, and that he himself had been struggling with her, for a while, as gently and strongly as he could, holding her away as long and firmly as he knew.
But he couldn’t be sure. And it hadn’t been enough.
They only thing he was having a clear perception of was the feeling of his hands, as they run up and down her bare back; her lips pulling his to her; blood thudding, racing through his veins; herz beating to the point of pain as she now shifted herself vorwärts-, nach vorn again, overtopping him.
She must had briefly clutched her hands around his neck, at some point, gasping for air against his mouth. That he did remember.
He remembered her crawling tighter on him, her back arching and her hair falling over his face, the rush he running through him, as her breath intoxicated his head; filled his chest.
He remembered having leaned out towards her himself this time.
He remembered his lips searching hers, greedily. His mind into an total overdrive,
He remembered his hands moving back to her waistband, his fingers smoothing over her hips and then the Küssen growing Mehr and Mehr roughly.
He remembered the eagerness with which he couldn’t stop touching her and how it had tasted like hell and heaven when their bounds Abbrechen each other and Du yourself don’t know anymore to which one you’re meant to belong.
He remembered the moment then: the one in which one of his hands had clutched her closer to him, even Mehr firmly and the other one had suddenly slid to one side cupping under her bra. The moment he had Lost track, he suspected. ‘Cause then he couldn’t tell what had happened next. Whether she had really writhed upon him to the touch and held her breath, as he had sensed her, oder for how long his hands had lingered on her breast. Whether they just couldn’t have stayed still enough to have to run quickly down again probing at the skin on her back oder how had it happened that at some point hell and heaven had mingled, and he had scooped her up from behind and rolled them over, pulling her under his body.
However, no matter the farther his kisses went, no matter how hard she pulled at his shoulders he couldn’t just stop the streaming.
He just couldn’t.
There were Bilder floating into his mind, Bilder he didn’t know he had memory of: pictures of his past, flashes of their present, feelings of a lifetime.
Patchy intendments, which they were there as he thought of them and completely gone just a Sekunde later.
Hugh keep frowning, wishing to just simply draw himself into her. He winced, and held his eyes shut.
And it was just the feeling of her body ground against his all over again. The feeling of her hips whenever they arched up against his as he brushed across her. And then her breast. The feeling of her breast as it rose and fell, rose and fell and bucked whenever he worked his way down again to her collarbone.
And yet he couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t stop that streaming.
The Bilder simply whirled and dizzied into his mind and then they were gone it seemed. But he couldn’t stop them...
There there the two of them chit-chatting, chortling together, at the dim reddish candlelight of one of those small tents set up for one of those all-the-same after parties of theirs. Faceless people surrounding them, engaging themselves in conversation. One hundreds potentially prying eyes possibly sneaking up on them. And he couldn’t get a grip on himself: he just couldn’t rip his eyes away...
There was the first big fight he had been having with Jo after that first joint interview she hadn’t liked the vibe of and then again, just the two of them, going off into a secluded corner, when keeping their hands off each other in public was beginning to feel impossible, even if that just meant fiddling with each other’s fingers at the time, Lisa’s KISS his cheek. Hugging her up for a second.
Years passing Von and not coming back.
There was Jo again then, years later, the look on her face as she warned him. Her voice in the back of his mind as she she told him she wouldn’t be suffering from another public humiliation. Her tone ringing in his ears, just as dry and bitter as it had been, this very December, as she mocked him; ‘cause if he had really wanted it badly enough, as he so much liked to believed, he would have never flied back Home to her...
Billy yelling at him from behind his bedroom door. Charlie telling him that he didn’t fucking give a damn about it and shutting his own door closed. His herz shrinking as Becca passed Von in that very moment, eyes hard to the ground, pretending she hadn’t heard what the fight had been about. Pretending she was Mehr of a grown-up. That it didn’t affect her...
There was Lisa rolling in bett with him, sifting laughs and still struggling even he if he had managed to pin her down under him, eventually. He had told her breathless then, that he was just completely crazy about her. Just like that. Her eyes had lit up in the darkness: there was the look in her eyes, the roiling within him, that lighthearted palpable thrill in the air...
And it was morning already.
There were him and Jo at the Emmys, and Lisa dressed up in blue avoiding his stare, Schauspielen cold and distant. His silent desire to smash everything. A deaf pain in his chest as Jo shook her head at him, mockingly, arms crossed over her chest and he ended up slamming the door shut behind him yelling that he didn’t stand this anymore....
There was Stephen asking him what he was doing, Robert telling him that someone would get hurt once again, Lisa telling him it was over, the tentative distrustful look in her eyes as she stand Von the threshold pondering on trusting him again, the word Friends floating in the air of the night up on that terrace...
The two of them hanging out, dancing at parties, sitting together, Lesen scripts, rehashing with no need to, talking over the phone miles away from each other.
The two of them who couldn’t help teasing each other, bickering, flirting shamefully even when it was no occasion for it.
The two of them shooting one thousands different takes. Their eyes locking, their eyes sparkling, their eyes chasing each other off camera.
The two of them kissing, the two of them arguing, yelling, ignoring each other, laughing, hurting each other, making love, drifting apart; him hating it all and loving her Mehr than he would ever forgive himself for, loving his kids, caring about Jo, hating himself, being sorry for everything, wishing to numb himself out of it all....
And then there was that very same hollow aching pang in his chest, as he still kissed her, furrowed his brows and still found himself Küssen her and squeezing his eyes shut, while the pictures kept streaming and he couldn’t stop them and the burning hotness of the water of that afternoon seemed to be running down his body once again as Lisa’s fingers slid to the button of his pants....
He squeezed his eyes again, trembling and reached to clutch her hand.
He pulled his lips away from hers, winded.
“Wait, wait, wait...” he whispered out of breath.
Lisa eased her eyes open, “What?” she panted. Her breath mingling with his, so shallow she could barely talk.
He breathed hard. So hard it rasped in his throat, “I...I can’t....” he said.
Lisa felt blood still burning hot in her lips suddenly turning cold.
“What?” she panted.
Hugh had to breath out again, everything still spinning about his head, “I...I can’t do it...sorry...sorry, I can’t do it...”
He pulled himself upright, getting seated. He stood on the edge, rubbing his face with both hands.
Lisa was riveted to the spot, her lips half-open, red and swollen, her herz still pounding arrhythmically in her chest, making it ache. She had to keep watching him for a moment, unable to process as much quickly as she should have, probably. Until suddenly something triggered her. It stirred inside her, violently, getting her to push herself upright as well.
The word hissed between her teeth.
”What?” she repeated, lowering her head to look at him.
Hugh turned ahead, panting yet. His eyes shifted down. Lisa’s jersey still fell open on the front, unraveling her breast.
He moved his eyes up again, breathing painfully.
He didn’t know what to do with what had been going on inside him all night. But he certainly couldn’t keep going like this.
The Frage simply took form then and the words ripped out.
And he knew he had been asking himself forever already. And that he should have asked her before. That he just should’t have been pretending he could do it. So this was it.
“Liz...” he panted “...what are we...what are we doing?”
And yet when he asked her, he still wished she had just told him the answer he wanted to hear and still couldn’t bring himself to ask for.
Lisa’s eyes narrowed, though, giving him none.
He swallowed, his herz leaping into his chest. He didn’t know why.
She was just limiting herself to stare at him. But there was a look he had no name for slowly Wird angezeigt on her face. A look he didn’t like the dimness of.
He got his breath.
“Liz....I...I...”But he didn’t know I what though. Thoughts whirled about in his head, confusedly once again. He should have never had gone there in first place. And he should have never even been thinking of really asking her now, in ANY Sekunde place. But how could he not after all of this was just something he could find no answer to.
He sighed and joined his palms at last, bringing them level with his nose. He floundered them back and forth in front of it.
“Ok...” he breathed out “...listen, I though about it, alright?” he told her, his breath failing him “I thought about it an AWFUL lot, believed me.....”
Lisa was feeling like a riot was on the verge to burst out in her chest. His voice sounded awfully pitied to her, his eyes gentling like she couldn’t stand.
“And I know” he kept on “....I know what I sagte on the spur of the moment....I mean, BELIEVE ME, I know about all my wonderful intendments and whatever I got Du to believe about how I was cool with it and so on...I KNOW...”
His heartbeat raced. He knew about his bullocks of intendments indeed. He knew how they were just about to go all wasted, he knew about how much of his true Farben he was showing, alright? He fucking knew it, but he couldn’t help it.
He sighed, pained and cupped his nose into his hands.
“I know it alright?!” he whispered “...I know. I just...I mean...”
He hesitated.
“We are going back to...”
He paused.
“And I can’t...” he said, swallowing hard, “it makes me feel torn, too much, not knowing...” he panted “I mean...I need to...I..are Du getting what I mean?” he asked in the end.
Lisa breathed through her nose deeply, slowly, keeping on staring. Without a word.
He squeezed his eyes, his nose still plunged into his hands. He wasn’t managing to quite put his feelings into words. AGAIN. But he couldn’t stand this silence of hers. He just couldn’t.
“Please, Liz...say something, will you?”
Lisa stood quiet, arms down and hands clutched to the edge of the couch.
He turned ahead towards her “Liz...what are Du thinking, please....”
Her lips hardened into a tight line. She couldn’t help the stirring from growing stronger inside her though.
“Liz...please, talk to me, what are thinking?” He reached out and put one hand down on hers, then.
Her eyes shifted down., her breath quickening.
She lifted up her stare again.
“Liz please....”
She sagte nothing.
“Liz...”
She felt the blood surging, going to her head.
“Liz...I beg you...”
She got her breath, “Do Du really wanna know.... “ she started off, coldly panting a bit “Do Du really wanna know....what I think?”
Hugh’s eyes softened again.
“Yes please...” he said, squeezing her hand ever so gently.
Her herz raced, bridling to the feeling of it “You really wanna know?!”
Hugh sighed once Mehr “Yes, yes...of course, speak your mind...I just...I mean...” he swung his head, biting his upper lip “I know..it must sound crazy to you, you’re right but I....”
“MY MIND IS....” she burst out suddenly pinching her voice higher.
Hugh silenced abruptly, raising his eyes up, as he felt her hand sliding out of his.
“My mind is...” she repeated, glaring at him, breathing harder and harder through her nose, “My mind is, if Du really wanna know...” her eyes turned glassy, cold, like a flat silver glass of mirror. They froze him, “..that we probably run a little bit out of time for a crises of conscience here....” she trailed off, in one single swallow.
Hugh stood still just watching her, for a few seconds. He just stared at her, witnessing it all as the light in her eyes got dimmer Von Sekunden and the glass shuttered in a billions glittering sharp-pointed pieces, before his very eyes.
He realized Von those words, the spell had just got broken.
-------------------------------------------------
Previously
He sensed her shifting upwards a bit, arching down on him.
He winced stifling, averting his eyes.
God he shouldn't, should he?
“Hugh?” she called.
He sighed, looking up into her eyes again.
Her fingers softly tickled behind his ear. Her eyes pointed at him. Fixed upon him. Large, pale, of a bewitching bright changing color Mehr than ever.
“Yes?” he breathed.
She eased her eyes closed and bent over, holding her lips hanging over his, her herz feeling like raising to her like never before.
She opened her mouth lightly, just a little bit.
“Do Du really Liebe me?” she asked, under her breath.
Hugh gasped hardly again, his mouth slightly open against hers, “I...I...”
A waving fall of dark brown hair went down softly along her neck. Her breath flooded him. Her lips brushed his.
He could hold up no longer.
His eyes started to close, his chest rising and falling at a frenzied rate, “Of course I...”
She sneaked the tip of her tongue out touching his 'causing something to spike violently within him.
“...then make Liebe to me, please” she whispered
--------------------------------------------------
Chap 36
He knew he had Lost track of several Sekunden of his life.
He couldn’t be sure, but it was being as if they had just been gone at some point: sucked down into a blurred timeless whirlwind with no name.
He didn’t knew whether it had been what she had told him, though; oder how she had sagte it; oder the bare fact that he had just been on the edge of letting his senses running amok for too long already. But he had surrendered with a groan at last, locking his mouth with hers, feverishly. And it hadn’t been just desire for what would be worth pointing out. It had been, and it still was, as it had always been to him for her, just simply need; a need so intense to stun; ‘till making Du lose every consciousness of what Du are walking yourself into.
He still believed his mind had railed against it somehow, though, and that he himself had been struggling with her, for a while, as gently and strongly as he could, holding her away as long and firmly as he knew.
But he couldn’t be sure. And it hadn’t been enough.
They only thing he was having a clear perception of was the feeling of his hands, as they run up and down her bare back; her lips pulling his to her; blood thudding, racing through his veins; herz beating to the point of pain as she now shifted herself vorwärts-, nach vorn again, overtopping him.
She must had briefly clutched her hands around his neck, at some point, gasping for air against his mouth. That he did remember.
He remembered her crawling tighter on him, her back arching and her hair falling over his face, the rush he running through him, as her breath intoxicated his head; filled his chest.
He remembered having leaned out towards her himself this time.
He remembered his lips searching hers, greedily. His mind into an total overdrive,
He remembered his hands moving back to her waistband, his fingers smoothing over her hips and then the Küssen growing Mehr and Mehr roughly.
He remembered the eagerness with which he couldn’t stop touching her and how it had tasted like hell and heaven when their bounds Abbrechen each other and Du yourself don’t know anymore to which one you’re meant to belong.
He remembered the moment then: the one in which one of his hands had clutched her closer to him, even Mehr firmly and the other one had suddenly slid to one side cupping under her bra. The moment he had Lost track, he suspected. ‘Cause then he couldn’t tell what had happened next. Whether she had really writhed upon him to the touch and held her breath, as he had sensed her, oder for how long his hands had lingered on her breast. Whether they just couldn’t have stayed still enough to have to run quickly down again probing at the skin on her back oder how had it happened that at some point hell and heaven had mingled, and he had scooped her up from behind and rolled them over, pulling her under his body.
However, no matter the farther his kisses went, no matter how hard she pulled at his shoulders he couldn’t just stop the streaming.
He just couldn’t.
There were Bilder floating into his mind, Bilder he didn’t know he had memory of: pictures of his past, flashes of their present, feelings of a lifetime.
Patchy intendments, which they were there as he thought of them and completely gone just a Sekunde later.
Hugh keep frowning, wishing to just simply draw himself into her. He winced, and held his eyes shut.
And it was just the feeling of her body ground against his all over again. The feeling of her hips whenever they arched up against his as he brushed across her. And then her breast. The feeling of her breast as it rose and fell, rose and fell and bucked whenever he worked his way down again to her collarbone.
And yet he couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t stop that streaming.
The Bilder simply whirled and dizzied into his mind and then they were gone it seemed. But he couldn’t stop them...
There there the two of them chit-chatting, chortling together, at the dim reddish candlelight of one of those small tents set up for one of those all-the-same after parties of theirs. Faceless people surrounding them, engaging themselves in conversation. One hundreds potentially prying eyes possibly sneaking up on them. And he couldn’t get a grip on himself: he just couldn’t rip his eyes away...
There was the first big fight he had been having with Jo after that first joint interview she hadn’t liked the vibe of and then again, just the two of them, going off into a secluded corner, when keeping their hands off each other in public was beginning to feel impossible, even if that just meant fiddling with each other’s fingers at the time, Lisa’s KISS his cheek. Hugging her up for a second.
Years passing Von and not coming back.
There was Jo again then, years later, the look on her face as she warned him. Her voice in the back of his mind as she she told him she wouldn’t be suffering from another public humiliation. Her tone ringing in his ears, just as dry and bitter as it had been, this very December, as she mocked him; ‘cause if he had really wanted it badly enough, as he so much liked to believed, he would have never flied back Home to her...
Billy yelling at him from behind his bedroom door. Charlie telling him that he didn’t fucking give a damn about it and shutting his own door closed. His herz shrinking as Becca passed Von in that very moment, eyes hard to the ground, pretending she hadn’t heard what the fight had been about. Pretending she was Mehr of a grown-up. That it didn’t affect her...
There was Lisa rolling in bett with him, sifting laughs and still struggling even he if he had managed to pin her down under him, eventually. He had told her breathless then, that he was just completely crazy about her. Just like that. Her eyes had lit up in the darkness: there was the look in her eyes, the roiling within him, that lighthearted palpable thrill in the air...
And it was morning already.
There were him and Jo at the Emmys, and Lisa dressed up in blue avoiding his stare, Schauspielen cold and distant. His silent desire to smash everything. A deaf pain in his chest as Jo shook her head at him, mockingly, arms crossed over her chest and he ended up slamming the door shut behind him yelling that he didn’t stand this anymore....
There was Stephen asking him what he was doing, Robert telling him that someone would get hurt once again, Lisa telling him it was over, the tentative distrustful look in her eyes as she stand Von the threshold pondering on trusting him again, the word Friends floating in the air of the night up on that terrace...
The two of them hanging out, dancing at parties, sitting together, Lesen scripts, rehashing with no need to, talking over the phone miles away from each other.
The two of them who couldn’t help teasing each other, bickering, flirting shamefully even when it was no occasion for it.
The two of them shooting one thousands different takes. Their eyes locking, their eyes sparkling, their eyes chasing each other off camera.
The two of them kissing, the two of them arguing, yelling, ignoring each other, laughing, hurting each other, making love, drifting apart; him hating it all and loving her Mehr than he would ever forgive himself for, loving his kids, caring about Jo, hating himself, being sorry for everything, wishing to numb himself out of it all....
And then there was that very same hollow aching pang in his chest, as he still kissed her, furrowed his brows and still found himself Küssen her and squeezing his eyes shut, while the pictures kept streaming and he couldn’t stop them and the burning hotness of the water of that afternoon seemed to be running down his body once again as Lisa’s fingers slid to the button of his pants....
He squeezed his eyes again, trembling and reached to clutch her hand.
He pulled his lips away from hers, winded.
“Wait, wait, wait...” he whispered out of breath.
Lisa eased her eyes open, “What?” she panted. Her breath mingling with his, so shallow she could barely talk.
He breathed hard. So hard it rasped in his throat, “I...I can’t....” he said.
Lisa felt blood still burning hot in her lips suddenly turning cold.
“What?” she panted.
Hugh had to breath out again, everything still spinning about his head, “I...I can’t do it...sorry...sorry, I can’t do it...”
He pulled himself upright, getting seated. He stood on the edge, rubbing his face with both hands.
Lisa was riveted to the spot, her lips half-open, red and swollen, her herz still pounding arrhythmically in her chest, making it ache. She had to keep watching him for a moment, unable to process as much quickly as she should have, probably. Until suddenly something triggered her. It stirred inside her, violently, getting her to push herself upright as well.
The word hissed between her teeth.
”What?” she repeated, lowering her head to look at him.
Hugh turned ahead, panting yet. His eyes shifted down. Lisa’s jersey still fell open on the front, unraveling her breast.
He moved his eyes up again, breathing painfully.
He didn’t know what to do with what had been going on inside him all night. But he certainly couldn’t keep going like this.
The Frage simply took form then and the words ripped out.
And he knew he had been asking himself forever already. And that he should have asked her before. That he just should’t have been pretending he could do it. So this was it.
“Liz...” he panted “...what are we...what are we doing?”
And yet when he asked her, he still wished she had just told him the answer he wanted to hear and still couldn’t bring himself to ask for.
Lisa’s eyes narrowed, though, giving him none.
He swallowed, his herz leaping into his chest. He didn’t know why.
She was just limiting herself to stare at him. But there was a look he had no name for slowly Wird angezeigt on her face. A look he didn’t like the dimness of.
He got his breath.
“Liz....I...I...”But he didn’t know I what though. Thoughts whirled about in his head, confusedly once again. He should have never had gone there in first place. And he should have never even been thinking of really asking her now, in ANY Sekunde place. But how could he not after all of this was just something he could find no answer to.
He sighed and joined his palms at last, bringing them level with his nose. He floundered them back and forth in front of it.
“Ok...” he breathed out “...listen, I though about it, alright?” he told her, his breath failing him “I thought about it an AWFUL lot, believed me.....”
Lisa was feeling like a riot was on the verge to burst out in her chest. His voice sounded awfully pitied to her, his eyes gentling like she couldn’t stand.
“And I know” he kept on “....I know what I sagte on the spur of the moment....I mean, BELIEVE ME, I know about all my wonderful intendments and whatever I got Du to believe about how I was cool with it and so on...I KNOW...”
His heartbeat raced. He knew about his bullocks of intendments indeed. He knew how they were just about to go all wasted, he knew about how much of his true Farben he was showing, alright? He fucking knew it, but he couldn’t help it.
He sighed, pained and cupped his nose into his hands.
“I know it alright?!” he whispered “...I know. I just...I mean...”
He hesitated.
“We are going back to...”
He paused.
“And I can’t...” he said, swallowing hard, “it makes me feel torn, too much, not knowing...” he panted “I mean...I need to...I..are Du getting what I mean?” he asked in the end.
Lisa breathed through her nose deeply, slowly, keeping on staring. Without a word.
He squeezed his eyes, his nose still plunged into his hands. He wasn’t managing to quite put his feelings into words. AGAIN. But he couldn’t stand this silence of hers. He just couldn’t.
“Please, Liz...say something, will you?”
Lisa stood quiet, arms down and hands clutched to the edge of the couch.
He turned ahead towards her “Liz...what are Du thinking, please....”
Her lips hardened into a tight line. She couldn’t help the stirring from growing stronger inside her though.
“Liz...please, talk to me, what are thinking?” He reached out and put one hand down on hers, then.
Her eyes shifted down., her breath quickening.
She lifted up her stare again.
“Liz please....”
She sagte nothing.
“Liz...”
She felt the blood surging, going to her head.
“Liz...I beg you...”
She got her breath, “Do Du really wanna know.... “ she started off, coldly panting a bit “Do Du really wanna know....what I think?”
Hugh’s eyes softened again.
“Yes please...” he said, squeezing her hand ever so gently.
Her herz raced, bridling to the feeling of it “You really wanna know?!”
Hugh sighed once Mehr “Yes, yes...of course, speak your mind...I just...I mean...” he swung his head, biting his upper lip “I know..it must sound crazy to you, you’re right but I....”
“MY MIND IS....” she burst out suddenly pinching her voice higher.
Hugh silenced abruptly, raising his eyes up, as he felt her hand sliding out of his.
“My mind is...” she repeated, glaring at him, breathing harder and harder through her nose, “My mind is, if Du really wanna know...” her eyes turned glassy, cold, like a flat silver glass of mirror. They froze him, “..that we probably run a little bit out of time for a crises of conscience here....” she trailed off, in one single swallow.
Hugh stood still just watching her, for a few seconds. He just stared at her, witnessing it all as the light in her eyes got dimmer Von Sekunden and the glass shuttered in a billions glittering sharp-pointed pieces, before his very eyes.
He realized Von those words, the spell had just got broken.
