Thanks, the simple title will give me nightmares by the way. I'll wake up in the middle night screaming because of it.

Harry would have inky, raven, jet black hair. His eyes would constantly glisten like emeralds, or sometimes jade. He either wouldn't wear glasses, but if he did they would be studded with diamonds. He would be unnaturally strong and top of the class. He would be in love with Hermione.
Ron's hair would be bronze, not red. He wouldn't have freckles. His eyes would be the colour of the ocean. He would be unnaturally strong and top of the class. He would be in love with Hermione.
Hermione's hair would be long, glossy chocolate brown and either straight or curly. Her eyes would be a pretty deep brown. Her teeth would be straight, normal sized, and pearly white. She would be top of the class, but clumsy. She would be in love with Harry and Ron.
The story would take place in the beautiful, faraway palace of Swanfeathers, which is described every chapter in long paragraphs of similes and adjectives that don't fit into the context.
The first book begins with Harry, who is the most popular boy in school, although he angsts and chagrins about fitting in with all the normal, somewhat less popular kids. He lives with his parents, the most beautiful witch and wizard in the world, who have been together for fifteen years without having a single fight. Although Harry has a great life, he feels as though something's missing. When he turns eleven, his wonderful parents decide to send him to Swanfeathers, even though he wants to stay home and live a normal life. He angsts about having to go to the beautiful, faraway palace of Swanfeathers for a couple of chapters. Finally, he gets on the Swanfeathers Railway and heads off to the faraway, magical land. On the train, he meets Ron, and they instantly become best friends. After lunch, which was a huge feast that barely fit into the compartment, the stunning Hermione Granger trips through the door. Harry and Ron both fall in love with her at first sight, and put it down to destiny that they met. Hermione falls in love with both boys. Harry is the first to ask her out, and she accepts immediately. Meanwhile, Ron is jealous.
At Swanfeathers, they are the best in all their classes, and even the seventh-years can't keep up with their incredible skills. Their favourite teachers are Dumbledore (who is straight in this story), and his wife, Professor McGonagall. The two professors are madly in love, and because they are so in love, they are kind to all the students, giving house points to them when they get answers wrong and are late to class. The trio's least favourite teacher is Professor Snape, because they called him ugly so he was totally unfair about it and gave them a detention. At the end of the first book, Harry and Ron talk Voldemort out of stealing the philosopher's stone, Hermione screams a lot because he's scary, and Harry and Hermione have their first kiss while Ron watches on enviously. They go home for the summer and Harry realises that he grew to love Swanfeathers after all.
Similar plots follow in the next six books. Hermione realises she really does love Ron too, and they have a brief affair unknown to Harry. In the sixth book Hermione finally chooses Harry to be with forever, because he has glistening emerald-jade eyes. Nobody dies except for Snape, who was so ugly that he had it coming, and Bellatrix Lestrange because she tried to avenge the evil Snape. In the last book the trio talk to Voldemort, using knowledge of his past and the beautiful girl he once loved, who also turns out to be Harry's twin sister. Voldemort realises he still loves the girl, and turns good. Harry and Hermione get married, Ron falls in love with Fleaur's beautiful daughter, and they all use the Philosophers stone to stay young forever. No other characters apart from the ones I have already mentioned are introduced, and there are no backstories for any of them. They live happily ever after.
There may be some sort of sparkling involved.

Haha, that was fun!

ˆepic win

Thankyou :)

SerialFangirl. You win at life!

Also, if Ginny was involved, when Harry left her at the end of HBP she would not go on to be all strong and independent about it even though she loves him, or fight during the Order of the Pheonix or the Battle of Hogwarts, or restart the DA with Neville and Luna to defy Snape's regime, or try to steal the sword of Gryffindor. No, she'd sit and home and pout and mope and cry and then sink into a comatose depression spanning several years until Harry returns. Which he definitely would, even without Ginny's help, and he'd be overwhelmed with love for her even though she just sat at home and cried forever. Because nobody decent dies in Smeyerworld.

^Haha, win! This is really cool!

I'll just write the exact same thing that I wrote for a poll a long time ago that most of you probably already read:

Imagine Voldemort decided to be good and opened up his own versoin of the Leaky Cauldron (Sp?) and the Hogs Head before the series. He'll be a fun, loving guy, who said sorry to all the families he killed someone from and they all instantly forgive him.

THEN, there'll be a love triangle between Voldemort, Dumbledore (imagine he wasn't gay) and Professor McGonagall. Professor McGonagall will then change her name to Felicity Diamond, grow 40 years younger, will have brown eyes and hair and will be loving and caring instead of strict.

Dumbledore will grow 150 years younger so he's abput the same age as Felicity, change his name to Brock Strongo, have bronze hair, startling 'liquid topaz eyes' for no reason, and be soooooo handsome.

Voldemort will change his name to Hotty McCoy (You have to admit, Tom really is a common name), and look the way he did before he made his horcruxes.

And after 7 agonizingly long books (where the only time Harry is mentioned is when he is one of the students lusting over Felcity, totally defeating the purpose of the series name), Felicity chooses Brock, even though it was painfully obvious at the beginning.

But then Felicity gets pregnant and the baby is cursed by Grindiwald (Can't remember his name) who secretly loves Felicity who nearly kills her but she miraculously uses all he perfect powers to make her baby safe again.

And when there is about to be a war between two Dumbledo-I mean Brock and Grindiwald because they both love with Felicity. While Hotty McCoy keeps Felicity in a tower, she kisses him, even though she's married and loves Brock.

Anyway, the fight ended up with a deal. Brock keeps Felicity and Grindiwald (who soon changes his name to Jonathon Ravish) keeps his and Felicity's baby because he was in love with the two day year old ever snce he laid eyes on he three minutes ago.

And after a LOT of talking, they part ways with gifts and saying they'll be friends forever.

Then Felicity and Brock lives happily ever after while Hotty is in a deep make out session with Hermione (only because SM didn't want him to be left out), who soon changed her name to Lucianna Crystella.

And that, my friends, is what would have been written if SM wrote the Harry Potter books.

This part was inspired by IzzyOzera :
The reason for that was that SM writes about sparkly beings and being with the is because she was in love with her glitter glue her entire life. Unfortunately, it chose the card board paper over her (and her trollish ways), and she wrote in her books that the hot guys sparkled and that her self-insert Mary Sue-I mean main character always got the glittery guy. Like in her wet dreams...

Pfft, full of win!
And I think my brain is hurting from all the laughter as I imagined Voldemort being called "Hottie McCoy."

Team Hottie!!

Nuh uh! TEAM BROCK FTW!

I AM TEAM HOTTIE AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME.
*pulls down sleeve to cover new and re-designed "Dark Mark" which is a unicorn frolicking with a snake in a grassy meadow*

Not serious:





CHAPTER ONE: THE BOY WHO LIVED


There once were these two normal people who were completely nice named Mr. and Mrs Dursley. They had a thin, attractive son named Dudley who was a good samaritan. However, I did not take much notice of these people as a baby.

Lord Volturimort, a dark wizard, had ruined my life at this age. He went to my parents and (sob) gave them a WARNING BECAUSE THEY JAYWALKED! He and his band of followers (The-Candy-Eaters) are SO CORRUPT!

While they were at court, a wizard (though I did not know it at the time) named Dumbledore allowed me to live with my aunt and uncle, who showered me with treats and presents. They neglected Dudley and gave me everything. I acted humble and lied that I loved them. THEY WERE SO ANNOYING! I HATED my two spacious rooms with sleep number beds. Isn't that terrible? A sleep number bed! I had no memory of that room, and those numbers confused me. And they got me these video games, BUT THEY DIDN'T BUY ME THE FIFTY-DOLLAR SEQUEL. On the shelf by my video games are Harry Potter (ME) action figures. I know I'm going to be famous one day, since this book is from my perspective and that means something going to happen....



My aunt and uncle are so annoying. So now you understand my trully awful living conditions.



I just wish some scintillating vampire-ess would take me away, through the clouds, away from this place......





But plagiarizing Twilight is against the law.

^Lol, you should continue with your story!

CHAPTER TWO:THE VANISHING GLASS

Ten DAYS (you heard me-DAYS) had passed since the lawsuit started, and it was Dudley's birthday. Time to celebrate! My aunt and uncle gave me some gifts for being forced to deal with Dudley.

"Now hear me, my boy," Vernon told me before we got in the car, "You are my angel child. Please try to stay out of trouble! I would hate if something bad happened to you!"

I rolled my eyes, wishing for someone with topaz eyes. "Pierre's coming with though."
Dudley stood silently in the corner and I smirked. He hated me, the evil cockroach, and now I was bringing Pierre to get back at him. Isn't that evil? HE HATES ME. Tears almost nearly halfway came to my eyes when I discovered this, until I remembered that since this is my story I get revenge on whoever hates me and they are labeled by the fangirls as "baddies."

But enough of this injustice of which I describe to you.

We drove in the car, and me and Vernon had an interesting conversation about the human bone system. Dudley asked us what the bones were, and I, so kind and smart, named all of them for him:head bone, neck bone, shoulder bone, arm bone, hand bone, finger bone, tummy bone, leg bone, and foot bone.

"Surely you are forgetting," Dudley replied, "The cranium, maxilla, mandible, mental protuberance, parietal lobe, occipital lobe-"

"Hush up, no one asked you," I snapped.
"Thank your kind brother for helping you with the bones!" Vernon commanded Dudley.
Dudley felt chagrin as he said thank you. Pierre laughed. Oh the chagrin!


We ended up at the zoo. I felt sort of chagrin-ish, but happy too. I gobbled down my chocolate ice cream. The table was cold and hard like granite.

As we were in the reptile house, we moved over to the cage of this huge snake that was slimy and scaly, curling itself slowly around a log. I tripped and hit the glass, falling forward and then backwards. CHAGRIN! The floor was cold and hard like granite.
Pierre helped me up, when I realized that the snake and I were alike-so alone, so trapped, so shunned! FIFTY PRESENTS WAS ALL I GOT ON MY UN-BIRTHDAYS. I had to help the snake.......
The snake winked.
"Don't wink at me." I commanded.
The snake recoiled. "I'll help you." Suddenly, the glass disappeared and the snake slid out.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK! SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!" I screeched, stomping on it and tossing it back into the cage. I made the glass reappear.

"BAD DUDLEY!" Cried Vernon and Petunia.

^^^THat's hilarious!!!!

Heres my plot line:

Book One: Harry Potter finds out he's a wizard. He is the most popular kid in school and everyone loves him. HE uses his wizard powers to kill VOldemort and then brings back his parents.

Book Two: Harry falls in love with Cho Chang, and they go to la la land

Book THree: Harry Potter stays in La la land

Book Four: Still in La la land

Book Five: Harry meeets Ginny while CHo is on vacation. HArry has an affair with GInny and cho finds them. He must chose and he choses Cho

Book SIx: Back to La la land

BOok Seven: THey get married and have a baby and name her Gino (companation of CHo and Ginny)

THE END

NO more characters are introduces

AHAHAHA u guys are hilarious!

Chapter three: The letters from someone


"Get the mail, Dudley."
"I'm sorry uncle! I'm busy mixing your coffee, baking your pancakes, watering the flowerpot, and balancing that glass plate simultaneously for you!"

"ARE YOU BACKTALKING ME?!"


Dudley was so lazy I had to get the mail. While digging through the pile, I found a letter addressed to me. "Ugh, this is probably from Mikella, the attractive kind girl who saved my life last summer. She's just like a labrador retriever!" I threw the note into the fire.


The next day, I got another letter. I groaned again. Why is my life so terrible? I threw the letter into the fire.

The next day, we went on a beach vacation to a private island for my birthday. I was showered with SIX HUNDRED GIFTS. They were so mean! I told them, you don't need to buy gifts. AND THEY BOUGHT ME THE MOST EXPENSIVE THINGS THAT I WAS BEGGING THEM FOR. I cut myself on the wrapping paper. Then, the man appeared.

Chapter Four-Keeper of the Keys

Hadgridsper, a glittering vampire, twenty years old and handsome, appeared. "OH NO! BLOOD!"
I remembered Twilight and threw myself into a random desk that appeared.

"Why hello, I'm Hagridsper and I'm here to take you to Swanfeathers School of Glittering Magic."
"Ugh."
"You're a magical sparkle-wizard, Harry."
"Ugh, can I just get back to whining about my terrible life?"
"You sure? Swanfeathers is a magical palace....delicious food.....kind people.....sparkling vampires...."
"SPARKLING VAMPIRES?! SEE YOU MUCH LATER GUYS!" I shouted, taking my presents and leaving with Hagridsper.

Chapter Five: Diagon Alley Mall

I walked with Hagridsper to the Diagon Alley Mall, the hippest place in town. Amazing shirts hung on the racks, and I just COULDN'T stop myself from telling Hagridsper he MUST buy them for me.

Hagrdisper flicked his tousled brown hair and took everything I wanted, paying the cashier.


Next, we went to the wand shop. Mr. Ollivanders, who also looked rather young and dashing, came up to me. "Well, let's get you a wand." He smiled.

I approached the counter, and suddenly Ollivander cried:

"Why, Harry, you are special! You have the super amazing power that no one is really should have since it is against all the laws of this novel and doesn't really make any sense! Vampires can't read your mind!"

"Really? I knew I was a special, unique snowflake!"

The wand I got was made from wood and sparkles.


Hagridsper beamed his jovial grin as I exited and showed me the Magic Sparkle Owl he got just for me, because he knew I had The Special Power That Defied All The Rules Of The Novel But I Had Anyway To Patch A Plot Hole (TSPTDATROTNBIHATPAPH) and needed to get me something really special.

woofbark I know I am too late to comment but if you still writing on this forum then please continue with the story!! you are just mindblowing :D This is the best stuff on this site!

^^ I agree! lol xD that was a win!

All of the stories were hilarious! lol

Hogwarts will be a private magic school for rich and cool young wizards (yes, Weasleys doesn't count). The story is about Voldemort, the most cutest boy on Hogwarts and his overrated girlfriend Hermione Granger. Although everyone thinks Voldemort is cute, but they rather choose Hermione, because Hermione is smarter than Voldemort and she's always dating every boys on Hogwarts. Harry Potter is Voldemort's cocky, self-absorbed cousin who only cares about himself. Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall is Voldemort's parents, who owns a really really beautiful mansion called Gringotts and a private jet named Hagrid.

Well, that's my imagination. That's kind of insane but I can't think a better story :)

It would be much more romancey (sex in the commen rooms perhaps o.0)

The villains would be less complex and villainous

The good guys would be painfuly beautiful... Flawless in fact

The bad guys would be ugly

Hermione'd get pregnant


Sanguini would sparkle

Name of the book: Twikling Stars

Book Cover: Picture of a parrot terying to eat RED chilly

Book 1: (Hermione's perspective)

I am Hermione Granger. But I do not like to use my whole name. I do not many things, this is just one of them. I like people to call me Hemma. My life is so very sad. I have perfectly happy parents which just sucks. I have perfectly perfect hair which is so aweful that I can cry over it! I have perfect white teeth (which has nothing to do with the story but still I want to tell you). I have a perfect, soft, dream-giving double-bed in my room but I dont like to sleep on it becuase no one is yet watching me sleep. Last Thursday when I was watching Oprah on my perfect TV set I got call from Hogwartzzz. It is a school in some perfect rainy town. Dont ask me exactly where becuase my geography sucks; but I can tell you I am a perfect 10 in my class.
I cook a lot. I cook perfect, aromatic, healthy, energy-giving, tasty food. I have my own vehicle to go to high school so you can see how badly my life sucks. Couldnt I have any happiness in the world?
I have no hopes from Hogwartzzz either.

Today is my first day at the school. Its raining perfect rain outside. I came to this rainy town in a volvo. So sad is my life. I am perfectly anxious to go to this school. What if I am not the centre of attention there? See how genuine, perfect yet different than the whole world my worries are! I think I will cook some perfect, delicious, awesome food now. Ahh my life just sucks.

The moment I entered Hogwarts in my volvo every boy started asking me out. I gave my number to 23 boys and 2 girls (just in case). Thank God I never crave for attention. A perfectly good-looking boy named Draco asked me for dinner. I do not know if I will say yes. Such is the trauma of my life. Why his name couldnt be something unsual like Derek? I entered the class an everyone gasped at my beauty. Our teacher the perfect, handsome, dashing Sammy Snape was teaching MAGIC..the magic of love! We were gonna read Romeo and Juliet :) I am a perfectly non-romantic person. I hope to find my love by the time I am 18, I wish to forget the whole world for him, I want flowers, expensive gifts I can keep everyday, I want someone who looks like a Greek God. So you see, I am a practical, sane person who doesnt believe in romance.

I drifted slowly towards the desk. Becasue I am clumsy. The boys were gazing at me non-stop. Some girls were busy taking down notes. I think they were jealous of me. Why am I so unpopular that two girls in a class of 50 students would not look at me?

I walked towards first row of benched. I climbed towards to second row. I glided towards the third row of benches. I did all this perfectly. And then..I saw Him!!

-------------------------****------------­---­---­---­---­---­---­---­---­-
Preview of next chapter: Hemma will meet the perfect, beautiful, angel-like, Greek God's look alike, marble chested, brown eyed sexy handsome boy named Harrison.

^^ NO NOT SANGUINI! NOOOO! lol O____o to the common room suggestion

lol seeker6

@SerialFangirl

Hahaha!! Very nice

Reading all of these and ROFLing xD