The Secrets We Keep- Chapter Two
Blair walked through the apartment that she used to call Home and it brought back all the memories that she had been trying to repress for so long. She made her way upstairs with Serena and stopped in her bedroom.
“Are Du excited to be staying here again, Blair?”
Blair ran her hand over the wood schreibtisch in her room and a smile came over her face. “At first I didn’t think I was going to be happy staying here again but I find it oddly comforting. This is my true Home and I’m happy that I’m back.”
She went over to the bett in the middle of the room and a true grin spread across her entire face.
Serena sat down on the bett Weiter to her. “What are Du thinking about right now?”
“I don’t think Du want to know, S.”
“Okay, but remember that Du asked for this.” Serena nodded and she continued, “I was just thinking about how many times Chuck and I made Liebe on this bed.” She knew Serena was going to be disgusted Von this. Her reaction surprised her.
She laughed instead. “There was a time that I would have been grossed out Von hearing that but not anymore. I wasn’t lying Blair, when I sagte that Chuck and I had become close. He’s my brother and I Liebe him.”
Blair reached out to her and grabbed her hand. “He’s lucky to have you, Serena. I’m glad that the two of Du became close after I left, even though it still seems a little strange. If there’s one thing that Chuck has always needed, it’s his family.”
“You’re still not over him after all of this time, are you?”
“A part of me will always Liebe Chuck. There are times when I miss him so much that I think it’s unbearable to even go on with my life without him in it. I know that we hurt each other a lot but I really did Liebe him with my complete herz and soul. There’s never been anybody that measured up to him.”
Serena looked at her in amazement and threw a comforting arm around her shoulder. “Oh, B. I never knew that your feelings for him were that strong. I thought it was Mehr along the lines of just teenage infatuation.”
Blair moved away from Serena and went to stand against the Wand while she remembered back to the past. “That’s the problem; no one understands how much I did Liebe him. I know that Chuck doesn’t. No one has ever bothered to ask me how I felt, everything one just thinks that I’m this strong woman but I have never fully got over Chuck bass and I never will. I’ve just buried the feelings underneath this exterior of mine. But none of that matters because Chuck hates me now.”
Serena walked up behind her and gently laid a hand on her back. “Blair, I want to tell Du one thing. No matter how Chuck acts to Du don’t think he hates you. He has a lot of pain and anger buried because of what Du did and how Du left him but he’s not capable of hating you. He still cares about Du and you’re probably the one person in the world that he could never hate. You’re the person that has always been able to get through to him and you’re going to have to do that again. Du have to tell him why Du left and maybe then he will be able to understand why Du did what Du did.”
She shook her head quickly. “I do have to tell him why I left, but it’s not going to change anything. He’s going to be furious when he finds out what I have been hiding from him and everybody else. But if it’s any consolation, the Tag that I left New York, you, and him behind, I completely fell apart. I think I laid in bett for weeks afterwards.”
“I have to ask Blair, but I will understand if Du don’t tell me. Why did Du leave?”
Blair looked directly into her face while answering, “I have to tell Chuck first, he deserves that much from me at least. But Du will be finding out shortly because I’m planning on telling him tonight.”
Serena hugged Blair tightly. “I don’t know what happened to Du four years Vor Blair, but just know that I’m always going to be here for Du no matter what.” Blair returned the hug and felt like never letting go. “Blair, are Du still engaged to Ben?”
“Of course I am. Why would Du even ask me that?”
“Well, the way Du were just talking about Chuck I just figured that maybe Du realized things wouldn’t work out between Du and Ben.”
She shook her head adamantly. “Ben is my future and Chuck is my past. That’s just the way things are now.”
“Do Du Liebe him, Blair?”
She didn’t need to ask who Serena was referring too. “I Liebe Ben but I’m not sure if it’s as Mehr of a friend oder the way I’m supposed to Liebe a man.” Blair broke down and finally admitted, “I’m never going to Liebe anyone the way that I loved Chuck. That’s just impossible.”
“Maybe the two of Du can work it out.”
“No, that can never happen especially after I tell him why I left in the first place.”
Serena knew that she wanted to change the subject, so that’s what she decided to do. “I was going to wait and tell Du later Blair, but I’m just so excited that you’re back and I can’t help myself. I confirmed it right after the gala last week and I’ve been so excited to tell you. I’m pregnant again.”
Blair’s mouth dropped open but she quickly closed it. “Serena! Congratulations!” She threw herself into her best friend’s arms.” She was happy for Serena but in a way she was almost jealous. This is what should have happened to her. She had always wanted to get married, have a career, and be a mother at a young age. So far the only thing that happened was her career.
Serena was beaming. “Nate is so excited and we have yet to tell Patrick. He’s not going to like sharing the attention we give him with either his brother oder sister.”
“Serena, I am so happy for you. Du have everything you’ve ever wanted and that’s wonderful.”
“Thanks, Blair. I always thought I would wind up with Dan but I can’t argue that I Liebe my life with Nate and our son.”
Blair chuckled. “Don’t forget the little one on the way. But seriously S, Du know that being with Nate is much better than Dan. I am really happy for you.”
Serena picked her geldbörse up from the bett and walked to the door. “I guess I’ll see Du later.”
“Wait, S. I actually was planning on having abendessen here tonight. Dorota’s coming back with my mother and Ben. Well Eleanor is not going to be coming yet since she still has some business to attend to but Ben will be here. I wanted Du to come and bring Nate along with you.”
“I wouldn’t miss any of that, Blair. I want to meet this Ben of yours.”
Blair placed a hand over the door when she saw that Serena was about to leave again. “That’s not all. I want Du to bring Chuck with Du too.”
“Chuck?” She asked in shock.
“Yes, convince him because I know he’s not going to want to come. But you’re his sister and he’ll do it for you. I’m going to be back here for good and I don’t want things to get any Mehr awkward between us then they are right now. Plus, I want to tell him the reason that I left after abendessen tonight.”
Serena consented. “Alright, I’ll get him to come with Nate and I. And after Du tell him the true reason that Du left him and New York, don’t forget that I will be here for Du if Du need me. I’m always going to be here, Blair.”
“Thanks, Serena. That really means a lot to me.”
She watched as Serena left and she thought that she would probably be taking Serena up on her offer later in the night.
Ben arrived a few hours before the scheduled abendessen time and Blair rushed over to give him a kiss. “Hi, sweetie. How was your flight?”
“Tiring.” He answered on a groan. “I’m looking vorwärts-, nach vorn to relaxing for a little while before Eleanor comes down here Weiter week. It’s going to be nice to have some time off.” He loosed the knot of his tie as he spoke.
“Do Du have the materials with you?”
He nodded. “Yes, are Du going to be working on making the collection this week?”
“Yes, I will be. I want to throw myself back into work.” Blair turned very serious for a moment. “Did Du bring her with you? I’ve really missed her the last week.”
Ben sighed. “Yes, she’s here. Actually, she’s with Dorota right now.”
Blair nodded her consent. “That’s good. I’m going to go see her.” She started to walk towards her bedroom before she remembered what she had to tell him. “I wouldn’t get too comfortable if I were you. I invited Serena, Nate, and Chuck over for abendessen tonight.”
He gave her a look of disbelief. “Nate and Chuck? Why are Du inviting your former Liebhaber over here?”
“What is wrong with inviting some Friends over? Well, Chuck is still hostile towards me and I want to tell him the truth tonight but I would like for us to get back to the friendship zone too. And Du could hardly call Nate a lover of mine; I think we slept together a total of three times.”
“Alright, how many times have Du slept with Chuck?”
A smirk came to her lips. “I’ve Lost count but it was a hell of a lot Mehr than three times. And it’s Mehr than Du and I have ever slept together.”
Blair trotted up the stairs as she left Ben speechless with her proclamation.
Once she was upstairs, she put on a jade green dress that brought out the color of her eyes and looped a gürtel around her waist. Of course she had to pair some Jimmy Choo heels along with the dress and she left her hair loose to cascade around her shoulders. She applied minimal makeup to her face; she didn’t want to look like she had tried too hard.
As she was walking down the stairs, the doorbell rang. Blair took a deep breath before walking slowly over to the door. This was it. Once the door was opened, she was face to face with the three of them. Serena looked excited, Nate anxious, and Chuck looked like he would rather be anywhere than here.
A true smile came over her face. “Thanks for coming. Come on in.”
Blair hugged both Serena and Nate. Chuck stood right in front of her. “Chuck.” She sagte warily.
“Blair.” He sneered, his voice full of contempt.
She knew this was going to be a hard night just Von the tone of Chuck’s voice. She needed for Chuck to not be so hostile towards her, so she tried again. Blair wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug.
As soon as her arms were around him, Chuck felt the familiar tug of desire that had failed to go away after even four years. He wanted nothing Mehr to hug her back but he couldn’t. His anger towards her hadn’t faded in the last couple of years, and if anything, seeing her again just reignited it. But he would admit only to himself, that she had grown even Mehr beautiful since that last time he had seen her which shouldn’t even be possible. He still wanted her but he would never have her again after everything that she had done to him.
He stepped out of the kreis of her arms without returning her hug. He noticed the expression on her face and she looked devastated that he had rebuffed her. The guilt swarmed through his body, she had always had this effect on him and he knew that would never change. He brought a hand up to a loose lock of her hair and touched it, the silkiness of her hair caressing his fingers. “Your hair is lighter.”
Blair brought her hand up to the lock that he was touching and her hand accidently touched his. The electricity sizzled between them when they had touched, and both of them dropped their hands instantly. “I lightened it a few years ago. Does it look bad?” She sagte as she looked critically at her hair, which was now a light brown shade that had some Gold highlights mixed in with it.
“No.” Chuck whispered. “I like it.” A smirk came over his face. “I always liked when Du wore your hair down and I still remember those damn headbands of yours that Du used to wear.”
She laughed. “Well, I think I’ve grown out of the headband stage now.”
Chuck laughed with her but stopped immediately when he realized that she was working past his defenses again. He composed his mouth into a grim line and moved away from her and went to Mitmachen Nate and Serena. She wasn’t going to do this to him again, he promised himself that. He only hoped that he would be able to keep his promise.
Blair sighed in defeat. They had been getting somewhere. She walked over to Mitmachen Serena and Nate, who were exchanging a glance with each other. She led them into the living room and Serena squealed when she saw what was there.
Serena walked up to the dress forms. “Are these some of your designs, Blair?”
Blair chuckled as she Nate and Chuck took a sitz on the couch. She went over to Mitmachen Serena. “They are. I have to begin working on my collection now that I’m here.”
Serena fingered a particular silk rosa chiffon dress. “Wow, this is gorgeous.”
“Thanks, Serena. I’m going to be making a lot of clothes for this collection and some of them are not going to work, so whatever I decide that shouldn’t be in the collection, I will be giving to you.”
Serena smiled and threw her arms around Blair. “Blair!”
“You’ve done really well for yourself, Blair.” Nate Kommentiert from the couch.
She threw him a grateful glance. “Thank you. When I left, I really didn’t know what I was going to with my life but it just seemed natural to Mitmachen in with my mother’s company. And it’s amazing that I did because I just seem to have a natural talent for it. France is one of the fashion capitals in the world and it was a great place to start my career but I really have missed it here in New York. This is my home.”
“It didn’t seem to me that Du missed New York too much when no one has seen Du in the last four years.” Chuck sagte harshly, a drink already in his hand.
Her eyes caught his and she held his gaze. She was determined not to have a fight with him tonight. “It may have not seemed like it, but I’ve missed it here Mehr than Du can ever imagine.”
Chuck let out a snort of disbelief.
Blair decided to ignore him since it was his every intention to make this night as miserable as possible for her. Everyone was silent for a few Minuten until Serena asked, “Where’s Ben?”
“Oh, he’ll be down in a little bit. He’s just changing.”
“I can’t wait to meet him, Blair.”
Blair was just about to respond when her cell phone started ringing. She glanced at the caller i.d. She motioned to the phone. “It’ my mother, she probably has some fashion emergency for me. I’ll be right back.” She moved into the hallway.
As soon as Blair was out of sight, Serena rounded on Chuck. “Can’t Du just try and have a good time without having it out with her?”
Chuck gaped back at her. “After everything that she has done to me and she doesn’t even have the decency to tell me why she left in the first place. I’m sorry Serena, but I am not going to KISS her arsch and act like what happened didn’t.”
Serena placed an arm on his shoulder. “Chuck, we know that Du still care about her. Maybe somehow Du can make it work.”
“I have no feelings whatsoever for Blair anymore.” He said, but even as he spoke the words he knew that it was a lie.
Serena gave him a pitying look. “We know better than that, Chuck.”
“Think whatever Du want.”
He stormed over to the liquor cabinet and poured himself another drink. Serena laid her hand on Nate’s shoulder in defeat while he placed a soft KISS in her hair. “Everything will be okay, Serena. Don’t worry about anything.” He sagte reassuringly, but Serena knew that Nate was wrong. Nothing would ever be alright as long as the other two were around each other.
abendessen passed smoothly. Everyone got to meet Ben. The abendessen was not awkward oder tense in the least probably because Chuck spoke to no one. Blair and Serena chatted, while Nate and Ben got to know each other, but Chuck just stared moodily into his plate the whole time.
Things started to get a little dicier when they moved into the study for after abendessen cocktails.
Blair sat on a sofa in between Ben and Nate while Serena and Chuck took the other one right across from them. It didn’t help that Chuck kept throwing her looks of disgust and all she wanted to do was make him like her enough again so that they could have a friendship. Although in a part of her mind, she knew that they could never go back to just being Friends again. There was too much history and not to mention the chemistry that was still there.
Blair smiled at Serena. “Congratulations again, Serena. And not to mention Du too Nate, oder should I call Du daddy?”
Nate beamed and she laughed along with him while Chuck looked at Serena. “Is that true, Serena?”
Serena nodded with restrained excitement. “It is, Chuck. I’m pregnant again.” Chuck laughed with joy and hauled Serena against him in a bone crushing hug.
She laughed with him as she returned Chuck’s hug. He placed a soft KISS on the oben, nach oben of her head. “I’m so happy for you, Serena. I can’t wait to be an uncle again. I’m going to spoil this one as much as Patrick.” Chuck turned to Nate. “Congratulations, man. You’ve done your job well.”
Blair watched the scene unfold and she felt close to tears. Chuck felt her gaze on him and he growled, “What?”
Blair smiled. “I’m just really happy that the two of Du became so close. Du really have always needed each other and nothing makes me happier to see that the two of Du have become a real family.”
“Is that so, Blair?” Chuck sagte her name with as much contempt as he could put behind it.
Her smile vanished and Ben finally spoke up and asked, “Why are Du so angry at Blair? What has she ever done to you?”
Dread went through her at Ben’s words because she knew how Chuck was going to react. She placed a hand on his thigh. “Ben, don’t.”
“That’s right; Blair would never want Du to know something about me that I’m sure she’s failed to tell you.”
She gloated in his direction. “Chuck, I told him about our past relationship.”
Chuck looked shocked for a moment but continued on, “Yeah right.”
Ben started at Chuck with disdain. “She has. I know all about the night of the limo, and how Du and Blair were sneaking around behind Nate’s back.”
Chuck’s mouth basically dropped open. “You told him, Blair?”
She smoothed a hand down her dress and looked him right in the eyes. “I did, Chuck. Obviously Du don’t know me as well as Du used to. I’ve changed.”
He sagte nothing, but he continued to stare back at her with unabashed speechlessness.
A quick smile came over her face, and she heard Serena ask, “What are Du thinking about, Blair?”
A chuckle escaped from her mouth. “I was actually just remembering the time that we were in my bedroom and we were about to have sex but then Nate dropped Von to ask me to the cotillion. Do Du remember that?”
His eyes widened. “Of course I remember that, Blair. One of the best days of my life.” He added sarcastically.
Her smiled didn’t waver. “Well until that point, everything was going pretty well in our relationship wasn’t it?”
Just as Chuck was about to answer, Ben interrupted, “I don’t think Du should be talking about the times that Du and Chuck had sex, Blair. It’s very childish.”
Blair and Chuck both ignored him because to them, they were the only two people in the room now.
Chuck answered her question. “Yeah, everything between us was amazing for a while Blair, until Du decided to fuck me over.”
She gasped, “How did I fuck Du over?”
He couldn’t hold back his feelings anymore; he had to let her know how he felt. “You left! I still can’t believe Du did that and Du claimed to care about me.” Both of them stood up and met in the center of the room. He shouted in her face. “You told me Du loved me and now I know that was a fucking lie!”
Blair poked him in the chest with a finger. “Don’t act like I didn’t Liebe you, Chuck. Because I did, I loved Du with my entire herz and soul.”
She shook her head in dismay. “Some of the things that happened between us were not my fault. Du were the one that could never tell me how Du felt about me. Remember what happened in Tuscany and at the white party? Was that my fault too? Du could never say those three words to me but I did say them to you.”
Everyone else ceased to exist around them but each other. Chuck moved his face closer to hers. “You knew how I felt about you.”
“No, I didn’t. Du never told me.”
“Actions speak louder than words sometimes, Blair! I risked everything for you, and I fucked up my friendship with Nate for you. How clearer could it have been?”
Chuck was panting in her face and she couldn’t take her eyes off of him. The heat combusted between them and exploded. “I think we need to finish this conversation in private, Chuck.”
She motioned to her bedroom and Chuck followed her, leaving Nate, Serena, and Ben gaping after them.
As soon as she had entered her bedroom, she rounded on Chuck. “Why do Du keep doing this to me?”
“Doing what?” He asked on a gasp of air, he was busy staring at her cleavage that was threatening to burst out of her dress.
A tear slid down her cheek. “This! Du keep insisting that I never loved you, Chuck.” Her hand moved up to his cheek. “I loved Du Chuck and a part of me always will. Du are the only person that I know that could ever understand me the way that Du do.”
His breath came faster as her hand caressed her cheek. “Do Du have any feelings for me, Chuck?”
“No, Du killed them the Tag that Du left me.”
She snatched her hand away from his and turned away from him. The tears continued to pour down her face.
“I mean obviously I still wish that I could fuck Du one Mehr time.” He sagte cruelly and the pain coursed through her body. “The Tag that Du left, was the Tag that Du broke me Blair. I can never have feelings for Du after what Du did to me.”
She turned around to face him. “I understand, Chuck. I don’t blame Du for being angry at me but I hope that one Tag Du will realize that, I will always Liebe Du no matter what. It doesn’t matter if Du hate me, because my feelings are never going to go away. I hope that Du can find happiness one day.” She turned to leave but he grasped her around the waist and leaned his forehead against hers.
“Blair.” He breathed against her and it just felt so good to have her in his arms again. “You know that what I just sagte was pure shit. I could never hate Du and Du are the only woman that I have ever had feelings for. That’s never going to go away but I’m never going to be able to forgive Du for what you’ve done to me. Just tell me why Du left. If I know then maybe in time, we can get back to a comfortable place and try to be civil to each other. That’s not going to happen until I know what made Du leave.”
“Okay.” She whispered. “I’ll tell Du the reason that I left.”
Blair took a deep breath before beginning to tell Chuck the secret that she had been keeping and she knew that he was going to despise her after what she had admitted.
To Be Continued.
A/N: OMG! Please don’t throw anything at me for ending the chapter right there! I know, I know, but I do promise that Blair’s secret will be revealed in the Weiter chapter. I didn’t think that I was going to get this chapter up but last night the inspiration came to me and here it is. Make me Tag and leave me some feedback. Sorry for that cliffhanger. Until Weiter time. :D