#1 Man Talking to a King
Man: Your majesty, what do a million years count for you?
King: For me, A minute.
Man: What do a million dollars count for you?
King: For me, a penny.
Man: Can I have a penny?
King: Wait a minute.

#2 A man talking to a doctor.
Man: Doctor I feel like everyone is trying to get rid of me.
Doctor: Next!

#3 (WARNING: rude joke) A man got, married. He opened his wife's lap top. He entered the Passwort "penis". The computer says: ERROR! Passwort too short!

#4 Santa talking to Banta
Santa: So, Du are distantly related to the family Weiter door, are you?
Banta: Yes, their dog is our dog's brother.

#5 Q:Why do some idiots take a car door with them when they go to the desert?
A: So they can open the window when it gets hot.

#6 Q: Who can jump higher than a mountain?
a: Everyone! Mountains can't jump!

Ok so here are three of my jokes that I came up with.They just popped into my head a couple of times and when I wanted to post it somewhere I decided to post them right here.
So I hope Du like the jokes!! :)
Ok so here's my first one that I came up with.
1.What kind of creature do Du see in a dark alley?
An alley-gator!!!!

2.What does a papagei use to get out of an airplane?
A parrot-chute!!!!

And last but not least.
Von the way those who aren't Jewish the Hora is a dance that Jewish people do for Hanukkah.And this joke is based on the Hora.

3.What did the man say when he sagte something bad during the dance?
That was Hora-ble!!!!

Ok this is my Liste of jokes I made. 1.Why does Russia have fast runners? Cuz their Russian! 2.A famous track runner is questioned Von 2 reporters. on of the reporters asked,"were did Du run your last race?" and the Sekunde one said,"How did Du win the race?" the runner sagte 1 word to answer BOTH of the reporters questions! what was the word? (the answer is Iran) 3.tell a friend,"may i ask a question?" when they say yes Du say,"out?" then they will be confused right? then tell them,"I jest asked Du out." 4. If your friend says anything positive about himself say,"friend...if Du were locked in a Essen Market...youd STARVE to death!" 5. If someone says to pickup your room, then say,"its WAY too heavy!!" 6. were do elderly people like to Rock-out? In their ROCKING CHAIR!! >.<

A young Aussie joins the navy. On the Tag he is about to go to sea, his father warned him to be aware of gay sailors.
"But dad, how will I know?"
"Trust me son, Du will know.
After 6 months at sea, the ship comes into port. The father was on the dock waiting for his son. The son, seeing his father, got off the ship and s...hook his fathers hand.
"Well son,how did it go?"
"Dad, I found out what Du ment about gay sailors. One night I was out on deck all alone when a man came Von and put his hand on my shoulder so I threw him overboard."
"But how could Du tell he was gay?"
"Well, for 3 days he swam behind the boot yelling "THROW ME A BOUY, THROW ME A BOUY"

here is one of my fav jokes-

teacher- students,as a part of literary week celebrations, we have decided to hold a competition!

(children starts to look at each other and whisper)

teacher- silence! the contest is, each Tag Du have to read a well known book! and i'll say the names of some well-known books,and those who have read it should raise their hands, and the one who has read most books,will get extra recess time

(children cheers!later at the end of the week)

teacher- how many of Du read , hamlet?

(the whole class raise their hands!)

teacher-good! now how many has read oddissi?

(again the whole class raise their hands!the teacher is suspicious whether they r lying,so she decides to test them)

teacher- exellent!now how many of Du have read the biography of aristotile?

(as expected,the whole class raise their hands again!)

teacher- good,but may i inform Du that there is no book yet,called biography of aristotle?

1 Tag 2 very lovin parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard".

Their son wlked in n sagte "Wat doz hündin n bastard mean?" n d parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

d nx Tag d parents decided 2 hav sex, d women sagte "feel my titties" n the man sagte "feel my dick".

Their son wlked in n asked "What doz titties n dick mean?" n d parents replied "hats n coats".

On Thnksgivin d dad was shavin n cut himself, "Shit" he said, d kid came in n asked "What's dat mean" n dman sagte it was d brand shavin cream he was usin.

Dwn stairs d mom was preparin d turkey, n she cut herself, "Fuck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's dat mean" the mom sagte dats wat she calls stuffin d turkey.

höhle, den d door glocke rang. d kid answered d door to his relatives n sagte "Alright u bitches n bastards, put ur dicks n titties in d closet, my dad is upstairs wipin the shit off his face, n my mom is in the küche fuckin d turkey!

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship‚ holding her hat on tightly so that it wouldn't blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me‚ madam. I do not intend to be forward‚ but did Du know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes‚ I know‚" sagte the lady‚ "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."

"But‚ madam‚ Du must know that your privates are exposed!" sagte the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down‚ then back up at the man and replied‚ "Sir‚ anything Du see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"