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 I'm done with my life.
I'm done with my life.
(Do Du really want to read this without me? Well, if Du want to die that badly, the link is here.)

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7603195/1/Hot-Nights-at-the-Krusty-Krab

(Also, there is some profanity in this series, so if Du can't take cussing, oder disgusting sex in these god-awful Fan fictions, please leave now.)

Du have got to be kidding me. I'm not even joking, Du have GOT to be FREAKING KIDDING ME. How do people come up with this, how do people even THINK that Schreiben A F**KING SQUIDWARD X SPONGEBOB Fan FICTION WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA!?!?

And why is porn done wrong so many times? I mean, ALL Du have to do is at least TRY to make it funny, make no grammar errors, and VOILA! But no, people keep s**ting out crap like this.

Today, I take on what I think is the grossest Fan fiction I've ever seen.

...

NO PLEASE GOD! LET ME LIVE, PLEASE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE, I AM BEGGING YOU, I'M ON MY KNEES, DON'T DO THIS TO MY FRAGILE SOUL!

*Sigh* Fine, for the sake of doing my job, warning people about bad Fan fictions, I'll review this.

Now, I have to admit something. I had to take a break when Lesen this story, I almost retched, I am serious. Hell, I feel so sick right now....

Another thing, I never actually vomited when Lesen Faker, heck, I felt fine the whole way through, but do Du want to know what I actually had to do?

I had to see the urgent care, I told them about this story and my stomach really hurt.

I'll say that again, A Fan FICTION PHYSICALLY HURT ME, I AM NOT JOKING AT ALL.

And Du know what? This was going to be a special planned collaboration with one of my school friends, but I had to stay home.

And guess what it's rated? M for Mature.
OOOOHHHHH SSSHHHIIITTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh boy, I'm doing it again. I'm sorry guys, I'm stalling, but enough bulls**t, I am ripping apart the most disgusting Fan fiction I've ever seen....

It's time to look at, Hot Nights at the Krusty Krab, Von Cheeze18.

"Spongebob and Squidward were bored."

Only porn Fan fictions can pull off making this sound as intimidating as possible X__O

"They were forced to work there, again, for 24 hours."

Well hey! This guy sort of knows his grammar, and he made a reference to the show!

Unfortunately, those are the only positive things I can say about this shitty short story....

"Spongebob was mopping the green wooden floors, while Squidward was Lesen a purple book, with a secret magazine hidden behind the book."

THE PURPLE BOOK IS A LIE!

Seriously though, we know the magazine is just porn, and he sagte it was behind the purple book, so....

Squidward is Lesen the boring book? NOT EVEN THE PORN ITSELF MAKES SENSE!

"Squidward was horny, with his squid penis hard."

What the hell are these people doing with their lives? They could be finding a beautiful boy/girlfriend, they could be hanging out with friends, they could be getting a job, hanging out with their dog, making YouTube videos, eating, etc.

But of ALL THINGS, his mind decides to go Rule 34 on him and s/he makes a porn Fan fiction.

About fucking Spongebob.

"He was rubbing himself, but he was not staring at the pages."

2 Things.

1: Was not = Wasn't. IT'S Sekunde GRADE DUDE!

2: Again, USE BETTER VOCABULARY! Really? Rubbing himself?

This is the only Fan fiction I know when it doesn't even get the porn right.

Actually, scratch that, FOR THE Liebe OF GOD DON'T USE BETTER VOCABULARY! O_____O

"He was staring at Spongebob."

Oh boy. Oh FUCKING boy....

"For about two months now, he and Spongebob have been in a relationship."

Ruining my childhood right off the bat? Alright, that's already -5,000 points!

This start was even better than Faker! ^___^

"They've kissed, and dry humped, but not sex."

FORESHADOWING. O_______O

"Yet. Squidward wanted to, so bad."

1. Why does the word yet have a period after it?

2. Can Du please STOP DESTROYING MY SOUL!? >.<

"He felt like he was pressuring Spongebob to do it, but he had no problem."

Yeah, this is every porn Fan fiction in a nutshell.

STEP ONE: Somewhat boring dialogue with some childhood crushing material here and there.

STEP TWO: That one, "OH NO X___X" Moment.

STEP THREE: Sex. -___-

"Spongebob turned around, and showed his square butt."

What the f@%k is this person doing with their life? Does s/he really think they're going to turn anyone on with this S&#T!?

Ugh, I am so sick of this.

"Squidward felt a throb. He was about to cum."

And no comma because WHY NOT? :D

"Panting, he lifted himself up, and watched Spongebob."

It's near impossible to stay neutral while Lesen this, BUT SERIOUSLY, WHAT, WHO, WHERE, WHEN, WHY DID THEY THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA!?!?

Time to bring out my napalm flamethrower. >:(

"He said, Hey Spongebob? Spongebob turned, smiling."

DON'T TRUST THE EVIL SMILE! X___X

"Yes?"

Yep, boring dialogue, quite literally, out the ass.

Yeah, this is why it takes so long to make these episodes, these Fan fictions ARE SO BORING!

I mean, I know Du pretty much HAVE to put in some everyday dialogue BUT CAN Du AT LEAST TRY to be entertaining?

Time to charge the napalm flamethrower. >:(

"Um, I want to do something with you. Is that okay?"

FUCK NO!!! NOT EVEN CENSORING IT, FUCK NO!!!!!!!

"Squidward asked, Spongebob's face was all confused."

That's the reason these are so tiring to read. I read this story TWICE before reviewing this and NOT ONCE did I see any attempts at comedy to make this even remotely interesting to read.

It's like if Du had to read those Harry Potter books.

IN THE FIRST GRADE.

"Like what? That.. sex thing. we have been talking about."

We have = We've. Once again, Sekunde GRADE!!!!!

"Sex? Oh yeah."

OH YEAAAAH, SEX! HOW COULD I FORGET? :D YEAH, THAT THING! I REMEMBER NOW!

Yeah, like Faker, this story is bastardizing innocent characters from my childhood.

Also, strangely enough, bastardizing is a word. o__O
Not even kidding, Google's Auto-Correct just left it like that.

LOL :D

"So?"

"So What?"

"Did you...want to...try it?"

Can Du try... TALKING FASTER? WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO BORING! >.<

On Sekunde thought, for the Liebe of god, STALL STALL STALL. O__O

"What, here?"

"Sure."

ARE Du SURE YOU'RE SURE YOU'RE SURE YOU'RE SURE? ^____^

*Sigh* What the fuck is wrong with these people?

"I don't know..Spongebob looked down at the floor."

"Squidward walked over to the sponge and draped an arm over his shoulders. He smiled."

UHHH......WITH MENTOS FRESHEN UP YOUR LIFE? ^___^

Damn it, unlike Television, commercials can't stop me here.

CURSE Du DINKLEBERG!!!!!

"Why don't we try it? He suggested, slipping a tentacle under south, under Spongebob's pants and grabbing his limp d**k"

ALL NEW SPICY MCGRIDDLE ONLY $3.99! ^___^ ONLY AT MCDONALDS!

Fuck, where are the advertisements when Du need them?

Well if Fanpop won't add them for me, then I will!

And please watch these too. Not only did I find some really funny ones, but LORD KNOWS Du probably need a break too.

Plus, it makes me unique from other reviewers. :D

So yeah, here Du go!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4hlzRNu3uE

AAAAND WE'RE BACK! ^___^

Better aim my napalm flamethrower. >:(

But remember guys, Mentos, the fresh-maker! :D

"He rubbed it to life."

What. The. FUCK!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?

"Spongebob moaned."

(Must...not....spam...advertisements.....)

"Squidward continued to rub at and grab at Spongebob's balls to get him hot."

This is Mehr disturbing then Faker...

Achievement unlocked Cheeze18! CONGRATUFUCKINGLATIONS. >:(

(How do Du like the new running gag? ^__^)

"It dd make him hot, and Spongebob saw Squidward's erection for the first time that night."

ABOUT TO PUSH THE feuer BUTTON ON THE NAPALM FLAMETHROWER! >:(

"He kneeled down and took the light-blue co** n his mouth."

Du know what's a huge shame guys? I just randomly find these. Yeah, I don't type in, "Worst Spongebob Fan Fictions Ever" in Google, I just read the first result on the page.

Again, society fucking sucks nowadays.

"Spongebob sucked and licked and rubbed while he worked at his own hard on."

Same problem Sonic and Tails and Knuckles Go Fishing had, FUCK COMMAS! ^___^

"Spongebob was Mehr hot, though, as he felt his d*** felt up with his seed."

Now the Autor has a comma fetish. JUST FANTASTIC.

"He moaned and went faster. He then took it deep in his mouth and deep throated."

I am praying to god right now that the Autor wasn't aroused when making this. o___O

If he did, then he was successfully been even Mehr of a demented satanic pervert then the Autor of The Pokemon Story.

Two achievements unlocked, YOU'RE ON A WINNING STREAK CHEEZE18! ^__^

"Spongebob conjured up Mehr saliva and sucked faster."

We all know what's about to happen... *Gags*

TrueBlueTeam: Yeah, the white stuff! ^___^

Me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCj8Yzx15BA

(Replace Lazer with napalm flamethrower. :D)

(And according to Google Auto-Correct, Lazer, no matter how Du spell it, isn't a word.)

(Fuck logic.)

"Squidward moaned and held the back of Spongebob's head. His own ejaculate rose back up into the main tube."

Starting to miss when Faker called it white stuff. o-O

"He was gonna cum."

And apparently, Google Auto-Correct thinks gonna is a word.

In the words of TheUncleChairman: Indeed, logic has escaped out the window.

"Squidward held on for his life."

Haha.....AHHAHAHAAHAH!!!! What is this, Mission Impossible, The Sex Edition?

That was the funniest part of this whole Fan fiction. ^__^

Sadly though, it wasn't INTENDED to be a joke, just bad vocabulary.

AW COME ON! :(

"It was gonna be a big one!"

Du have got to be fucking kidding me.

"Even bigger than when he and Spongebob dry humped and rubbed each other's d***s."

Even Mehr bonus points for bastardizing a character as much as possible!

EXTREME FEVER!!!! ^__________^ (You never played Peggle, have you?)

"Squidward scrunched up his face and gritted his teeth."

This is the most awkward sex scene I've ever read in a Fan fiction. I mean, this isn't just sex, this is like a freaking action movie!

Damn, it sounds like the fucking Matrix!

Matrix Script: Neo gritted his teeth as he shot Agent Smith, and with perfect accuracy, the bullet took him down. Agent Smith's scrunched up face haunted Neo forever after that day, as well as the dead bodies of the Sentinels.

WOW, what a coincidence...... o___O

Not even making a conspiracy joke, that was weird....

HOT NIGHTS AT THE KRUSTY KRAB! INCLUDES PORN, 24 Stunde NIGHT SHIFTS, BORING DIALOGUE, AND THE FUCKING MATRIX! ^___^

"His face was becoming beet red."

Again, the dialogue in this story is horrible, they just compared Squidward's face to a beet.

Wow, there's some real clutch vocabulary in here! :D

"Oh...oh..here it comes! he moaned."

Like a one Jahr old without their milch bottle.

"Spongebob went slower, and still suckled."

I'll tell Du one thing, the Autor Cheeze18 can suck on fucking glass.

"He moaned himself, apparently at his own limit. He went at a slow pace and then pulled the d*** out."

Can Du please fucking ejaculate so I can go Home and get some lunch? It's already 4:12, and my Friends are waiting for me! Jeez, the Superbowl doesn't last forever, Du know!

"He took it with one yellow hand..."

NO SHIT SHERLOCK, SPONGEBOB HAS YELLOW HANDS, WE ALL FUCKING KNOW THAT!

This is worse than, *Sonic the hedgehog was a hedgehog.*

"And rubbed, nice and slow. This made Squidward groan and made his body heat up another five oder ten degrees."

Mr. Krabs: DON'T TOUCH ME THERMOSTAT! ^___^

Damn, why did Du have to ruin Spongebob for me, Cheeze18?

Fucking Rule 34.

"He rolled his eyes back as a final stroke set him off. Hot squid spunk shot up into the air, and landed on the yellow recipient's face, on his tongue, in his holes, on his hands, and even that nose of his."

Fuck vocabulary. Just, fuck it.

Actually, knowing Rule 34 there probably already is a porn Fan fiction on the word vocabulary getting fucked.

Again, society. What is wrong with you?

"Spongebob was set off, and he ejaculated all over Squidward's legs, and on the once clean floor."

Can Du believe I have been trying to find bad Fan fictions in general, but the only bad ones I could find were porn?

Think of it, only Cupcakes and Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles go fishing (At least not yet.) Have no porn in them, so what the hell?

I'm now taking suggestions for terrible Fan fictions that aren't porn, HELP ME OUT HERE GUYS. O____O

Can't be that bad right?

Oh no... WHAT HAVE I DONE!?

"He gasped for breath, while panting Squidward's name, excitidly."

Wait... I typed that correct, right? *Checks* Yeah, I did!

So.... Mehr BAD SPELLING NOT FOR THE WIN. >:(

Also, I don't know if I mentioned this yet oder not, but often during these Fan fiction reviews the Fan fictions won't let me copy-paste, which not only makes reviewing this harder, (And painful...) But it make me have to check everything and it's the reason some of my episodes aren't done yet.

It's bad enough Lesen these stories, but it's even worse when I have to type them out on here.

If Du find a bad Fan fiction that isn't porn, make sure Du can copy-paste, PLEASE.

Anyways, I think it's time for another refreshing pause! ^___^

And that means.... COMMERCIAL TIME! :D

link
 HOW THE FUCK DO Du EVEN COME UP WITH THIS!?
HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN COME UP WITH THIS!?
“Okay, that doesn’t look very nice” the doctor said. Jeremy was sitting on the examination table, Alaric was leaning onto the closet. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to stitch” While she prepared her stitching material she talked to her patient. “So, how did this happen? Were Du involved in a fight?” Jeremy looked how she pierced the stitching scissor in his hand. “No, it wasn’t like that. It was an accident” he answered. “I broke a cup, two cups. Cut my hand” The doctor nodded. “Are Du vaccinated for tetanus?” Jeremy looked up at Alaric, who helplessly raised...
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posted by cynder1
ignitus sagte ''well ill leave u to play now'' spyro went over to cynder and wispered ''i promise to my new mate that i only go out with u... mate''then he walked away.ember came up to spyro and said''helo im ember ho r u'' ''im spyro'' ''well spyro i like u wanna be friends'' ''ok... but no mushy stuff'' ''ok'' ''shall i Zeigen u around'' ''id like that'' ''here are the rooms heres the vison pool room and this is the lake'' thanks for Wird angezeigt me around spyro'' ''come over here spyro''cynder sagte suddently ''comin sagte spyro'' ember went over to spyro and cynder and sagte ''hey u girl stay away from my new boy friend'' she said''wat hes already mine'' ''oi ember i just met u iv knon cynder from wen we wer kids and besides i dont like u that way go talk to the other boys'' ''okay'' she sagte glomily she went over to flame who adores her like crazy and sagte ''wassup'' '' oh nothin''
added by EppofangirlXD
Source: FF.Net
Jeremy turned his computer off when his phone rang.
“Hi, Elena. Did Du get the results? It’s not something bad, is it?”
“Jeremy, I need your help” Elena sagte quickly. “I’m not in the hospital anymore”
“What? Why not? Where are you?” Jeremy asked confused.
“I don’t have time to answer that” Elena sagte nervous. “You have to do something for me”
“Okay, what?” Jeremy asked.
“I need Du to go to the cops and ask them what they’ve done with Damon” Elena said.
“What? Elena, I don’t get it” Jeremy said.
“He’s had an accident” Elena explained quickly....
continue reading...
Run, that’s all he could think about. He had to run before she would catch up with him. And as he ran, he felt the aching coming back. His back started burning again, his head bounced and with every step he took it was as if thousand needles stung in his feet. But he had to keep running, for he had to stay ahead of her.
A few yards further he heard two voices argue. He recognized the voices. He wouldn’t count on the male one, but the girl would listen to him, she would understand, help him.
“Elena, wait!” Stefan yelled. After his proposal she had jumped out of the car and ran away.
“I...
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Bonnie put her hand on the latch and pushed it down. She opened the door and watched Jeremy tossing and turning in his bed. She stepped towards the bett and sank down at the end. She saw the tortured expression on Jeremy’s face and wondered what he was dreaming. Her glance slide from his face to his chest going up and down. There she noticed the drops of blood. Jeremy tugged his hemd, shirt as if there was something on his chest that wouldn’t get off. His eyes opened and bulged, but he was still stuck in his dream. He gasped for air, seeming to choke. His hands went up to his throat, his fingers...
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posted by cynder1
Spyro awoke that morning and went to see cynder , when he found her he was suprised to see cynder making a lot of breakfast and sagte 'cynder...did u do this?' 'yes i did' 'why' 'well since i told u last night about...stuff i felt better Von confessing' 'well cynder lets eat our breakfast and go to the lake' 'that would be nice' so they ate their breakfast and went to the lake they were having a great time until somthing lurked in the bushes spying on cynder and spyro but they were Mehr intrested in cynder all of a suden Wölfe and apes jumped out and grabbed cynder and put her in a cage spyro was Weiter but he evaded them and used his electrick breath and forced them into the water they all drowned and spyro saved cynder he sagte ' cynder are u ok!' 'im fine spyro but there must be Mehr evil afoot probably tryin to avenge the dark master and lookin for me as well' then we must be careful'
“Open the door now, Stefan! I need to talk to my sister!”
Stefan opened the door after Jeremy had banged it about twelve times.
“Alright, alright, don’t get all up tied” Stefan sagte as he opened the door, a blood bag in his hand. “Now, what brings Du here? Something about Elena, I assume?”
“I need to talk to her” Jeremy repeated. “And Du know why”
Stefan shrugged. “Why didn’t Du come here last night?”
“Because I knew Elena wasn’t here. I knew she was with Alaric and her friends, I didn’t want to make a scene” Jeremy explained.
“And Du were also chicken that...
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added by Flora_Swift
added by HaleyDewit
Source: homeofthenutty+picnik
added by Dearheart
Source: Dearheart
Meg was standing in front of a modern looking building. She pressed the intercom Weiter to the door.
“Yes?” a female voice answered and Meg recognized it.
“Good evening, …ma’am” Meg said. Politeness was something new to her. “We met this afternoon, outside the temp job office. Du sagte Du might have work for me”
A short silence followed.
“Of course” the woman sagte slowly. “Why don’t Du come in? Just up the stairs” The woman hung up and a buzzing sound was heard. Meg pushed the door open and walked up the white stairs which was right in front of her.
Upstairs the woman...
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Damon and Elena were lying on the bed, Elena’s head resting on Damon’s chest. “I believe we’ve been here before” Elena mumbled.
“Hmm” Damon confirmed. “Do Du remember what Du sagte back then?”
Elena relegated on the bett and closed her eyes. “I sagte I wouldn’t leave you, that I would stay with Du until the very end”
Elena felt a teardrop on her head, but she didn’t look up. “Promise me Du won’t leave now either”
“I promise” Elena whispered and she pinched Damon’s hand. She knew it was a lie. She knew that no matter how much medication she was taking, the...
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Elena, Jeremy and Ric were sitting at the küche tabelle having dinner. Well, Jeremy was eating. Elena was stirring in her Essen and Alaric was looking at her.
“If Du wanted mashed potatoes Du could’ve asked” he said. Elena looked up distracted. “What? No, it’s good. It’s really nice” she said.
“How would Du know?” Alaric asked. “You didn’t eat yet”
“It looks really nice” Elena sagte shrugging.
“If you’re not hungry, that’s fine” Alaric said. “You don’t have to eat. But if there’s something else, I want Du to tell me”
Elena looked down at her plate,...
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posted by invader-badray1
I close the door behind me and saw Gaz and Gir playing together on a video game "hey Gaz" Gaz look at me than back to the tv "hey bad.. Oh yeah the tallest wanted to speak to Du about how things going" I close one eye "um yes I will call him when I get my plans settle to rule this world "yeah whatever" I bite my bottom lip not to yell at her.. So I walk to my base but

When I can I turn around and saw Gir having fun with Gaz on the video game *i never saw Gir that happy like that before* I went down to my base and sitz in a chair and look at all my plans I did but fail Von those dibs worm baby's...
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posted by LuvTesh
2A.M SATURDAY MORNING AT ONE OF HER FIRNEDS' HOUSES

I woke up with the same clothes I had on last night. I felt disoriented for the first couple of Minuten when I awoke, with my head feeling like it was going to explode at any minute. I looked around me to see everybody that attended the party either knocked out, asleep oder dead on the bedroom floor. "Bedroom?" I thought, "What am I doing in the bedroom?" I turned my head to see someones' head facing the opposite direction so I couldn't see the face but I knew it was boy due to the body shape. I noticed that I was on the bett but thankfully my...
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posted by TLH98
The look of love
There he was as bright as the sun,
Giving me the look of Liebe and grabbing my attention.
We fell for one another’s charm as we spent time alone,
Days and weeks past and we were as happy as ever before,
He sagte he loved me and there was nobody else for him.

But there she was as beautiful as ever,
Staring at him from the other side of the room, giving him the look.
He fell for her charm and beauty which I didn’t own,
I saw him slowly slipping away from me and drifting apart,
He sagte he liked her and there was nobody else for him.

They went out every night and spent time alone,
I saw...
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