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 I'm done with my life.
I'm done with my life.
(Do Du really want to read this without me? Well, if Du want to die that badly, the link is here.)

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7603195/1/Hot-Nights-at-the-Krusty-Krab

(Also, there is some profanity in this series, so if Du can't take cussing, oder disgusting sex in these god-awful Fan fictions, please leave now.)

Du have got to be kidding me. I'm not even joking, Du have GOT to be FREAKING KIDDING ME. How do people come up with this, how do people even THINK that Schreiben A F**KING SQUIDWARD X SPONGEBOB Fan FICTION WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA!?!?

And why is porn done wrong so many times? I mean, ALL Du have to do is at least TRY to make it funny, make no grammar errors, and VOILA! But no, people keep s**ting out crap like this.

Today, I take on what I think is the grossest Fan fiction I've ever seen.

...

NO PLEASE GOD! LET ME LIVE, PLEASE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE, I AM BEGGING YOU, I'M ON MY KNEES, DON'T DO THIS TO MY FRAGILE SOUL!

*Sigh* Fine, for the sake of doing my job, warning people about bad Fan fictions, I'll review this.

Now, I have to admit something. I had to take a break when Lesen this story, I almost retched, I am serious. Hell, I feel so sick right now....

Another thing, I never actually vomited when Lesen Faker, heck, I felt fine the whole way through, but do Du want to know what I actually had to do?

I had to see the urgent care, I told them about this story and my stomach really hurt.

I'll say that again, A Fan FICTION PHYSICALLY HURT ME, I AM NOT JOKING AT ALL.

And Du know what? This was going to be a special planned collaboration with one of my school friends, but I had to stay home.

And guess what it's rated? M for Mature.
OOOOHHHHH SSSHHHIIITTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh boy, I'm doing it again. I'm sorry guys, I'm stalling, but enough bulls**t, I am ripping apart the most disgusting Fan fiction I've ever seen....

It's time to look at, Hot Nights at the Krusty Krab, Von Cheeze18.

"Spongebob and Squidward were bored."

Only porn Fan fictions can pull off making this sound as intimidating as possible X__O

"They were forced to work there, again, for 24 hours."

Well hey! This guy sort of knows his grammar, and he made a reference to the show!

Unfortunately, those are the only positive things I can say about this shitty short story....

"Spongebob was mopping the green wooden floors, while Squidward was Lesen a purple book, with a secret magazine hidden behind the book."

THE PURPLE BOOK IS A LIE!

Seriously though, we know the magazine is just porn, and he sagte it was behind the purple book, so....

Squidward is Lesen the boring book? NOT EVEN THE PORN ITSELF MAKES SENSE!

"Squidward was horny, with his squid penis hard."

What the hell are these people doing with their lives? They could be finding a beautiful boy/girlfriend, they could be hanging out with friends, they could be getting a job, hanging out with their dog, making YouTube videos, eating, etc.

But of ALL THINGS, his mind decides to go Rule 34 on him and s/he makes a porn Fan fiction.

About fucking Spongebob.

"He was rubbing himself, but he was not staring at the pages."

2 Things.

1: Was not = Wasn't. IT'S Sekunde GRADE DUDE!

2: Again, USE BETTER VOCABULARY! Really? Rubbing himself?

This is the only Fan fiction I know when it doesn't even get the porn right.

Actually, scratch that, FOR THE Liebe OF GOD DON'T USE BETTER VOCABULARY! O_____O

"He was staring at Spongebob."

Oh boy. Oh FUCKING boy....

"For about two months now, he and Spongebob have been in a relationship."

Ruining my childhood right off the bat? Alright, that's already -5,000 points!

This start was even better than Faker! ^___^

"They've kissed, and dry humped, but not sex."

FORESHADOWING. O_______O

"Yet. Squidward wanted to, so bad."

1. Why does the word yet have a period after it?

2. Can Du please STOP DESTROYING MY SOUL!? >.<

"He felt like he was pressuring Spongebob to do it, but he had no problem."

Yeah, this is every porn Fan fiction in a nutshell.

STEP ONE: Somewhat boring dialogue with some childhood crushing material here and there.

STEP TWO: That one, "OH NO X___X" Moment.

STEP THREE: Sex. -___-

"Spongebob turned around, and showed his square butt."

What the f@%k is this person doing with their life? Does s/he really think they're going to turn anyone on with this S&#T!?

Ugh, I am so sick of this.

"Squidward felt a throb. He was about to cum."

And no comma because WHY NOT? :D

"Panting, he lifted himself up, and watched Spongebob."

It's near impossible to stay neutral while Lesen this, BUT SERIOUSLY, WHAT, WHO, WHERE, WHEN, WHY DID THEY THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA!?!?

Time to bring out my napalm flamethrower. >:(

"He said, Hey Spongebob? Spongebob turned, smiling."

DON'T TRUST THE EVIL SMILE! X___X

"Yes?"

Yep, boring dialogue, quite literally, out the ass.

Yeah, this is why it takes so long to make these episodes, these Fan fictions ARE SO BORING!

I mean, I know Du pretty much HAVE to put in some everyday dialogue BUT CAN Du AT LEAST TRY to be entertaining?

Time to charge the napalm flamethrower. >:(

"Um, I want to do something with you. Is that okay?"

FUCK NO!!! NOT EVEN CENSORING IT, FUCK NO!!!!!!!

"Squidward asked, Spongebob's face was all confused."

That's the reason these are so tiring to read. I read this story TWICE before reviewing this and NOT ONCE did I see any attempts at comedy to make this even remotely interesting to read.

It's like if Du had to read those Harry Potter books.

IN THE FIRST GRADE.

"Like what? That.. sex thing. we have been talking about."

We have = We've. Once again, Sekunde GRADE!!!!!

"Sex? Oh yeah."

OH YEAAAAH, SEX! HOW COULD I FORGET? :D YEAH, THAT THING! I REMEMBER NOW!

Yeah, like Faker, this story is bastardizing innocent characters from my childhood.

Also, strangely enough, bastardizing is a word. o__O
Not even kidding, Google's Auto-Correct just left it like that.

LOL :D

"So?"

"So What?"

"Did you...want to...try it?"

Can Du try... TALKING FASTER? WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO BORING! >.<

On Sekunde thought, for the Liebe of god, STALL STALL STALL. O__O

"What, here?"

"Sure."

ARE Du SURE YOU'RE SURE YOU'RE SURE YOU'RE SURE? ^____^

*Sigh* What the fuck is wrong with these people?

"I don't know..Spongebob looked down at the floor."

"Squidward walked over to the sponge and draped an arm over his shoulders. He smiled."

UHHH......WITH MENTOS FRESHEN UP YOUR LIFE? ^___^

Damn it, unlike Television, commercials can't stop me here.

CURSE Du DINKLEBERG!!!!!

"Why don't we try it? He suggested, slipping a tentacle under south, under Spongebob's pants and grabbing his limp d**k"

ALL NEW SPICY MCGRIDDLE ONLY $3.99! ^___^ ONLY AT MCDONALDS!

Fuck, where are the advertisements when Du need them?

Well if Fanpop won't add them for me, then I will!

And please watch these too. Not only did I find some really funny ones, but LORD KNOWS Du probably need a break too.

Plus, it makes me unique from other reviewers. :D

So yeah, here Du go!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4hlzRNu3uE

AAAAND WE'RE BACK! ^___^

Better aim my napalm flamethrower. >:(

But remember guys, Mentos, the fresh-maker! :D

"He rubbed it to life."

What. The. FUCK!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?

"Spongebob moaned."

(Must...not....spam...advertisements.....)

"Squidward continued to rub at and grab at Spongebob's balls to get him hot."

This is Mehr disturbing then Faker...

Achievement unlocked Cheeze18! CONGRATUFUCKINGLATIONS. >:(

(How do Du like the new running gag? ^__^)

"It dd make him hot, and Spongebob saw Squidward's erection for the first time that night."

ABOUT TO PUSH THE feuer BUTTON ON THE NAPALM FLAMETHROWER! >:(

"He kneeled down and took the light-blue co** n his mouth."

Du know what's a huge shame guys? I just randomly find these. Yeah, I don't type in, "Worst Spongebob Fan Fictions Ever" in Google, I just read the first result on the page.

Again, society fucking sucks nowadays.

"Spongebob sucked and licked and rubbed while he worked at his own hard on."

Same problem Sonic and Tails and Knuckles Go Fishing had, FUCK COMMAS! ^___^

"Spongebob was Mehr hot, though, as he felt his d*** felt up with his seed."

Now the Autor has a comma fetish. JUST FANTASTIC.

"He moaned and went faster. He then took it deep in his mouth and deep throated."

I am praying to god right now that the Autor wasn't aroused when making this. o___O

If he did, then he was successfully been even Mehr of a demented satanic pervert then the Autor of The Pokemon Story.

Two achievements unlocked, YOU'RE ON A WINNING STREAK CHEEZE18! ^__^

"Spongebob conjured up Mehr saliva and sucked faster."

We all know what's about to happen... *Gags*

TrueBlueTeam: Yeah, the white stuff! ^___^

Me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCj8Yzx15BA

(Replace Lazer with napalm flamethrower. :D)

(And according to Google Auto-Correct, Lazer, no matter how Du spell it, isn't a word.)

(Fuck logic.)

"Squidward moaned and held the back of Spongebob's head. His own ejaculate rose back up into the main tube."

Starting to miss when Faker called it white stuff. o-O

"He was gonna cum."

And apparently, Google Auto-Correct thinks gonna is a word.

In the words of TheUncleChairman: Indeed, logic has escaped out the window.

"Squidward held on for his life."

Haha.....AHHAHAHAAHAH!!!! What is this, Mission Impossible, The Sex Edition?

That was the funniest part of this whole Fan fiction. ^__^

Sadly though, it wasn't INTENDED to be a joke, just bad vocabulary.

AW COME ON! :(

"It was gonna be a big one!"

Du have got to be fucking kidding me.

"Even bigger than when he and Spongebob dry humped and rubbed each other's d***s."

Even Mehr bonus points for bastardizing a character as much as possible!

EXTREME FEVER!!!! ^__________^ (You never played Peggle, have you?)

"Squidward scrunched up his face and gritted his teeth."

This is the most awkward sex scene I've ever read in a Fan fiction. I mean, this isn't just sex, this is like a freaking action movie!

Damn, it sounds like the fucking Matrix!

Matrix Script: Neo gritted his teeth as he shot Agent Smith, and with perfect accuracy, the bullet took him down. Agent Smith's scrunched up face haunted Neo forever after that day, as well as the dead bodies of the Sentinels.

WOW, what a coincidence...... o___O

Not even making a conspiracy joke, that was weird....

HOT NIGHTS AT THE KRUSTY KRAB! INCLUDES PORN, 24 Stunde NIGHT SHIFTS, BORING DIALOGUE, AND THE FUCKING MATRIX! ^___^

"His face was becoming beet red."

Again, the dialogue in this story is horrible, they just compared Squidward's face to a beet.

Wow, there's some real clutch vocabulary in here! :D

"Oh...oh..here it comes! he moaned."

Like a one Jahr old without their milch bottle.

"Spongebob went slower, and still suckled."

I'll tell Du one thing, the Autor Cheeze18 can suck on fucking glass.

"He moaned himself, apparently at his own limit. He went at a slow pace and then pulled the d*** out."

Can Du please fucking ejaculate so I can go Home and get some lunch? It's already 4:12, and my Friends are waiting for me! Jeez, the Superbowl doesn't last forever, Du know!

"He took it with one yellow hand..."

NO SHIT SHERLOCK, SPONGEBOB HAS YELLOW HANDS, WE ALL FUCKING KNOW THAT!

This is worse than, *Sonic the hedgehog was a hedgehog.*

"And rubbed, nice and slow. This made Squidward groan and made his body heat up another five oder ten degrees."

Mr. Krabs: DON'T TOUCH ME THERMOSTAT! ^___^

Damn, why did Du have to ruin Spongebob for me, Cheeze18?

Fucking Rule 34.

"He rolled his eyes back as a final stroke set him off. Hot squid spunk shot up into the air, and landed on the yellow recipient's face, on his tongue, in his holes, on his hands, and even that nose of his."

Fuck vocabulary. Just, fuck it.

Actually, knowing Rule 34 there probably already is a porn Fan fiction on the word vocabulary getting fucked.

Again, society. What is wrong with you?

"Spongebob was set off, and he ejaculated all over Squidward's legs, and on the once clean floor."

Can Du believe I have been trying to find bad Fan fictions in general, but the only bad ones I could find were porn?

Think of it, only Cupcakes and Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles go fishing (At least not yet.) Have no porn in them, so what the hell?

I'm now taking suggestions for terrible Fan fictions that aren't porn, HELP ME OUT HERE GUYS. O____O

Can't be that bad right?

Oh no... WHAT HAVE I DONE!?

"He gasped for breath, while panting Squidward's name, excitidly."

Wait... I typed that correct, right? *Checks* Yeah, I did!

So.... Mehr BAD SPELLING NOT FOR THE WIN. >:(

Also, I don't know if I mentioned this yet oder not, but often during these Fan fiction reviews the Fan fictions won't let me copy-paste, which not only makes reviewing this harder, (And painful...) But it make me have to check everything and it's the reason some of my episodes aren't done yet.

It's bad enough Lesen these stories, but it's even worse when I have to type them out on here.

If Du find a bad Fan fiction that isn't porn, make sure Du can copy-paste, PLEASE.

Anyways, I think it's time for another refreshing pause! ^___^

And that means.... COMMERCIAL TIME! :D

link
 HOW THE FUCK DO Du EVEN COME UP WITH THIS!?
HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN COME UP WITH THIS!?
posted by cynder1
chapter 4
spyro and cynder were flying with sparx to where the 'incedent' took place ,suddendly sparx sagte 'there there!, thats where she commited suicide!' they all landed at the high cliff and saw how steep it was 'yep embers definately dead.' sagte spyro they then flew to the bottom of the cliff where they got a shock. embers body wasnt there 's-spyro? wheres embers body?' 'i dont know' 'its like she turned into dust' 'hey spyro we've got company!' a mass of grublins were heading right towards them and to be leading them happened to be ember in adult form 'e-ember?' spyro sagte 'the ember u...
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added by Dearheart
Source: Dearheart
added by peacebaby7
Source: Me, FanFiction
added by ShadowFlame
Source: Google Suchen
Meg had stayed behind in the hospital after Jo had advised her to get a checkup. She wasn’t injured like Cas, but she had still been in ice cold water and she had been in contact with electricity. So, a checkup wouldn’t hurt.
The doctor draw some blood.
“How long have Du been feeling sick?” he asked.
“Since now, really” Meg answered in full honesty. “One moment I’m feeling fine, the Weiter I’m running off to the bathroom, puking my guts out”
“Do Du get stressed easy?” the doctor asked.
“No” Meg responded. “I don’t know. I’m not really familiar with emotions”...
continue reading...
added by Flora_Swift
added by HaleyDewit
Source: homeofthenutty+picnik
Dragon Ball Z Fan fiction.

Chapter 1: No Royal Road to Peace

"Where is he, Vegeta?" Goku charged. His nemesis stood not Mehr than twenty feet away, clad in regal garments and with an air of arrogant nobility about him. The larger warrior tightened his muscles until the veins in his arms looked ready to burst.

"What are Du talking about, Kakarott?” inquired the royal. “What the hell are Du doing here?" The guards protectively surrounding the Prince of the Saiyans did not take their eyes off of the intruder for a split-second.

"You know exactly who I'm talking about, Vegeta! Du had no right...
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posted by WaterLestrange
Is this ridiculous oder what? And will Du help?

( This is mostly for people who go on and have heard of the site called Fanfiction.net. My friend asked me to do this )

*This is not spam nor a joke

IMPORTANT: Fan-fiction is deleting
stories than contain yaoi, yuri, lemons, violence, stories based on songs, and any story on the site. My friend is organizing a Black Out Day. On June 23rd(according to GTM timing, so that we know we're doing it together), do NOT go onto fan-fiction. Don't read, don't review don't message your friends, don't update. If
enough people participate, then the site will...
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Alaric was in the küche solving crosswords when Jeremy walked to the cupboard and took a glass. He leaned over Alaric’s shoulder. “Cheese” he pointed at the page. Alaric filled in the word. And then closed the book. “I’m done” he said, stretching his arms. “I’m going to bed” he looked at Jeremy. “And Du better not stay up too late, either. Has anyone told Du how wrecked Du look?” Jeremy nodded. “I know. But I have a good feeling that will change soon enough” For a moment Alaric wanted to ask what he meant Von that, but then decided he was too tired. He sagte goodnight...
continue reading...
added by ShadowFlame
Source: Google Suchen
added by EppofangirlXD
Source: FanFiction.Net and meeeee
Evening fell and Stefan walked out of the hospital. There was no one outside, at first sight. Stefan headed to the parking lot when he heard a whoosh and turned around. No one was there. He turned around again and faced Rachel.
“Rachel, hi, I was wondering when I’d see Du again” he sagte calm.
“I’m sorry, Stefan, but I have to do this” Rachel plead apologetic.
“Do what? Stefan asked suspicious. Then he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder. Three of Veronica’s minions had snuck op him. Stefan turned around and grabbed the vervain stabber Von his throat. Stefan snarled and the minions...
continue reading...
“Caroline!”
Caroline was walking on the parking lot of the school. Her conversation with Matt had lasted longer than either of them had expected. She recognized Tyler’s voice, but didn’t bother to turn around. When she reached her car and opened the door Tyler rushed to her and slammed the door.
“Tyler!” Caroline exclaimed reproaching.
“I’m sorry” Tyler said. He took a deep breath. “I saw Du talking to Matt” he started.
Caroline quickly turned around. “Oh no. No, no, no, no. Du do not get to play jealous boyfriend. Du had your shot, Du blew it. Now Du can go back to...
continue reading...
“Where’s Barbie?” Katherine asked when Stefan was standing on the front porch of the Boarding House. She had gotten used to the sight of him with Rebekah.
“She’s out, doing something” Stefan explained vague. “Can I come in?”
Katherine shrugged and let him pass. Stefan turned around. “I’m looking for Elena. Is she here?”
“No, she’s at school. Du should know that” Katherine sagte uninterested.
“Not anymore she isn’t” Stefan said. “School’s over”
“Then she’s probably at the Grill” Katherine said, a little annoyed. “What do Du need her for anyway?”
“I want to apologize for what happened last time she came over” Stefan said. “And I want to make sure she’s okay. I mean, I know Rebekah’s blood already left her system Von now, but still, it must have freaked her out”
He looked at Katherine who stared at some point behind Stefan. Stefan quickly turned around and saw Damon standing in the doorway.
Rebekah and Stefan were walking hand in hand in the shopping straße when Rebekah squeezed Stefan’s hand and nodded in front of her.
“Isn’t that your friend?” she asked. She nodded at Elena who was walking their way, though she didn’t seem to notice them. They accelerated their steps until they reached her.
“Hi, Elena” Stefan said.
Elena startled and put out her earphones. “Stefan, geez, you’re going to get me a herz attack someday”
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you” Stefan apologized with raised hands. “Rebekah saw Du walking”
Elena looked at the girl who smiled at...
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“Before I kill Du there are a few things Du have to know” Bonnie rolled him on his back with her feet. “You’re evil. You’re a worthless, useless waste of space. You’re not even worth spitting on. You’re a monster. You’re a sinner and for your sins Du have to make amends”
She walked around him pouring water over him and Damon knew what was to come. But this time he did not have the strength nor the courage to try and prevent it.
Bonnie looked at Damon and set him on fire. The flames started at his feet and searched their way to his chest. Damon rolled over the floor, but instead...
continue reading...