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 I'm done with my life.
I'm done with my life.
(Do Du really want to read this without me? Well, if Du want to die that badly, the link is here.)

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7603195/1/Hot-Nights-at-the-Krusty-Krab

(Also, there is some profanity in this series, so if Du can't take cussing, oder disgusting sex in these god-awful Fan fictions, please leave now.)

Du have got to be kidding me. I'm not even joking, Du have GOT to be FREAKING KIDDING ME. How do people come up with this, how do people even THINK that Schreiben A F**KING SQUIDWARD X SPONGEBOB Fan FICTION WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA!?!?

And why is porn done wrong so many times? I mean, ALL Du have to do is at least TRY to make it funny, make no grammar errors, and VOILA! But no, people keep s**ting out crap like this.

Today, I take on what I think is the grossest Fan fiction I've ever seen.

...

NO PLEASE GOD! LET ME LIVE, PLEASE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE, I AM BEGGING YOU, I'M ON MY KNEES, DON'T DO THIS TO MY FRAGILE SOUL!

*Sigh* Fine, for the sake of doing my job, warning people about bad Fan fictions, I'll review this.

Now, I have to admit something. I had to take a break when Lesen this story, I almost retched, I am serious. Hell, I feel so sick right now....

Another thing, I never actually vomited when Lesen Faker, heck, I felt fine the whole way through, but do Du want to know what I actually had to do?

I had to see the urgent care, I told them about this story and my stomach really hurt.

I'll say that again, A Fan FICTION PHYSICALLY HURT ME, I AM NOT JOKING AT ALL.

And Du know what? This was going to be a special planned collaboration with one of my school friends, but I had to stay home.

And guess what it's rated? M for Mature.
OOOOHHHHH SSSHHHIIITTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh boy, I'm doing it again. I'm sorry guys, I'm stalling, but enough bulls**t, I am ripping apart the most disgusting Fan fiction I've ever seen....

It's time to look at, Hot Nights at the Krusty Krab, Von Cheeze18.

"Spongebob and Squidward were bored."

Only porn Fan fictions can pull off making this sound as intimidating as possible X__O

"They were forced to work there, again, for 24 hours."

Well hey! This guy sort of knows his grammar, and he made a reference to the show!

Unfortunately, those are the only positive things I can say about this shitty short story....

"Spongebob was mopping the green wooden floors, while Squidward was Lesen a purple book, with a secret magazine hidden behind the book."

THE PURPLE BOOK IS A LIE!

Seriously though, we know the magazine is just porn, and he sagte it was behind the purple book, so....

Squidward is Lesen the boring book? NOT EVEN THE PORN ITSELF MAKES SENSE!

"Squidward was horny, with his squid penis hard."

What the hell are these people doing with their lives? They could be finding a beautiful boy/girlfriend, they could be hanging out with friends, they could be getting a job, hanging out with their dog, making YouTube videos, eating, etc.

But of ALL THINGS, his mind decides to go Rule 34 on him and s/he makes a porn Fan fiction.

About fucking Spongebob.

"He was rubbing himself, but he was not staring at the pages."

2 Things.

1: Was not = Wasn't. IT'S Sekunde GRADE DUDE!

2: Again, USE BETTER VOCABULARY! Really? Rubbing himself?

This is the only Fan fiction I know when it doesn't even get the porn right.

Actually, scratch that, FOR THE Liebe OF GOD DON'T USE BETTER VOCABULARY! O_____O

"He was staring at Spongebob."

Oh boy. Oh FUCKING boy....

"For about two months now, he and Spongebob have been in a relationship."

Ruining my childhood right off the bat? Alright, that's already -5,000 points!

This start was even better than Faker! ^___^

"They've kissed, and dry humped, but not sex."

FORESHADOWING. O_______O

"Yet. Squidward wanted to, so bad."

1. Why does the word yet have a period after it?

2. Can Du please STOP DESTROYING MY SOUL!? >.<

"He felt like he was pressuring Spongebob to do it, but he had no problem."

Yeah, this is every porn Fan fiction in a nutshell.

STEP ONE: Somewhat boring dialogue with some childhood crushing material here and there.

STEP TWO: That one, "OH NO X___X" Moment.

STEP THREE: Sex. -___-

"Spongebob turned around, and showed his square butt."

What the f@%k is this person doing with their life? Does s/he really think they're going to turn anyone on with this S&#T!?

Ugh, I am so sick of this.

"Squidward felt a throb. He was about to cum."

And no comma because WHY NOT? :D

"Panting, he lifted himself up, and watched Spongebob."

It's near impossible to stay neutral while Lesen this, BUT SERIOUSLY, WHAT, WHO, WHERE, WHEN, WHY DID THEY THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA!?!?

Time to bring out my napalm flamethrower. >:(

"He said, Hey Spongebob? Spongebob turned, smiling."

DON'T TRUST THE EVIL SMILE! X___X

"Yes?"

Yep, boring dialogue, quite literally, out the ass.

Yeah, this is why it takes so long to make these episodes, these Fan fictions ARE SO BORING!

I mean, I know Du pretty much HAVE to put in some everyday dialogue BUT CAN Du AT LEAST TRY to be entertaining?

Time to charge the napalm flamethrower. >:(

"Um, I want to do something with you. Is that okay?"

FUCK NO!!! NOT EVEN CENSORING IT, FUCK NO!!!!!!!

"Squidward asked, Spongebob's face was all confused."

That's the reason these are so tiring to read. I read this story TWICE before reviewing this and NOT ONCE did I see any attempts at comedy to make this even remotely interesting to read.

It's like if Du had to read those Harry Potter books.

IN THE FIRST GRADE.

"Like what? That.. sex thing. we have been talking about."

We have = We've. Once again, Sekunde GRADE!!!!!

"Sex? Oh yeah."

OH YEAAAAH, SEX! HOW COULD I FORGET? :D YEAH, THAT THING! I REMEMBER NOW!

Yeah, like Faker, this story is bastardizing innocent characters from my childhood.

Also, strangely enough, bastardizing is a word. o__O
Not even kidding, Google's Auto-Correct just left it like that.

LOL :D

"So?"

"So What?"

"Did you...want to...try it?"

Can Du try... TALKING FASTER? WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO BORING! >.<

On Sekunde thought, for the Liebe of god, STALL STALL STALL. O__O

"What, here?"

"Sure."

ARE Du SURE YOU'RE SURE YOU'RE SURE YOU'RE SURE? ^____^

*Sigh* What the fuck is wrong with these people?

"I don't know..Spongebob looked down at the floor."

"Squidward walked over to the sponge and draped an arm over his shoulders. He smiled."

UHHH......WITH MENTOS FRESHEN UP YOUR LIFE? ^___^

Damn it, unlike Television, commercials can't stop me here.

CURSE Du DINKLEBERG!!!!!

"Why don't we try it? He suggested, slipping a tentacle under south, under Spongebob's pants and grabbing his limp d**k"

ALL NEW SPICY MCGRIDDLE ONLY $3.99! ^___^ ONLY AT MCDONALDS!

Fuck, where are the advertisements when Du need them?

Well if Fanpop won't add them for me, then I will!

And please watch these too. Not only did I find some really funny ones, but LORD KNOWS Du probably need a break too.

Plus, it makes me unique from other reviewers. :D

So yeah, here Du go!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4hlzRNu3uE

AAAAND WE'RE BACK! ^___^

Better aim my napalm flamethrower. >:(

But remember guys, Mentos, the fresh-maker! :D

"He rubbed it to life."

What. The. FUCK!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?

"Spongebob moaned."

(Must...not....spam...advertisements.....)

"Squidward continued to rub at and grab at Spongebob's balls to get him hot."

This is Mehr disturbing then Faker...

Achievement unlocked Cheeze18! CONGRATUFUCKINGLATIONS. >:(

(How do Du like the new running gag? ^__^)

"It dd make him hot, and Spongebob saw Squidward's erection for the first time that night."

ABOUT TO PUSH THE feuer BUTTON ON THE NAPALM FLAMETHROWER! >:(

"He kneeled down and took the light-blue co** n his mouth."

Du know what's a huge shame guys? I just randomly find these. Yeah, I don't type in, "Worst Spongebob Fan Fictions Ever" in Google, I just read the first result on the page.

Again, society fucking sucks nowadays.

"Spongebob sucked and licked and rubbed while he worked at his own hard on."

Same problem Sonic and Tails and Knuckles Go Fishing had, FUCK COMMAS! ^___^

"Spongebob was Mehr hot, though, as he felt his d*** felt up with his seed."

Now the Autor has a comma fetish. JUST FANTASTIC.

"He moaned and went faster. He then took it deep in his mouth and deep throated."

I am praying to god right now that the Autor wasn't aroused when making this. o___O

If he did, then he was successfully been even Mehr of a demented satanic pervert then the Autor of The Pokemon Story.

Two achievements unlocked, YOU'RE ON A WINNING STREAK CHEEZE18! ^__^

"Spongebob conjured up Mehr saliva and sucked faster."

We all know what's about to happen... *Gags*

TrueBlueTeam: Yeah, the white stuff! ^___^

Me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCj8Yzx15BA

(Replace Lazer with napalm flamethrower. :D)

(And according to Google Auto-Correct, Lazer, no matter how Du spell it, isn't a word.)

(Fuck logic.)

"Squidward moaned and held the back of Spongebob's head. His own ejaculate rose back up into the main tube."

Starting to miss when Faker called it white stuff. o-O

"He was gonna cum."

And apparently, Google Auto-Correct thinks gonna is a word.

In the words of TheUncleChairman: Indeed, logic has escaped out the window.

"Squidward held on for his life."

Haha.....AHHAHAHAAHAH!!!! What is this, Mission Impossible, The Sex Edition?

That was the funniest part of this whole Fan fiction. ^__^

Sadly though, it wasn't INTENDED to be a joke, just bad vocabulary.

AW COME ON! :(

"It was gonna be a big one!"

Du have got to be fucking kidding me.

"Even bigger than when he and Spongebob dry humped and rubbed each other's d***s."

Even Mehr bonus points for bastardizing a character as much as possible!

EXTREME FEVER!!!! ^__________^ (You never played Peggle, have you?)

"Squidward scrunched up his face and gritted his teeth."

This is the most awkward sex scene I've ever read in a Fan fiction. I mean, this isn't just sex, this is like a freaking action movie!

Damn, it sounds like the fucking Matrix!

Matrix Script: Neo gritted his teeth as he shot Agent Smith, and with perfect accuracy, the bullet took him down. Agent Smith's scrunched up face haunted Neo forever after that day, as well as the dead bodies of the Sentinels.

WOW, what a coincidence...... o___O

Not even making a conspiracy joke, that was weird....

HOT NIGHTS AT THE KRUSTY KRAB! INCLUDES PORN, 24 Stunde NIGHT SHIFTS, BORING DIALOGUE, AND THE FUCKING MATRIX! ^___^

"His face was becoming beet red."

Again, the dialogue in this story is horrible, they just compared Squidward's face to a beet.

Wow, there's some real clutch vocabulary in here! :D

"Oh...oh..here it comes! he moaned."

Like a one Jahr old without their milch bottle.

"Spongebob went slower, and still suckled."

I'll tell Du one thing, the Autor Cheeze18 can suck on fucking glass.

"He moaned himself, apparently at his own limit. He went at a slow pace and then pulled the d*** out."

Can Du please fucking ejaculate so I can go Home and get some lunch? It's already 4:12, and my Friends are waiting for me! Jeez, the Superbowl doesn't last forever, Du know!

"He took it with one yellow hand..."

NO SHIT SHERLOCK, SPONGEBOB HAS YELLOW HANDS, WE ALL FUCKING KNOW THAT!

This is worse than, *Sonic the hedgehog was a hedgehog.*

"And rubbed, nice and slow. This made Squidward groan and made his body heat up another five oder ten degrees."

Mr. Krabs: DON'T TOUCH ME THERMOSTAT! ^___^

Damn, why did Du have to ruin Spongebob for me, Cheeze18?

Fucking Rule 34.

"He rolled his eyes back as a final stroke set him off. Hot squid spunk shot up into the air, and landed on the yellow recipient's face, on his tongue, in his holes, on his hands, and even that nose of his."

Fuck vocabulary. Just, fuck it.

Actually, knowing Rule 34 there probably already is a porn Fan fiction on the word vocabulary getting fucked.

Again, society. What is wrong with you?

"Spongebob was set off, and he ejaculated all over Squidward's legs, and on the once clean floor."

Can Du believe I have been trying to find bad Fan fictions in general, but the only bad ones I could find were porn?

Think of it, only Cupcakes and Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles go fishing (At least not yet.) Have no porn in them, so what the hell?

I'm now taking suggestions for terrible Fan fictions that aren't porn, HELP ME OUT HERE GUYS. O____O

Can't be that bad right?

Oh no... WHAT HAVE I DONE!?

"He gasped for breath, while panting Squidward's name, excitidly."

Wait... I typed that correct, right? *Checks* Yeah, I did!

So.... Mehr BAD SPELLING NOT FOR THE WIN. >:(

Also, I don't know if I mentioned this yet oder not, but often during these Fan fiction reviews the Fan fictions won't let me copy-paste, which not only makes reviewing this harder, (And painful...) But it make me have to check everything and it's the reason some of my episodes aren't done yet.

It's bad enough Lesen these stories, but it's even worse when I have to type them out on here.

If Du find a bad Fan fiction that isn't porn, make sure Du can copy-paste, PLEASE.

Anyways, I think it's time for another refreshing pause! ^___^

And that means.... COMMERCIAL TIME! :D

link
 HOW THE FUCK DO Du EVEN COME UP WITH THIS!?
HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN COME UP WITH THIS!?
Bonnie turned to Keith. “Have Du ever been in this house before?” Keith nodded heavy. “Okay, find me five candles and something to lit them” Keith ran off to fetch those things and Bonnie walked to the cupboard. She opened the drawers and searched them until she found a piece of paper and a pen.
“What are Du up to?” Matt asked both curious and fascinated. While Bonnie wrote something down she explained.
“Months Vor I put a curse on Damon to keep him in check. I could follow his every word and move”
“Yeah, I know”
“It turns out there are some leftovers from that curse”...
continue reading...
7.40 pm
Katherine watched Elena jumping into Damon’s car and Damon driving away. She knew now was her turn and an evil grin appeared on her face. She stuck her hand in her pocket and conjured a box named Sonata, which she had swiped from Jeremy.
“Elena got what?”
Stefan and Katherine turned around. Jeremy was standing in the doorway of the kitchen.
“Jeremy, please let me explain. But not here. Let’s go to the küche where we can talk in private” Stefan sagte and he went into the kitchen, Jeremy following him. Katherine, however, stayed behind. While Stefan filled Jeremy in on what...
continue reading...
“You should go see a doctor”
Elena and Damon were sitting at the küche tabelle with the first aid kit in the center. Elena had tried to bandage Damon’s finger, but the bandage didn’t want to cooperate.
“I can’t go to a doctor, I’m a vampire” Damon said. “And it’s broken, a first aid kit is not going to help”
“But doesn’t it hurt?” Elena asked compassionate.
“It’s okay” Damon said. Bonnie had made the pain lighter, just like she did with the whole jinx, but of course she couldn’t take it away completely. For that she had to die and since he couldn’t kill...
continue reading...
“How is he?” Derek asked as soon as Damon and Elena entered the Boarding House.
“I’m right here” Damon said. He walked to the couch and sank down. Elena sat down Weiter to him and looked at Derek. “Hey, could Du go and get some blood”
“Yeah, sure” Derek nodded and he rushed to the basement.
“You feeling better?” Elena asked concerned, taking Damon’s hand.
“I’m fine” Damon sagte short. “Why were Du in the hospital?”
Elena looked away. Then she looked back. “Who told Du that?”
“Who do Du think?” Damon smirked. “He told me not to come, but I’m a little...
continue reading...
“There has to be a way out of here” Dean sagte frustrated.
“You think we haven’t tried to find one?” Ellen fired back.
“Not hard enough” Dean snapped. He turned to Anna. “If a fallen Angel – Jäger der Finsternis who’s literally Lost his mind can zap himself out of here then why can’t Du do something?”
Anna frowned her eyebrows. “You are not putting this on me” she sagte angry. “Crazy oder not, Cas is a lot Mehr powerful than I am. But I don’t think Cas actually zapped himself out of here. I think someone brought him back to earth. We can’t all be daddy’s favorite” Anna finished with...
continue reading...
“Amber!”
“Little harder, Stefan. We don’t want to make it too hard for Klaus to track us down” Katherine sarcastically said. She and Stefan were back in the woods, trying to find Amber and Kelsey.
“Klaus is the least of our worries right now” Stefan said. “He’s not going after us now”
“How d’you know? Du can read his mind?” Katherine sagte snarky.
“He could’ve killed us last night, but he didn’t”
“Yeah, because we got away”
“But if he wanted to kill us, he could’ve easily” Stefan said. “He’s not after us. Not now anyway”
Katherine shook her head....
continue reading...
The sun was almost down and Stefan and Amber were once again sitting with each other. Now that Klaus knew they were just Friends he didn’t find it necessary to send someone spying on them. He wanted Stefan to be his most loyal servant and he wanted to trust him. His closeness to Amber was alarming, but on the other hand Stefan wouldn’t be so stupid to go against Klaus’ wishes, knowing what could possibly be the consequences. No one would stop him if he went after Damon, oder worse Elena. No, Stefan wouldn’t take that chance.
He couldn’t be Mehr wrong. He watched Stefan and Amber talking,...
continue reading...
“What are they saying?” Stefan insisted.
“I don’t know, I can’t hear it” Damon hissed.
“What do Du mean, Du can’t hear it?” Stefan fired back.
“Their lips are moving, but there’s no sound coming out of them, not even a whisper” Damon said.
Stefan scribbled up. “I’m going inside. Du stay here and try figuring out what they’re saying” He trusted Damon to do listen to him for a change and sneaked to the back of the building. There had to be another door. There wasn’t. However, on the left side of the building there was a window, big enough for one person to go...
continue reading...
“So this is where Damon and I first met” Elena sagte standing in the entrance hall.
“Interesting” Caroline said. “Come on, let’s get outside” She grabbed Elena’s hand and dragged her outside.
While Caroline and Elena were having fun outside, Damon was in the küche slicing the cake. The cake had been another idea of Caroline. Both Damon and Elena thought it was a little too much, but Caroline was not easy to say no to.
Damon felt how someone was watching his back and he turned around seeing Alaric in the doorway. He turned around again and carried on with the cake.
“You need...
continue reading...
The hospital
“I’m fine” Jeremy sagte for the seventh time. Caroline had brought him to the hospital, along with Bonnie.
“I think I should make that decision, don’t Du think?” the doctor said. It was the same that had taken care of his hand. “Now, will Du please lay down so I can check if Du have any broken ribs?”
Jeremy reluctantly lay down on the hospital bett and pulled up his shirt, like the doctor had asked him.
“Does this hurt?” she asked, pressing the right side of his stomach. Jeremy shook his head. “And this?”
“No”
“This?”
“Oww!” Jeremy exclaimed.
“Okay”...
continue reading...
“Katherine!” Stefan shouted. “Let me out of here!”
Katherine had locked him up in the cellar, hoping the vervain would keep him weak until Elena and Damon came back. But unfortunately vervain didn’t seem to have the same effect on Stefan as it used to. Probably due to the massive amount of blood he drank daily, openly and secretly, he recovered from the attack sooner than the average vampire. “You know, you’re really one to talk” Stefan said. “You seduced him, led him on, made him believe Du loved him, screwed his brother-well, he knew that, but still-almost got him to commit...
continue reading...
I am sorry the chapters are so short, I will try to make them longer. Thankz for reading, I hope Du enjoy.


“We ran as fast as we could but they had a car waiting on the highway. We know who it is and so dose Nessie!” Alice exclaimed in a high pitched voice handing me a crumpled branch. I sniffed it delicately. Everybody held their breath awaiting my reaction.
All of my memories came flooding back to me as I arched my back and flipped back into a low crouch feeling a sudden burst of energy. I knew this scent; it was Nahul’s the only half vampire half human boy in existence.
“How could...
continue reading...
Stefan grabbed Elena Von her hair and dragged her back into the house, his ripper face still on.
“Stefan, let go of me. You’re hurting me” Elena cried.
“Well, you’re hurting me!” Stefan growled. “We haven’t even officially broken up yet and you’re already clinging on my brother like a fetus on a navel string”
He dragged her to his bedroom and wanted to throw her inside, when he felt a sudden aching in his back. He looked aside and saw Katherine. He brought his arm back until he found the stake.
“Okay, first of all, ouch!” Stefan sagte and he pulled out the stake. “Second...
continue reading...
trailer for the 4th chapter of my TVD story The Host :)
video
Vampire Diaries
the host
Fan fiction
chapter 4 behind the surface
may 10 2012
trailer