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Critical Analysis of Twilight Frage

What would Du like to be changed about Twilight in a re-write?

Hullo, I'm obviously new to the group (and relatively new to Fanpop, seeing as I've been on a few times but never made an account), and I think that Du guys are all fantastic! XD Du sound like really civilized people, and I Liebe that.

But anyway, getting to my question..
I decided today, in the shower, that I would attempt a total re-write of the Twilight book. Not to sell oder Zeigen people, but just for my own experience and pleasure, me being an aspiring Autor and all. I realized many flaws in the book, but I haven't read it completely myself (couldn't bring myself to finish it..) so I was wondering, what did Du have a problem with in the book that you'd like to see changed if there were to be a re-write? I already have a list:

>Bella's personality (or lack thereof)/excessive criticism and inability to be pleased Von anything
>Edward's "abusive" behavior..
>Definition of the vampire
>Anti-climax... Du know, the climax that didn't happen because she fainted
>The excessive amounts of unnecessary detail and purple prose

I'm absolutely happy to even fix a specific part, like how all those guys ask Bella if she was going to ask them to the Girl's Choice dance.
So, have Du anything for me? :D I would really appreciate anything from everyone.
 Rhyshian posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr
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Critical Analysis of Twilight Antwort

HyperKnight9X said:
Where to begin with rewrites, lol! I'm an aspiring writer myself (it's my passion), and have often contemplated about doing a Fan fiction rewrite of Twilight (I'm Mehr edging towards New Moon though because of how terrible and depressing it was).

Well, the first thing I would definitely want changed in a rewrite is NO SPARKLING VAMPIRES!

Exchange Edward's abusive behavior for a personality, and actually have it to where he did have some relationships before Bella. I hated how it seemed like he was forcing Bella to go to prom even though she wanted. They could have done something that maybe she really WANTED to do and still dress up.

Bella, let's face it, is one of the worst fictional characters, not to mention she's a tease. I grudgingly admit that I did like her in the first book, but in later books, forget it. I would like to see her as something of a better suited role model for girls (nothing hardcore like Wonder Woman). I would also Liebe to see her actually treated like a new kid and not get so much attention from the guys.

Give a reason for why Bella and Edward are in Liebe and not just because of his looks and her scent.

Honestly, I would probably also have it that through some charm oder something that the Cullens are able to live out in the sunlight if Du wanna keep the angle of them still going to high school.

Establish James as a villain, not just some addition lamely added in the last few chapters. Make us Liebe to hate him.

Mehr importantly, the dialogue. Have to be careful with that.

Good luck!
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posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr 
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XD Yes, those sparkling Vampire are out. I was actually thinking of doing the charm thing. Maybe something that can reduce the effect of the sun, at least just enough that a cloudy place like Forks won't allow them to be damaged. :D It sounds good enough for me.
Rhyshian posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr
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And the personalities are definitely going to be fixed. Oh, yeah, James! I forgot about him. Giving James an actual character is going on the list. Thank you! :3
Rhyshian posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr
XChatterbox14x said:
I would like to have changed, Edwards stalker like behaviour, Bella's lack of independance, Jacob falling in Liebe with a baby and i wouldn't write that the Vampire sparkle. I'm sure there's alot Mehr that could be changed but these would be my main goals if i re wrote the story. :)
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posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr 
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Yeah, the stalkerish-ness is definitely going, as well as the sparkliness. I'm only re-writing the first book, not the series, so I can't change anything about... Reneesme. XD oder Jacob imprinting. But I definitely agree that those things are some that I would change. C:
Rhyshian posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr
BlueBrooke said:
Hello~ ^.^

Good idea! :) I've had the same idea with another series, but kudos to Du for taking the initiative. I'll try to help~
I think some definite changes to the plot line should be made, other than what Du have stated.
Jasper needs Mehr limelight. Yes, if I am a fangirl over any part of twilight, at all, it shall be over Jasper, of course, it's not necessary to make the book perfect, but I'd be very happy, so I suppose it's a selfish request.
There also needs to be Mehr variety in Forks High School, in the amount/personality/behavior of the boys obsessed with Bella. That just needs changing.
Two Mehr things:
Less Bella x Edward gushiness, it would help to make the actual plot line start sooner.
I suppose I could say the quality of the writing, but that goes with saying~ :) Seeing as it's being re-written.

Last one! :D It may not apply, but, in Eclipse, there needs to be Mehr of a plot twist. It doesn't seem to make sense that Bella should figure out what "super-intelligent" Vampire failed to, and the context of that apocalypse doesn't make sense either. In my opinion, They shouldn't know until the last Minute that the vamps are after Bella, and red herrings (courtesy of someone known as A-l-i-c-e) should occur.

Wow! xD That was much Mehr long-winded than I had originally planned.
Anyway, good luck on your re-write! :)

~~Blue
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posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr 
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xD Oh, sorry, I just saw Du were only rewriting the first book. So the Eclipse Kommentar doesn't apply. Nevermind~
BlueBrooke posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr
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Yes, I'm just doing the first book. XD But thank Du for your suggestions! I'll see what I can do to make Jasper get in Mehr XD
Rhyshian posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr
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xD Thank you~
BlueBrooke posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr
DirtyDiamond said:
1. Give the Cullens Mehr of a personality and Mehr speech.
2. Edward wouldn't watch Bella sleep because and 3. Make Jacob fall in Liebe with Leah not a baby.
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posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr 
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Definitely a Cullen personality change. That's going on in my head right now. I'm only doing the first book, so unfortunately I can't apply the last one, but thank Du for suggestions anyway! :D
Rhyshian posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr
penguin098 said:
I'll make it easy for you: CHange everything but there being a chracter named Bella who must decide between the two loves of her life (Edward and Jacob) but please write it in a way that there's an actual burden with chosing.

ALso: I would Liebe it Du did post it, Twilight despratly needs to be re-written and i'd Liebe to see you're view

~Pengiun098~
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posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr 
bri-marie said:
~Bella - I would make her less whiney and Mehr relatable.
~Edward - erm... everything?
~Imprinting - it wouldn't be there.
~Vampires - they wouldn't sparkle
~Minor/background characters - I'd give them Mehr attention. There were so many characters that had so much potential that were just left there. (I'm sure I would have hated Lauren had she actually, ya know, done something mean.)I also would have sagte what happened to them. I think SMeyer has them melt into vapor oder something - they just kinda faded away.
~Climax - there would be a battle/fight/argument/conflict in every book.
~Grammar/spelling/word-usage - they wouldn't be there. oder if they were, they would be minor problems, not in-your-face problems.
~Breaking Dawn wouldn't have happened.
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posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr 
wotcher-tonks said:
Everthing. Just everything.
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posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr 
shriekingshack said:
One of the things I'd like to change is Meyers Beschreibung of vampires. I mean seriously, they sparkle? If i were to write a book i would not want one of my main characters to be a sparkling vampire... I'd also change the personalities of her characters(if they even have one). I mean Edward is an abusive stalker-ish obsessive boyfriend. Those traits are not good. And bella is someone who is dependent on Edward and is totally helpless without him and counts on him(or Jacob) to save the day. And Jacob imprinting on renesmee?Can i say gross much??
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posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr 
shibo226 said:
I would change quite a bit...um a few?
a better villian, not just some 'and suddenly evil vamps come blah blah blah' A good evil character has to have a reason for being evil! They need to have something in their past that drove them to be evil.
Um what else...
Don't use the whole 'vampires are really just brooding goths' that's kinda old...

oh! the wolves, I'm sorry but the Wölfe annoyed me. They were not 'werewolves' they were shamens. A werewolf has no choise in it's transformation,while whilst in their beast form they loss their human mind. Shamens took the form of the thing the enemy feared most.

The Edward-bella-Jacob triange? only if there is some actual internal conflict. Not 'oh I Liebe edward but I kinda like Jacob too but I Liebe Edward more'
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posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr 
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OMG! So agree about the Wolves, nnoyng much?? Yeah. And the Liebe dreieck - yawn!! But I did actually Liebe the baddies!! Team Edward? Team Jacob? Nah I'll take Team Volturi - Team Aro!!
JazzyV posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr
tdafan121 said:
The physical answer is too long (It took up 6 pages on Word -.-) so I'll just say this:

Pretty much everything, but I'd mainly change the "sparkly vampires" bit and the way this book poisons the minds of innocent teenagers (and some adults...).
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posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr 
SilverDoe29 said:
I think Edward should find it harder to resist killing Bella. I mean, he keeps going on about how difficult it is and yet always appears to be perfectly in control... He should at least really TRY to drink her blood once.

Secondly, make some non-vamps have a greater role. Humans who aren't Bella should get occasions to actually, Du know, DO something....

Major thing to me; creat arguments. Between Edward and Bella, that is. I mean, proper ones. Du can't have chemistry if nothing bad ever happens between them. This is mostly a problem in New Moon (I mean, c'mon! He left her! I don't care if it was for her own good, she should get a least a TINY bit angry!) but if you're only doing the first book, I'd really like Du to fit in some proper chemistry.

And finnally, put Mehr depth into Alice's friendship with Bella. It was something I actually liked in the books, and I'd have loved it if it could've been a little Mehr well developed. Again, not constantly fine, add some real arguements.
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posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr 
-Grace- said:
Ahaha, we disagree so entirely ^_^ For me the only problem was the ending. I hate children, and I don't like it when characters in Bücher have them, because they Liebe the child Mehr than each other :( I disliked Breaking Dawn purely because it was tragically lacking in certain fetus-expulsive surgical procedures.
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posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr 
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