hmmmh, how to start this.......

well Gracie, its me, your best friend, im Schreiben this to Du on my 17th birthday.

i miss Du so much, see right now, i wouldnt be in school, right now we'd be hanging out together, in the nearest Starbucks drinking erdbeere Frappuccino's, drinking in the sun and blue skies.

But no. im sitting here, Von myself crying my eyes out because the only person who ever truly got me, the one person that i truly loved Mehr than anything oder anyone in the world, is no longer here, in my life like she should be.

do i blame you? no. no i don't. Du saw that your life was going nowhere, Du saw that you'd never make it. no one else saw that except you. Even i didnt see that. but i always believed in you. i was the one who was constantly there trying to help, but inevitably failing.

see i wish Du were here, you'd hug me and then probably slap me for being so down, especially on my birthday. you'd tell me i was being stupid, wasting my big day.

you'd tell me how i should be enjoying myself, not hiding away, you'd complain about the weather, coz its not so sunny anymore, its not so warm either.

but insgesamt you'd still be here. i remember when i was still getting used to Du not being around, i remember crying for days, the days were cold and difficult, and i didnt know how to get through it. that was the time where i almost followed you.

and after that, i realised what the hell i was doing, wasting my life when instead i could be living for you. keeping your legacy alive. the shy but feisty girl that every one saw but never really knew. only i can say that i knew you, but REALLY knew you. your favourite colour was blue, but not just any blue, indigo to be precise. Du hated pop music, Du loved flowers, especially black tulips. Du were my very reason for breathing, living and continuing on with my shit life.

after you'd gone, people got mad at me, i told 'em all how i knew you'd do this, coz honestly i did, but i could stop you. my morals blocked every word i wanted to utter. i knew that if i stopped Du now, you'd do it the Weiter Tag anyway regardless of what i had to say about it. i knew that if i stopped you, you'd suffer, you'd be in pain for the rest of your life. and i would be to blame. IT'D BE MY FAULT!
I can't take that, its not mine to claim.


so what the hell am i doing now, i can literally hear Du asking, i can hear you, smell your flowery perfume, feel your touch, your hugs, i can see your pretty brown eyes, see your bright blue hair, i can see it all if i reach out with my mind. Du never did understand why i kept with Du all this time. i did it coz Du were my best friend, my soul sister.

so here i am on my 17th birthday Schreiben to you, just knowing your looking over my shoulder Lesen this, rolling your eyes at some of the stuff i wrote.

i Liebe Du forever Gracie, but right now is where i tell Du that Du ripped my herz out when Du killed yourself, and eventhough back then, i could truly forgive Du for it, well now....

i forgive you..........