For the past few months, I've been majorly depressed. I've had a complete breakdown and I feel like there's no point in life or ANYTHING any more. I get really paranoid about everything. Paranoid that all of you hate me, and you just pretend to like me. I'm known as one of the happiest ones generally in the spot, and I don't want you to feel sorry for me, cause I'm worried if you could feel bad yourself. Don't bother asking which one of us it is, because I'm not going to use this account again, so....

^ I don't care which one of us you are -- just know I love you all the same<3

and besides, I've thought that too (the just pretending to like you thing) occasionally. I think it every day at school. so you're not alone :) we're always here for you, anonymous or no<3 and that's the truth.

Im also a regular on that spot.
I'm bi and in love with my best friend. She is everything I want, everything I need but she has a boyfriend and I've never had a partner. Shes beautiful and I'm very plain. Shes endlessly fasanting but I'm hopelessly boring.

@thisisme94 - I've felt like that a few times before, to be honest. But you have to remember, everyone's here for a reason. Deep inside you know you're strong, if you follow your heart you can't be wrong! You have a destiny, and when you find the path that's true, you'll know that's the one for you. Never stop believing! And, once again, sometimes I've felt everyone just pretended to like me. But, it's not true. All of us Biggerstaffs love each other. I love each and every one of you. What Malloy said is true, we're always going to be there for you. We are going to be worried about you, because we're your friends. Friends worry about each other and help each other. We'll do anything we can to help you, fellow Biggerstaff. We love you.

@smellydog - It doesn't matter to me whether you're straight or not, I'll still love you. Nothing, not even gender, can stop the power of love. If you do love her, try to show her through your actions, your words. If she breaks up with her boyfriend, then you should ask her to dinner, or something like that. Constantly be by her side, and tell her you love her. Maybe she'll realize it on her own. Maybe she has feelings for you too, there's always that possibility. I bet you're not plain OR boring, all of us Biggerstaffs are beautiful and interesting. And if it doesn't work out, at least you tried. And someday she'll realize saying "no" to you was the worst mistake she ever made.

@thisismes, I know exactly now you feel and I hate to say that I feel the same way. :/

Well, I've never told anyone on here this but I was a cutter and am still kinda of depressed. But you guys pretty much knew already, I just never said it flat out.

The thing I've never told anyone ('cept Vamp) is that I used to hate EEnE. Lol, love the contrast, right?

@Boo - Please try to stop with the cutting :( Why did you do it? *hugs*

*hug for all*

Poor boo. It solves nothing, not really, :)
Try talking to someone, face to face.

boo, I want you to know I feel really bad about the truth or dare thing now :( I would never have said it if I'd realised, and I hope I didn't make you feel too bad... ugh, I'm blind sometimes.

I'm planning on posting an article that talks about what Harry Potter did for ... I use to be extremely depressed and thought abotu self-harm and suicide .. so it has a VERY special place in my heart and I'm so thankful for it.

@best, malloy and moo I don't really do it anymore (well, not like as often as I used to) and talking to people is just kinda bleh. The whole ToD thing, it's ok, I just, yeah. why did I do it? Well, I had my heart broken, school is way too much pressure plus I have a whole bunch of stuff to deal with in my family like my great grandmother (who is horrible to my mother) having to live with us.

Sissy, you too? :/

I'm sorry that happened to you, Boo. *hugs* we're here for you, and yes, but I'll explain in my article. It was a horrid part of my life: "the dark phase"

I'm glad you had at least something to help you cope. HP just made me feel worse. :/

*hugs Boo* If you ever feel stressed out, just talk about it. It helps, in my opinion.

Meh, not much of a talker, but thanks anyway. :)

After my parents divorced. I felt like it was my fault and that I would never be happy. I hid inside a shell until my first year of middle school and then I went back into my shell because of all the bullying that happened to me everyday. Then when Twilight came out i thought it was a chance for me to break out but after a while I realized I was wrong and tried to get away from twilight but it kept sucking me back in to the point were I felt so insecure about myself. Then i came on here and I felt like I could finally be myself and that even though my parents are divorced they still care about me. Harry Potter changed me for the better. I still feel slightly insecure about myself but I try to work on not being insecure about myself. Its hard for me not to see my dad. I miss my dad. :(

I'm so sorry. :( That sounds awful not being able to see your dad or anything. I'm glad you found ways to be happier and don't worry, we all care about you here. :)

Right now I feel extremely depressed :(

And yes, it is because of music yet again.

Okay, for the past 4 days, I've really tried not to diss mainstream artists, who all my friends like. I complimented Katy Perry and Taylor Swift *gag*, and even hummed along to Justin Bieber. And how do my friends repay me?

They call the rock genre gay and retarded, and threw my iPod out the window. >:(

Sometimes I feel like actually just conforming, going back to pop music and listening to he latest huts, and actually eat candy. But then I remember I like being in the minority.

^^ Poor GD and your poor iPod! Don't conform man, it's not worth it!

SAY NO TO CONFORMISM >.<

Why would you conform to something that people who are a part of are total assholes? Ditch them, because they aren't healthy for you. Or, just confront them and tell them they're acting like total dicks. No one deserves to be mistreated because of something they love.

I honestly don't know what to do. Other than dissing my music tastes, they're perfectly nice, and everyone I know likes the same music, so it would make no difference if I ditched them and made new friends, I'd still be surrounded by shitty music. Ugh, this is why I desperately want a Hot Topic here. I could go buy MCR and GD shirts and other buyers there could go like, "I like them too!"

3 years ago, I didn't give a fuck about music and whatnot, I had no clue about anything, I was indifferent to everything. Now I'm just... weary. I'm fucking sick of people asking me about my tastes and lifestyle, coz then I'd have to fucking say the same thing over and over again and guess what? They'd still don't get it. Those damn pop music hoes. DAMN THEM ALL

when someone asks you about your music taste, just say "actual music, unlike you" :)
but boo's right -- don't pretend to be something you're not just to fit in. I did that for a while, and it was the worst two or three years of my life. then I finally started being myself again, and now I have awesome friends who actually understand (parts of) what goes on in my brain :P so stay true to yourself.
if they don't like you for you, they're not worth it.
and yeah, that last part's really cliché, but that doesn't change the fact that's it's true.

YO GUYS:
remember how I was talking about making a joint, anonymous account for this forum? Well, this is it. I'm gonna PM everyone on the family tree the password info and the link to the forum as soon as I've finished swearing to God, Merlin, Dumbledore, Hermes, Zeus, Hades, Athena, Spike and other assorted deities that I'm not a troll.
--malloy

I used to cut, okay used to is a lie, i have tried quitting but it's really hard, if something bad happens it's the only way i know to deal with it :'( i don't know anyone who will listen to me about it, most of my friends are completly anti-self harm which just makes the problem worse...
also i think i have trust issues and i'm really paranoid.

I know i need help I just have no idea how to get it.

do you have anyone you could talk to? a friendly teacher at school, the school nurse, a godmother, someone? I'm sure they could help you find the help you need :)

I've never told anyone this but I'm a cutter as well. But you see, the thing is is that I only do it at a time which I like to call 'temporary insanity'--Which basically is when I go completely numb and insane from all the stress I'm under and I just HAVE to cut...And the next morning I barely remember it. It's almost like I'm drunk or something when I do it, and I just can't think straight...I wanna stop, I really do, because I know it's not healthy...but when I have my bouts of temporary insanity I can't help myself :(
BTW, I'm not looking for a pity-party...I just needed to get it out and have someone (or some people) know

I have insecurity issues. Like, the why-would-anyone-like-me-everything-I-ever­-do­-is­-ut­ter­-cr­ap type.
Which leads me to think that people are just pretending to be my friends because they feel sorry for me.

I totally get that malloy :( It sucks doesn't it? But do you know what I do when I get that way? I either express my feelings through writing (or whatever your passion is) or you make a list or something to that extent and list what you like about yourself. The list might be longer than you think. That or go to a friend and ask for them to tell you what they love about you. I do taht sometimes, and believe me that works 99% of the time.

@ Izzy - Please try to stop :( You can trust me, you know I'll always be there for you. And I'm going to do everything I can to help you, so if you ever feel like cutting, talk to me first, please. If I'm not on, like I said, message me. I want to help you, I don't want you to hurt yourself. I love you.

@Mea - The same applies to you. If you're feeling stressed, just come on and let it all out. Rage and rant on 1000 Reasons or here, we'll be listening to you and helping you. Please try to stop with the self harm, even if you do it unconsciously. When you have this "temporary insanity", think about what you're doing. Sometimes, I know, you just do it on impulse - it's an instant reaction to cut yourself. But you can stop, I know you can. You have the willpower to do whatever you want to. If you want to stop, try repeating to yourself, "I will not cut myself". Say it out loud, say it in your head, say it facing a mirror, believe it. Think of what your friends or family members - or anyone who cares about you, like us - would say if they could see you. Please try to stop, we all love you.

@Malloy - We do like you, you're the person we can always turn to for help. You're a wonderful friend, and you're excellent at writing. We're not pretending to like you, we really do like you. You're awesome, mommy <3

naww best you agony aunt, you :)
mea, if I asked my friends that, they'd just look at me like huh???

Honestly, malloy, I feel the same way about some of my friends-and I don't have many friends. I guess I do, if I just count people who talk to me and act nice. But I can be...weird. I talk weird (like I say weird things that don't even make sense to me!), and I know it, but there's nothing I can do about it. Plus, if someone or some people are laughing around me, and I know their faces, I feel like they may be talking bad about me. But it's not really paranoia that does that. It's just that that has happened a lot in my life-it has been nothing but bullying for me. I keep telling myself bullying will make me stronger. But when? I have very little confidence, and when I do and stand up for myself, I end up like a jerk and talked about by that person for being a jerk. The gossip just never ends...

Only I don't cut. It would only hurt worse than the taunts I get. Writing sure helps, though. This world of online Fanpop is much better than my home in Pennslyvania...

When I was rejected from being a CIT (counselor in training) for my summer camp a couple months ago, I realized that after going there for 6 years, 4 of those summers all 8 weeks, I have no clue how to have summer. This place was my home, all my best friends are there, many going back to be CITs. But I was rejected.

@Dark - I can understand. And it's better to be weird than to be a clone. If people are laughing around you, just laugh with them. If they ARE laughing AT you, it'll just piss them off since they'll realize you aren't bothered by it. If you're bullied, you should tell someone about it. Tell your parents, or a teacher, or family members. It's JK Rowling's advice, after all. I don't think I'm very confident either, but becoming more confident all the time. At least you stand up for yourself, that's good. Ignore the gossip, it's silly in my opinion. Just be yourself, we all love you for that. <3

Every time my friends leave me out (if they mean to or not) I want to go cry.
My middle school friends used to treat me horribly and now, 2 years later, I can't stand that it still affects me like this.

I have this kinda of worry that I might be bisexual. I'm not attracted to any of my friends, but I get turned on by chicks (like on the internet) and so I'm not sure.

Also I feel like everyone is actually lying to me and that they never mean anything they say; they only say it because they feel bad for me. I don't truly feel like any cares anymore and that everything is a lie. I also feel like I'm not good enough for anyone and I'll never be. I'm a awful person who no one deserves to be around and I think everyone's life would just be better without me and that they wouldn't ever miss me no matter how much they say the care.

I guess that was a little more of a rant, my apologies.

@Best-I know this is going to sound weird, but I don't want to tell anyone about being bullied. I want to handle this myself, and I don't want to bring my parents or teachers into this. What can they do? Bring me to a guidance counselor? Yeah, like that'll help. I've been to one; they've only made me feel worse and cry. They can't just kick out any studen either for what they do for bullying; if so, a lot of teens wouldn't be in school! They don't help, and I want to do something about this myself, to prove I'm strong. I just...don't know how to do that yet. I tell my friends, who go through the same thing, but that's as far as I'm going.

@xbiggerstaffx-There's nothing wrong with being bisexual, firstly, and you shouldn't think so negatively about yourself. Everyone has a reason in this world, no matter what. Also, one thing to do is...well, trust is the best thing to have. You have to believe that some people like you; I'm not saying everyone, just some people. But the next best thing you could do is simply ask them what they feel about you; comfront them. If they are like how you think they feel, then that's too bad. But there are some people who are completely honest and love you for who you are.

@Dark, I'm still never going to believe them though, no matter how much they try to convince me. I don't even believe my own family loves me. :/ I dunno if there's hope, but thanks anyway.

@xbiggerstaffx-I tried, but I'm not a counselor myself. I've never had this situation. Sorry I couldn't help much.

I have plenty of friends who are gay, bi, or lesbian. There's nothing wrong with it at all =] (honestly, the GBLT crowd out number the straight people at our school)

Also, I've only ever told a few people this, but I'm a huge Harry Potter fan because the books are what kept me company when no one else would.
I started reading them on my own in 3rd grade, about the time I realized I had very few (about 2 or 3) people I could call friends. I was made fun of by a lot of my classmates, too. All there was left at that point was to dunk head first into another world. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were the ones there that cared.

Call me crazy, but the trio seem like real friends to me. I've been a fan since I was 6, and even after the last film comes out in 99 days, they'll still be alive in me.

I'm secretly really self conscious about the fact that my answer about what I look like hasn't gotten any comments >.>

I was sexually abused by a cousin of mine when I was 4 or 5. I've never told anyone about this, because I've been scared. He used to 'touch' me in all the wrong places, and I was too young to actually comprehend what was going on, too young to be wise enough to tell a grown-up what he was doing to me.

My boyfriend once said that he hated 'used things,' by which he meant sexually touched girls. I wanted to tell him about this, but I was too frightened he'd leave me. But I told him- just last night. And I don't know how he's taking it. He promised me that nothing was 'wrong' but I don't know what to do... I just thought it wasn't fair that he didn't know.

And now, I have no contact with that cousin. I haven't added him on MSN or Facebook or anything. I don't even shake hands with him when I go to visit. Just a 'hello' from a distance. I hate him. I loathe him for what he did to me.

^Thats really terrible!

@xbiggerstaffx with the comment about the looks.
If you said it last year, I'd've probably given you some shoe about inner beauty. Yes, we all have inner beauty, and yes that is what counts, but not a lot of people really know that, and they judge people on their looks instead of their character. It's okay to feel self-concious about your looks, but if you're young you will most likely blossom when you get older. If it's because you think you're fat, get some exercise, maybe eat a little less junk food? There's nothing wrong with feeling self concious about looks, I do it all the time.
Don't worry, though, you can tell your friends are good friends if they don't care what you look like :) those are the people you should stick with. Not any of those beaches who would cast away a girl like a used tissue simply because she has a few more spots than them.

I'm worried that my friend is getting anorexic. She's in a modelling agency, and they've put her on a diet (SHE'S THIRTEEN, WTF?!) and she's already skinny enough. She has a list of foods she's not allowed to eat, but she doesn't eat anything. I went over her house and her mother shouted at her because "she hasn't seen her eat a meal for two days" because she was saying "I'm not hungry, I don't want to eat anything." so I'm worried about that. I don't know why I wanted to be anonymous, seeing as it wasn't about me, but I just did.
She's CHANGED though. She used to be so quiet and shy and good in class but now she's giving the teacher attitude and she got angry. I think it's because her best friend's mum died in November and she hates her religion and God and everything like that and she's just changed since then. She's more defensive of her friend if someone says anything bad about her, she will get really pissed off.
But lately she's been hanging around with the populars and sort of leaving me and the three others in the group out, and it's upsetting me just a bit.

Hi everyone, I'm horribly clumsy. It might just be because I'm lanky and absent-minded, but I need advice. It also doesn't help when I play sports. I can't throw, pitch, catch, lift, or anything. However, I can run. My parents have signed me up for track and field the past two years, and I thought it was okay. Then I was forced to do cross-country for school last fall. I felt isolated and alone on the team, and after every meet, I wanted to just give up completely. Luckily I survived with a few victories, but it's something I've never particularly enjoyed. It's spring again, and that means it's time for track and field sign-up(eyerolls). Tbh, the only reason I'd ever even agreed to any of this track and field stuff is to make my parents happy, and it worked(sort of). I was signed up again, and I don't think I can last. How can I politely tell my parents that it just isn't my thing?

Hi guys. I'm different than the two people above.
Anyways, I'm a horrible person. I've stolen from my best friend. As in money, I've taken cash right out of her wallet, I started last summer when we went on vacation to the beach together, and I had some of my own money, but I didn't want to spend it all, since my parents had given it to me, and I wanted to give them it back mostly unspent, and she had a LOT of cash in her wallet, since she baby-sits and stuff and she'd brought it all from the beach. I took like 10 bucks every day when we went out to lunch and a little more too.
Now, I do it whenever she has enough money in her wallet so she won't notice if I take some.
I also take money out of my parents wallets too on occasion, but I don’t get the opportunity much since they don‘t usually carry a lot of cash.
I usually don’t feel bad about either of the above things either.

Also, I think I might be a sociopath, my dad mentioned it to me a while back, and today I looked it up online and I saw that most of the symptoms described on here: link apply to me. More specifically, of the bulleted list on the first part of the page, bullets 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, (Maybe 7), 8, 9, 10, some of 11, 12, and 14 describe me or some aspect of my personality, some more than others.

I have some close friends on here, some of them Biggerstaffs, and I’ve lied to all of them, some lies more pertaining to Fanpop life/bigger than others, and I didn’t even feel that bad about it, or if I did, I forgot about it quickly.

Also, like the first person who responded to this forum, I always have an inferiority complex sort of thing, since I wonder if people really like me, or are telling me everything, and I always compare myself to other people, and I wonder if people on here like me more or less than others.

^ I can honestly say I have yet to meet a Biggerstaff that I didn't like =]

You probably don't like me anymore which is why I'm not saying who I really am.


Oh, and also, yes, I know it's cowardly to not just fess up on my normal account.

I only judge based on how you interact with me on here.
I don't dislike you, if you're a Biggerstaff, I care about you.
I'm worried for you.