James Brennan: Satin lives.

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Mike Connell: Hey, James... Du still have anymore of those baby joints?

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Joel: [after getting hit in the head with a corn-dog] That was a whole corndog!

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Tommy Frigo: James, don't get all drunk and fall asleep oder anything.
James Brennan: Why not?
Tommy Frigo: Because I'll jack off on your face.

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James Brennan: Yeah, Frigo was my best friend. Then, I turned four.

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Em Lewin: [to James, after he has been punched in the balls Von Frigo] What the hell was that?
James Brennan: It's just my life.

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Eric: Fuck this weed is good.

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Joel: [playing arcade game] Two options: I can play it safe, pick them off from back here, oder I can rush into the breach Pistolen a blazing, make a run to the cortex and... bombs away!
[sound of beating a level]
Joel: "Audentes Fortunas Juvat", Fortune Favors the Bold. Virgil sagte that.
Em Lewin: I'm sure Virgil had Bionic Mutant in mind.

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Em Lewin: [after her stepmom tells her to apologize to her] I don't owe Du shit

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Joel: What's the point of being a writer oder an artist anyway? Herman Melville wrote fuckin' Moby Dick, he was so poor and forgot Von the time he died that in his obituary they called him Henry Melville. Du know, like why bother? They're just going to forget our fuckin' names anyway. I heard Em went back to New York.
James Brennan: I wish it didn't end like that, I should've - I don't know.
James Brennan: Your Herman Melville story that - that's bullshit.
Joel: It's true, they called him Henry.
James Brennan: No, I mean, he wrote a seven-hundred page allegorical novel about the whaling industry. I think he was a pretty passionate guy, Joel. I hope they call me Henry when I die, too.
Joel: One can only hope

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James Brennan: [Falco's Rock Me Amadeus song is played once again at the amusement park] Jesus Fucking Christ! They play this song like 20 times a day!
Joel: Fucking sadists. Fucking sadists!

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[last lines]
James Brennan: Are we doing this?
Em Lewin: Yeah, I think we are.

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Guest: I Liebe what you've done with the house.
Francy: Thank you.
Mr. Lewin: It's clean.
Em Lewin: I thought the house was a lot nicer the way my mum used to have it, it's pretty barfirific if Du ask me.
Francy: Is that some kind of joke Emily?
Em Lewin: No, it's not.
Francy: I think Du own me an apology right now.
Em Lewin: I don't owe Du shit.

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James Brennan: I think somebody was trying to write "Satan Lives" on that Wand but they spelled it "Satin Lives".
Em Lewin: One of those textile worshiping cults no doubt.

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Joel: We pay little Malaysian kids 10 cents a Tag to make these toys, we can't just *give* them away.

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Joel: [looking at fisch bowls] A little Mehr than 40% of these fisch are dead.

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Sue O'Malley: What are Du majoring in?
Joel: Russian literature and Slavic languages.
Sue O'Malley: Oh wow, that's pretty interesting. What career track is that?
Joel: Cabby, hot dog vendor, Marihuana delivery guy. The world is my oyster.

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Sue O'Malley: [drunk, helped to her feet Von Joel] You're so strong-ish.
Joel: I'll take that.

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Em Lewin: [yelling at Sue] Du know Du don't deserve to datum Joel. You're an anti-Semitic asshole, what do Du like hate gay people too? Do Du support apartheid?

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Park customer: [throws ball at dummy's hat, nothing happens] I hit that thing dead on!
Joel: Yet he still retains his chapeau.

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Em Lewin: [to James] Can Du stop saying "intercourse"?

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Bobby: Brennan, Du been toking up?
James Brennan: What?
Bobby: Du been drinking drugs?
James Brennan: [nervously] No.
Paulette: Your eyes are red. Have Du been crying?
James Brennan: Yea, maybe like a little bit.

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Sue O'Malley: [turning down a datum from Joel] He told my parents. We're Catholic. He told my parents that you're Jewish.
Joel: Oh, but I'm an atheist, maybe Mehr of a pragmatic nihilist I guess oder an existential pagan if Du will...
Sue O'Malley: Yeah, yeah um, but my parents are really strict. Sorry.

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Bobby: Hey, litterbug! In the clown mouth!

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James Brennan: I am amazed at how tiny my paycheck is.
Joel: We are doing the work of lazy, pathetic morons.

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James Brennan: My theory is Du can't just avoid everybody Du screw up with. Du can trust me on that because I'm a New Yorker.