24 Reasons to Hate 24 

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We\'ve never seen 24, and now we never will. Thanks for the delivering the brutal truth, pollysmiles101!

, it\'s a hit show on Fox that chronicles the action-packed life of Counter Terrorist agent Jack Bauer, a lean, mean, terrorist-killin\' machine. Each episode happens in "real time;" that is, each episode represents one hour in the characters\' lives, and there are 24 episodes a season, making up a single "day." Get it? Good. Now here\'s why you should never, ever watch the show.

Before and after commercial breaks, the countdown clock comes on screen and counts off four seconds with a

, which sounds similar to a high-pitched heart rate monitor. It’s annoying. It makes your ears ring. If you were only able to listen to the show, you’d think it was all about an operating room.

2. The timing is off. It has to be. All that can happen in a day? Really? One guy can kill over 80 people? Ex-president Palmer dies, Jack Bauer gets framed, Tony Almeida’s wife dies, Tony goes crazy after waking up in the hospital a couple hours later, Jack saves Chloe from an ambush, Chloe goes from in with CTU (Counter Terrorist Unit) to out of CTU to back in again, a mole is discovered, President Logan is found to be helping the terrorists… all in one freaking day??? (That was one of the early seasons, by the way. Shouldn’t spoil anything.)

3. Nobody yawns. We all know how an all-nighter feels. We’re exhausted by 1 AM, and we’re yawning long before that. These people are awake for 24 hours. Not once do we see Jack take a nap (unless he’s been knocked out). Now I get that there’s the whole adrenaline thing to help keep him going, but what about Chloe and the other technicians? What about the president? I want to see some yawning!

4. Nobody eats their meals. That’s not healthy, guys. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day and I’ve never seen you eat it. Or lunch. Or dinner. Heck, I hardly see you guys drink water. Or coffee! How do you stay awake? Someone eat a sandwich before I go crazy.

5. Nobody uses the restroom. I get that if America is really in trouble, no one’s going to have an appetite, but I know I’d be so nervous I’d have to pee every hour on the hour. Obviously, they’re not going to actually show the deed being done on television, but can’t someone say they have to use the little men’s room or ladies’ room? It would add to the realism to the show. Even if the girls are just going to powder their nose or something!

6. HOW DOES THEIR HAIR STAY SO PERFECT?!? The actors and actresses have to get their hair cut before filming every episode so their hair doesn’t grown within “a day.” But, and maybe this is just me, I can straighten and curl and spray my hair all morning, but by the end of the day it’s just a tangled mess. I wanna know how characters like Chloe O’Brian and Michelle Dessler-Almeida have such perfect hair for 24 hours.

7. Jack is a James Bond knock-off. I’m serious! James Bond… Jack Bauer. J.B.??? James Bond married a Tracy and she died. Jack married a Teri and she died. James Bond came first. James Bond is epic. Jack is simply the American James Bond. I have some respect for Jack ‘cause I live in America and he keeps us safe, but Bond saves the whole freakin’ world. And, personally, Daniel Craig and his British accent trump Kiefer Sutherland (ex-vampire David of

8. It’s a two digit title and everyone knows that’s bad luck.

9. Jack kissed Nina. Nina Myers is the woman who killed Teri Bauer (Jack\'s wife). Jack kissed her. No, Jack made out with her. I don’t care if you were doing it to get Nina to help you out, Jack. That’s wrong and shameful and nobody is proud of you for it.

10. Jack is a deadly player, ladies. Heed my warning. Jack loves Teri…Teri died. Jack kissed Nina… Nina died. Jack loved Audrey Raines… Audrey got kidnapped, tortured, and went positively nuts. In the last season, Jack loved Renee Walker… Renee died. Pattern? You betcha. At least with James Bond, if you were the second Bond-girl in the movie you had a chance of living. With Jack there is no chance. It’s do and die.

11. Lynn McGill *starts crying* Lynn McGill, of season 5, sacrificed himself willingly to save CTU from being killed by nerve gas. As if his sacrifice wasn’t beautiful enough, Lynn is played by none other than our beloved Sean Astin. *sniffles* Rest in peace, Samwise Gamgee. Rest in peace.

12. MILO!!! *starts wailing* Milo Pressman was a CTU technician who sacrificed himself in season 6 to save the girl he loved.  He was barely talked about. He barely had a role. He was

’s Garrett but for “24.” When the Chinese infiltrated CTU, they asked who the acting leader was, and before Nadia Yassir could stand up, Milo said he was and got shot. I cried. Seriously cried. Milo was my favorite.

13. This is an unlucky number. Like elevators, I’m going to skip it.

14. Kim Bauer. Kim is Jack’s 20+ year-old daughter and a serious problem. I’m sorry ,but if she shows up in a season, you can bet your bottom dollar she’s going to get kidnapped/captured/held hostage. And then everyone has to go save the damsel in distress. She’s always got a kind of gloomy, depressing vibe about her and never looks happy. Ever. She makes me mad. She’s a Bella Swan and makes me want to play fetch with my dog using the DVDs as a Frisbee.

15. Jack’s brother??? Jack’s dad??? Wha??? I find it ironic how in one season you find out Jack’s brother and dad are working with terrorists. That was really clever, writers. Throwing in a plot twist by making the biggest counter-terrorist in the United States related to terrorists. *borrows Dan’s sarcasm hand* It was interesting; I will give you that, but come on. What are the chances of that actually happening? I want some realism, people!

16. There’s always someone. There’s always a mole. Always. In every season. Someone’s always handing out secrets, whether in CTU or at the White House. Hello? You’re a counter terrorist unit! Let’s get some decent security!

17. The perimeter. The most famous quote in every season is “Set up a perimeter.” It fails. 9 times out of 10.

18. The politics make me worry. The scandals! I’m scared. I live in America. Under all the media, is this what America is really like? Even if it isn’t, the “24” presidents are giving us a bad rep.

19. Tony is so fickle. I’m lost. After Tony Almeida’s wife died, he turned evil. Then he was working with Jack again. Then he was evil. Then he… I don’t even know anymore. Tony was cool. Now he’s confusing.

20.  Chloe isn’t happy. After Milo, Chloe’s my favorite character. She so smart and talented at what she does, but she never gets to be happy. Even with her husband, Morris, they fight and make up, then fight again. It’s sad. I want Chloe to be happy. You guys would be so lost without her. I’m serious. Throw her an appreciation party or something. And, uh, whilst you’re doing all that, ask her how she keeps her hair looking so perfect all day... Kaythanxbai!

22. My cat doesn’t like the show, so neither should you.

. In the last season that aired, the final episode ended with Jack on the run from the good guys and the bad guys even though he’s the hero. Jack, you just stole that off of Batman. Nuh-uh. Not cool.

24. IT’S BEING MADE INTO A MOVIE. We all know what movies do to already ridiculous stories. *cough*

*cough* And how are you supposed to make a “24” movie? Is it going to be 24 hours long? Will there be an hour long movie with 23 sequels? Oh hell to the no…

Does anyone have anything even remotely GOOD to say about 24? We DARE you to come up with one positive thing.

Related post: Why Everyone Should Watch NCIS

Topics: Life, Entertainment, Celebs & Stuff

Tags: funny things, tv shows, tv series, 24, tv reviews

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